I'm really struggling

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Evania

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I really am struggling…

I know a woman and her husband who have just lost their one year old daughter to a rare form of cancer earlier this week. This little girl had only been diagnosed just a couple of months ago. Her mom happened to find a knot in her stomach, doctor suspected a hernia, yet sent her for more tests, and then they got the wind knocked out of them. The little girl appeared happy, normal and playful up until this point so the word “stunned and disbelief” is an understatement. They honestly thought she would beat this. Although it would be a struggle, the doctors said she had a 60% survival rate. (Not extremely high, but the fact that it was over half really encouraged them). Anyway, she died a few days after Christmas. I don’t think there’s ever a good time to lose a child, but burying your kid a week after Christmas adds more salt to an already painful wound. Then while the rest of the world is pressing forward with the New Year, they are still in the last few months of 2014. I honestly don’t think they expected this to go as quickly as it did. She was tired a few days before Christmas, but still appeared inquisitive and had that familiar sparkle when Santa visited her. Then she developed a fever a day later, and finally slipped away this past Tuesday. I went to the prayer vigil the night she passed away. I have never seen such raw grief. I will never forget witnessing the horrible pain her parents were in. It was terrible…Our whole community banded together in prayer when she got sick. No one really expected this outcome.
I guess I don’t understand. Please help me make sense of this. I want to understand God in this but I’m struggling. I don’t want to blame God, for He is all Love, Mercy and He is Just. When a child is murdered, you can point to a criminal and say “You caused this pain! How could you do this?” When you see a child suffer from a disease, there’s no one to point your finger at and yet you are still hurting. I’m sorry for the long post, but I need some words of wisdom. Thank you!
 
Peace be with you sister Evania.

I have no easy words or methods in this type of situation. However, listen to this.

I had an elderly aunt, who had fallen down and was suffering much, probably more than I can bear.One of her grand children did not want her to die, however neither to suffer so much.
Finally, we were glad when the Lord came for her and took her home. We would miss her for years to come (I still do), but we are glad that she is suffering no more.
Even as I write this, I choke back my tears, as I loved her so much.

I feel her loss as well as feel the loss of my brothers, sisters and relatives. We still cry for her. We also feel relieved that SHE cries no more.

Dominus vobiscum.

Andrew
 
Sometimes it is so difficult to understand why bad things happen to good & innocent people especially when it comes to the loss of a life. I have always tried to console myself in the belief that God wanted to call people home more than I wanted them to remain here.
I try very hard; "To Let Go and Let God. I’ll be praying for this family; they now have their very own little angel in heaven watching over them. Praying for you & your intentions as well. God bless.
 
this is where faith plays a big part. it won’t make it easier, but we have to ask ourselves, ‘why did God have to come to us and die for us?’ the most innocent person that ever lived. we won’t know until we get to heaven. prayers for your friends. God bless.
 
Most little children go to heaven, unless they have reached the age of reason and have sinned grievously (and don’t repent before death). Most adults go to hell, according to several Church Fathers, Doctors of the Church and many Saints. If this child were kept alive until later in life, she may have had the misfortune of dying in mortal sin. You and this child’s parents should not cling to her life on this earth, but to her (and our) real home, which is in heaven. God is most merciful, and spared this little girl from what would have been or could have been a very unhappy, unfortunate death and eternity. See God’s love, goodness and mercy in this girl’s passing, and thank Him for sparing her, okay? God bless you.
 
Years ago I was wandering through a cemetery and came across the grave stone of a young child. It read, “God gives love. Something to love He lends.” This precious child’s life was a gift. As hard as it is to lose the child, the child is in the arms of a loving God. I can’t really give any answer as to why one had to die so young. There are never any decent answers at a time like this. Any one of us may be next, or it could be someone we know and are close to. Just remember, our lives are from God. Without Him we would have no existence.

Oh, I’m just screwing this up big time!! I wish I could offer more support here, but I can’t. God loves you, always remember that.
 
