I'm struggling

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COPLAND_3

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I just want to get something off my chest. I have been a Catholic for about 3 years now, but my wife has not converted. There has been barriers placed between us, and it seems like we just can’t talk about our Faiths. Her religious devotion has been fickle, and I am having a very hard time feeling like a loner. I have not developed any close bonds with my fellow church members, somewhat due to the friction it causes at home trying to have Catholic friends while being a devoted husband and father with this barrier dividing my home. I am just having a hard time lately trying to find my purpose. I would give anything to have a household of one mind and one accord and to share a deep devotion to God with the woman I love. I am just broken right now, please pray for me.
 
That’s so tough, COPLAND…I’m sorry. I will keep you in my prayers…
 
COPLAND_3 said:
I just want to get something off my chest. I have been a Catholic for about 3 years now, but my wife has not converted. There has been barriers placed between us, and it seems like we just can’t talk about our Faiths. Her religious devotion has been fickle, and I am having a very hard time feeling like a loner. I have not developed any close bonds with my fellow church members, somewhat due to the friction it causes at home trying to have Catholic friends while being a devoted husband and father with this barrier dividing my home. I am just having a hard time lately trying to find my purpose. I would give anything to have a household of one mind and one accord and to share a deep devotion to God with the woman I love. I am just broken right now, please pray for me.
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:signofcross: I’m so sorry you feel this pain. I’ll pray. I also suggest you visit the St. Monica’s thread in Family Life to understand you are not alone. Hopefully that will help.

Peace be with you!
 
Green scapular. Put one under her mattress and pray every day: “Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us now and at the hour of death, amen.” It’s like burying St. Joseph to sell a house, only slightly different.
 
My husband and I have been married for 3 years and he just decided to accept the Church recently. It was a long and very difficult struggle, I felt like our married life hadn’t started yet, but it is definitely worth not losing hope. Here are a few things I did and also some good advice I was given:
  • Pray, pray and pray some more. This is really the most effective tool you have. Pray not so much that your spouse will change her mind, but that she will see the truth. Pray with her that you both be guided to the Truth. I had this desire in my heart 24/7, I told God I realized there was nothing else I desired more, and that actually helped me in my practice of virtue.
  • Offer up every single Eucharist you receive for the conversion of your spouse specially, and all other souls as well. Remember to offer it up every time you go back to your pew with Jesus in the Eucharist (I would usually touch my husband and pray that God give him some of the immense grace I was receiving, at least in form of actual grace).
  • Preach mostly by example. Be the best catholic you can be, and she’ll end up seeing the goodness in it.
  • Respect your wife and understand that each person has their own timing and God Himself is patient with them.
  • Be available to explain your faith, or at least get her the answer she needs.
  • Encourage her to even read accusations against the Church to bring them up to you for you to answer.
  • Encourage her to go find answers for herself.
  • Above all and this is the hardest one: trust in God. Trust that He can do it. Realize that He’ll be the one performing the miracle, you have no power to do it yourself. Every conversion is a true miracle,and remember, there is nothing that occupies God’s mind more than the conversion of a soul. It’s not healing, it’s not saving people from death or suffering, it’s gathering His flock into the Truth in order to set them free. Your wife is His top priority!
Finally, I just wanted to say that my own spirituality and closeness to God has been increased a lot through this suffering. I have learned so much, I had great encouragement to practice virtue, and a good habit has formed. I pray that God helps me to continue trying my best, for my family and the rest of the Church.
 
I just asked my husband what single source of information helped him the most through this time. He said: Fr. John Corapi’s Catechism Series DVDs.

He went through several sources: online articles, books, 2 years and some of RCIA (never going through the final rites during lent), Bible Study in the parish, Bible study with me at home, Mary Foundation CDs, etc. And he said what gave him a thorough and interesting explanation of the Faith was Fr. John Corapi’s Catechism DVD set. Each episode is ~ 45min. We watched it almost daily during supper. It costs around 250 dollars if you get the presentation + the Q&A sections, but I’d pay tens of thousands for it, it is truly priceless.
fathercorapi.com/Catechism-Question-and-Answer-DVD-SALE—ALMOST-58-HOURS—SAVE-7900-P287C2.aspx
If you can’t spend the money right now, it shows on EWTN every Sunday night at 8pm Eastern time, in order. They’ve been showing it repeatedly for 10 years. The bummer is you can’t wait until the following talk.
ewtn.com/tv/NAgrid0908.asp

It is accurate, it’s black on white, there’s no relaxation of the rules to please anybody, and he appreciated that, whereas in the RCIA he heard several contradictory statements that we had to investigate later and make up for. Although of course it did still help a lot.
 
Hi Copeland 3,

Sorry to hear of your dilemma. But did you know the same brokenness can and does exist in marriages between two Catholics, when one of them is considerably less engaged with the faith. Not only is the observant one often seen as a weirdo religious nut, but make one minor slip up and it’s “HA, you’re such a hippocrite!”.

