I'm not sure on what I should do?

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ykme20

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After I asked a girl out, and I found out (not from her) that she has a boyfriend. Made my self esteem go down to a new time low. After a while, I got the drive to try and find a relationship, since I managed to not get scared of asking someone out.

However, I don’t know where I can find them, I’m 22 years old, and I can’t find anyone my age at my local parish. Also, I don’t really use online dating, so I’m not sure what to do.
 
I know that my relationship with God is most important. I guess I shouldn’t look for relationships, because I don’t think I’m meant to have one. I’ve always been single, so maybe it wasn’t meant to be.
 
Surely you have some hobbies or interests other than going to church? You should try to find girls who enjoy the same things that you like to do. For example, if you like to go hiking or read history, look for girls interested in those subjects, join some groups devoted to them.
 
ykme20 said:
But where do I find these groups?
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If you’re in college, check there.

There’s also a site called meetup.com. It’s not a dating site, but they have a lot of groups that are for people of similar interests. If there’s something local for you, it might help put you in touch with people of common interests.
 
Also check bulletin boards and talk to people engaged in the activities you like to do. For example, people who hike will probably see some advertisements for group hikes down by their favorite trail. People who like history will probably notice that their library has lectures from time to time on historical topics. Just get out and do stuff and talk to people.
 
I did that once, and I graduated from college, but I guess my problem is, is that when I try to enter something that’s catholic. I don’t get any results.

Though, I am moving to Austin, TX for work, so I’m not sure if that’ll be better or not.
 
I already go to a young adult community, but I’m the youngest there, and everyone is either married or have established careers. Nobody’s my age though, so I feel that I don’t have anything to offer.
 
Deliberately trying to meet women is probably not a great strategy. Focus on being social and outgoing generally and work on yourself. Go out with friends on the weekends and don’t be afraid to chat people up. Don’t go straight to “hi you’re pretty will you go out with me check yes or no”. Just focus on having relaxed, natural conversations.

The other thing you can do is make yourself the kind of person who is desirable as a partner. Get your career humming. Work out and eat well. Wear clothes that fit well and look good on you. It’s all basic stuff but it will boost your confidence and make those interactions way more fluid and comfortable.

Ps fallout new Vegas rules
 
I guess that’s true, and I don’t generally do that haha. I guess I’m still upset about the girl I met through work. It took me two weeks to get her contact info, and then I found out later that she already has someone. It gave me a void that I was trying to fill it up as quick as I can.

And yeah, FNV rules
 
Saying “I’ve always been single” at 22 is kinda silly. You’re not 40. Plenty of people haven’t had a serious relationship at 22. Relax. Nothing is less attractive to women than a guy who is overthinking things and seems desperate.
 
I didn’t meet my wife until I was 22 and was mostly single before that. She was 29 and was single for years before meeting me. You never know when your love will present herself, but she will at the least expected time. Hang in there.
 
Don’t sweat it. It’s a bummer I know but just keep working on yourself. Don’t get all up in your head about it.

Do you have friends you can go out with? Are you in decent physical shape? Are you shy?
 
Well I used to be shy, and a lot of women assume that I have someone or must be married. I’m also very active, since I used to be overweight, I know that my greatest enemy is me overthinking things.

And about that girl, I went to her restaurant dressed up, and she kept chatting with me while I was eating (she works there) so that’s when I gave her my contact info, and thought that things were working out. I just wish, that she told me that she already has someone.

Hence, my desperate phase, because I feel like I made a fool out of myself.
 
I don’t think you did. Unless you did something creepy like wait in the bushes in the parking lot, all you did was make a move, and when you found out she wasn’t single, you backed off. You didn’t do anything wrong, and there’s no reason to feel embarrassed. Sure, it’s a little awkward, but it’s all in the game.

If anything, that episode should be helpful. It shows that asking someone out and having it not work out isn’t the end of the word. Temporary, marginal awkwardness, sure. But not a catastrophe. Just keep that in mind next time you want to ask a girl out.
 
Yeah, I understand, I gave her my contact info through a card, and just left it at that. She followed me on Instagram, and I thought that was ok, but I had to find out through one of her posts that she has a bf. So that episode taught me at least to not be scared, but also that I should understand people better.
 
ykme20 said:
So that episode taught me at least to not be scared, but also that I should understand people better
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Don’t beat yourself up. This what you’re supposed to be doing in your early twenties: figuring out how all this works and becoming comfortable interacting with the opposite sex in a romantic context. Chalk it up to experience and move on.
 
You’re right, and thanks everyone I guess I should just continue focusing on my career, and if something happens then it happens.
 
ykme20 said:
After I asked a girl out, and I found out (not from her) that she has a boyfriend. Made my self esteem go down to a new time low
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So, she turned you down? I asked a girl out awhile back. She turned me down… Her Loss :man_shrugging:t2:
ykme20 said:
I’m 22 years old, and I can’t find anyone my age at my local parish.
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Miss Right could be anywhere! You just gotta mingle, talk, and be friendly.

Or you could be like me and sit on your porch yelling at the kids 😠🚬
 
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