Evania said:
I guess I don’t understand. Please help me make sense of this. I want to understand God in this but I’m struggling. I don’t want to blame God, for He is all Love, Mercy and He is Just. When a child is murdered, you can point to a criminal and say “You caused this pain! How could you do this?” When you see a child suffer from a disease, there’s no one to point your finger at and yet you are still hurting. I’m sorry for the long post, but I need some words of wisdom. Thank you!
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You don’t have to “blame” God, but if you do you won’t be the first and it won’t “hurt” Him.

But you can tell him exactly how you feel, and articulate exactly what confuses you, and speak to him with any amount of verbal passion, and He knows you are hurting and wanting His help.

And personally, I’ve told God a few times I wasn’t too pleased with things, but on most of them, ultimately I was able to look back and see how the hardship factored into life now. I can’t go back and live a parallel universe without the loss of a child, or like for me my SIL last month and my mother last year, my brother the year before that.

I do know that the Lord is good to me and I have much peace. Life is different and I miss them, but my grieving has brought me to an appreciation for all we have, without feeling “cheated” for all that is taken away.

I wish you peace, and hope for future joy,
MS
 
Hi,
We lost a child who was one, his twin brother will be 24 tomorrow. The pain changes, it doesn’t really go away but things have happened in my life that have helped me to understand a little of God’s plan. For example, I was able to be of comfort to someone a couple of years ago who was on the point of utter despair after her son took his own life. She knew I understood how it felt to lose my child, she knew my life had continued and with joys as well as sadness. She told me recently that this had prevented her from taking her own life too. Prayers to Our Lady are particularly helpful, after all no one knows the pain of losing your child better than our blessed mother.
I will pray for you to have wise words for your friends. X
 
God is Father. He has prepared a place for the suffering. Get on with you life and love Him for His mercy. God is Father. All things that we count as bad or sad are in His purview. Nothing is beyond His providence. God is Father. He has a human face, and that name is Jesus. Do not disbelieve the Eternal and the Infinite, who became mortal and human, and who died on the Cross in the worst agony imaginable to mankind. He is in the child during the cancer. His death is the child’s death. Do not doubt. Be filled with love. All is in the Center, in Christ.
 
I realize this may be odd, but something that helps me feel better is recalling “near death experience” testimonies I have read. Most of those who claim to have glimpsed the after-life describe missing it and having no more fear of death. They try to describe inexplicable joy, love, and peace in human words which they say can’t sufficiently express it. I try to remember that the loved one who has died is not stuck in time, so even a child doesn’t have to miss a parent - when the parent gets there it will seem to the child like they had only just parted. I try to think of it as the deceased is on a world tour for a few years. Besides, we don’t know when our time will come. Could be seeing them sooner than we think! I’ve also read that things we’ve suffered on earth will seem unimportant, no matter how awful.
I had friends whose 18 mth old drowned in their pool. The mom praying beside his body after the doctors pronounced him was shown a fleeting vision of her little one in the arms of her own mom who had passed away a few years earlier. She knew they were together. She had some peace from that. Hope something people post gives you comfort and peace.
My heart goes out to the parents. May our Lord reveal his love to them more than ever.
 
Thank you all so much for your kind words. I just can’t stop thinking and hurting for her parents. They were so optimistic right to the end and today they looked totally broken, like broken shells of human beings. Things were improving to the point that she had come home for Thanksgiving, and the doctors told her that by the way things were going, she could go home for Christmas too. They were so excited. Her siblings, her grandparents were over the moon with joy and excitement, Her operations were successful and after going through rounds of chemo and radiation, her doctors had determined that she didn’t need any more of the radiation treatments. Her mom had triumphantly posted on FB on Dec 17 that she was happy to report that she (the daughter) could check off the 4th step out of 6, to beat cancer. However, their daughter started going downhill after that. They ordered rounds of scans over the next few days and were informed on Christmas Eve that the cancer had spread all over her body. There was nothing else they could do. God just seems a million miles away. I never heard such heart rending cries in all my life, and I hope I never have to hear that again. I just want God to help them and comfort them in a major way. Tomorrow will be so hard for them, for that’s the day of their daughter’s funeral. Please pray for them and everyone else who is going through the same thing.
 
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