I'm having great difficulty

[adr]

I was raised in a Catholic family, not strong on religion. In my youth I searched for the true faith and found it to be the Catholic faith. Since then I have fallen far from its teachings. I am absolutely desperate. I suffer from mental illness, and it is so very hard to discern truth from delusion. I indulge in evil. I find comfort in it. When I stray from it I feel literally attacked. I feel an outside force. I can see a place which should not be seen. A place of great suffering and it is put before me, by what may be God. It is a sickly place of terror and confusion, of no escape. It is so difficult for me to describe it without completely breaking down. I am being asked to bear it but I am not strong enough. I’m so terrified and weak. But there seems to be some deep supply of resolve I feel, which doesn’t let me turn to oblivion. I feel so trapped. I guess I’m asking for God to take pity on me. Please God, I am making this as public statement as I can right now. Please take pity on me. I do not know what to do, where to turn. Please just help me. I’ve turned to priests but what I say is too much for them, my sins too great. Too complex. Too sacrilegious. Please if anyone reads this pray for me. My family, no one, knows the things that dwell in me. How much help I need. I can’t tell left from right. I want to enter your desert God. Please purify me. Please purify your servant OH LORD. I want this to be a statement of the great crimes and sins I have committed against you oh God. How I have stood before your cross and have spat on your wounded body. Oh God forgive me. This is too much. Why must I bear this? I am too weak. Please fill me with your Grace. Please Oh Holy Mother of God Mary pray for me. Please Oh Saints who have met so many trails to have come to Your Presence PRAY FOR ME. I am so proud, but I know I face eternal suffering without you. I do not know your Love. I need your help.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

I think that you may do well in getting your mental illness under control before addressing spiritual issues. I do not think it is your sins that the Priests are having a hard time with but the result of your mental illness. Unfortunately, at least in America, Priests are not required to learn even the basics of psychological counseling. Unless a man studies it in undergrad, a priest will be totally lost when a psychological illness is in play.

So please, go find a counselor or psychologist that you can work with. Perhaps even be open to trying some anti-anxiety meds.

 

[adr]

I have calmed down a lot now. I stand by everything I said. I’ve sought the help of psychiatrists and psychologists but they too find this situation difficult. I have tried medication. I don’t hold any ill will against priests. They do the best they can. I am asking for God’s help. Only God can help mend my brokenness. I am also not discounting the help of professionals, I value any help anyone can offer. But I am broken beyond my body and my mind. I acknowledge this and seek His Mercy.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

You might need to seek a psychiatrist then (not just a psychologist), or one who specializes in what you are going through. This really seems less of a spiritual issue than a true mental health crisis.

God can help you, but if this were diabetes you would not try to rely on God alone.

 

[adr]

God can help you, but if this were diabetes you would not try to rely on God alone.

No of course not. But I have ignored Him for too long, and I ask for His help.

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

Firstly you perhaps need to seek professional help,
Seek advice from a local priest , if you find no satisfaction there,then find another one,
At least they may get you in the right direction,
Many people suffer mental disorders of varying degree ,
99 %. Of which you would never know someone is suffering in some way, you are Not Alone ,
If you wish to find more about your Faith , then simply randomly open your Bible and read half a page or less ,
It’s really surprising what you can learn ,

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

If you are " BROKEN ". You CAN Be Repaired ,
Sometimes a complete relocation can help,
Need to stimulate your mind & Body in a new direction ,

 

[MonteRCMS]

How old are you?

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

God can help you, but if this were diabetes you would not try to rely on God alone.

God is only partly a factor here. Your writing alone shows greater distress than one who is not burdened with issues in mental health. Your own words indicate that you are struggling.

One can both stop seeking appropriate medical help, AND stop seeking God. The two are not mutually exclusive. However, one is obligated, as a Catholic, to seek out healing for both the mind and the body when we are ill. Our belief in God does not negate the fact we must take care of ourselves.

 

[Crusaderbear]

May God guide you back to health.

 

[petra22]

Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you.
Blessed are you among women and blessed is the
fruit of your womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners
NOW and at the hour of our death. Amen!

Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do thou, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God cast into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.