I really hate to admit it, but at times it may feel like a no-win situation; ie. you can’t just leave, and you can’t give up the faith Jesus gave us. It only leaves suffering and praying. The Catholic church must contain all truth, and must be protected by the Holy Spirit, because you sure couldn’t pay people to live like this if it wasn’t!

-Tim
 
I just want to say that I can sure feel the results of your prayers. I do appreciate them very much!

This thread that I started last night was the result of not only a few years of tension over this situation, but we had a conversation last night that brought about the same tensions that we have tried to side step for awhile, and we were both a little stirred up, and I just needed to vent. We had a good talk this morning and I got her to understand that I felt like she gets defensive because she thinks that I am narrow minded and unwilling to see other views, and then she immediately disregards anything that I say and we get nowhere. To make a long story short I showed her and convinced her that that is not true, and she admitted that she has hung onto a defense mode that has continued to keep a barrier between us that highly limits our communication. It was a very good beginning for us on this issue. I know that what I am saying probably sounds as clear as mud. 😃

But anyway, thanks for providing a listening ear for me when I needed it. And thank you all for your prayers and wonderful advice!
 
COPLAND_3 said:
I just want to say that I can sure feel the results of your prayers. I do appreciate them very much!

This thread that I started last night was the result of not only a few years of tension over this situation, but we had a conversation last night that brought about the same tensions that we have tried to side step for awhile, and we were both a little stirred up, and I just needed to vent. We had a good talk this morning and I got her to understand that I felt like she gets defensive because she thinks that I am narrow minded and unwilling to see other views, and then she immediately disregards anything that I say and we get nowhere. To make a long story short I showed her and convinced her that that is not true, and she admitted that she has hung onto a defense mode that has continued to keep a barrier between us that highly limits our communication. It was a very good beginning for us on this issue. I know that what I am saying probably sounds as clear as mud. 😃

But anyway, thanks for providing a listening ear for me when I needed it. And thank you all for your prayers and wonderful advice!
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My wife was an atheist when I married her. Seven years of similar disputes. Thanks be to God she became Catholic. We now pray the Rosary together. My advice: spend more time talking to God about her than talking to her about God.
 
Copeland3, I know exactly what you are going through (in a reverse sort of way). I am not Catholic married to a Roman Catholic. I knew we’d have some issues so it hasn’t been too rough but it’s only been about 5 months since we got married 😉 .
We dated for about 21/2 years before we got married so we had plenty of time to talk over things and work out some of the arguments beforehand. He is not the most patient people I know, especially about his religion, but he has a very understanding and patient Mother whom I can talk to when I have questions. I am not “fickle” in my christian walk as you said your wife has been but I am not ready to follow the Catholic teaching either. I go to Mass with him because I don’t like to go to church by myself but I feel more distant from God because I feel like an Outsider there.

I guess I can sort of relate to the stress it puts on your married life. I always thought I would be married to a man who would be a strong christian leader in our marriage but that is not how it turned out. His mother says I have been good for him because I am the one who always has to remind him of his own religious teachings. 🙂 Not that I know it all or even half but what they tell me I make sure he follows. Nothing I have heard of yet I really disagree with too much. But if that is what he believes and what he needs to do I will do my wifely duty and make sure he does it.

I don’t know I guess God has a way of putting the right people together for whatever he plans. I had to wait until I was 29 to find him. (But he was well worth the wait!)

p.s. I just saw that you are from Ashland KY. Hello Neighbor! I am living in Danville, KY!
 
COPLAND_3 said:
I just want to get something off my chest. I have been a Catholic for about 3 years now, but my wife has not converted. There has been barriers placed between us, and it seems like we just can’t talk about our Faiths. Her religious devotion has been fickle, and I am having a very hard time feeling like a loner. I have not developed any close bonds with my fellow church members, somewhat due to the friction it causes at home trying to have Catholic friends while being a devoted husband and father with this barrier dividing my home. I am just having a hard time lately trying to find my purpose. I would give anything to have a household of one mind and one accord and to share a deep devotion to God with the woman I love. I am just broken right now, please pray for me.
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It’s about you and Christ, through Catholicism. Live your faith. Imitate Christ privately. Seek excellence in discipleship, which of course includes suffering. Don’t leave the faith because of the opinions and/or behaviors of someone else. No offense, but that would constitute betrayal.
 
I thank everyone who prayed for me and gave encouragment and suggestions. It took a while to get over the anxiety and emotions that were dragging me down. It was an emotional trial for me, but I am much better now.

Thanks again!
 
itsjustdave1988 said:
My wife was an atheist when I married her. Seven years of similar disputes. Thanks be to God she became Catholic. We now pray the Rosary together. My advice: spend more time talking to God about her than talking to her about God.
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This is excellent advice, Dave. I’m going to try it with my son (talking to God about him, instead of talking to him about God.) 👍
 
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