I'm the emotional abuser in the relationship, and I need help

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NFLgirl4GB

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How do I get help?

My ex-boyfriend, Now friend… has been looking up information on the Internet and he thinks he is being emotionally abused. I have also looked emotional abuse up just now. I hate to say it, but I agree.

I realize I have a problem now. And I also realize that I was emotionally abused as a child. And/or seen my mom emotionally abused. Although I think she emotionally abused me as well.

I really want help. I still want things to work out between us, but I can completely understand if he doesn’t want to be with me again.

Can anyone help me get help? I don’t want to abuse him anymore. I also want him to recover from this. 😦
 
Yes, but I don’t know where to go to. But I guess I’m going to have to start seriously looking for one.
 
NFLgirl4GB said:
How do I get help?

My ex-boyfriend, Now friend… has been looking up information on the Internet and he thinks he is being emotionally abused. I have also looked emotional abuse up just now. I hate to say it, but I agree.

I realize I have a problem now. And I also realize that I was emotionally abused as a child. And/or seen my mom emotionally abused. Although I think she emotionally abused me as well.

I really want help. I still want things to work out between us, but I can completely understand if he doesn’t want to be with me again.

Can anyone help me get help? I don’t want to abuse him anymore. I also want him to recover from this. 😦
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Dont feel bad, I am all about the emotional abuse…I grew up with it from my mom still deal with it 24/7, and my exhusband which I still get it as we speak!!!

See a counselor…Speak with your priest…

Even though of all the things I have gone through I never saw one, I am a little different though…I have the worst self-esteem on most days, but even though I am happy, glad and never wish any ill on anyone…I love life, my family, children, GOD first and foremost, my honey, and people all around…I have trouble with myself but I don’t hurt anyone…I too sometimes have found myself not to humble when a fight is started against me, meaning emotionally, I bounce back but I am learning not to…It’s a work in progress but I am trying to do so with GOD’s help…

I wish you good luck and GOD’s blessing!!!
 
Well I am starting to go to Adoration DAILY. I was most happy when I went to adoration back in early 2006… but then I stopped going completely and my life went to hell. So I’m going to try my best to go daily. Because I think that will truly help me. But hey, I gotta go, because I have to try to vote before my classes start today. I’ll be back in a few hours though. Thank you guys.
 
My prayers are with you… having suffered emotional abuse from my mother also, I sympathize.
Seek counseling… maybe talk to your priest for recommendations and spiritual advice.
God bless.
 
I have been emotionally abused as a kid, and also in a relationship prior to my husband…and it’s very admirable of you to realize you have a problem, and are seeking answers and help for it. Praise be to God!

I think that many emotional abusers always point the finger outwards at others…but God bless you for recognizing this, and wishing to change it. With God, all things are possible. Maybe ask you parish if they could recommend a counselor?

You’re in my prayers for a complete recovery of this.🙂
 
If you are in college, there are counselors there. Your community will have a Community Mental Health Center, and they usually have a sliding scale if you din’t have insurance. And most dioceses have Catholic Charities which will have a counseling component available.That’s where you go. Blessings on you for recognizing this and being willing to address it. I am a counselor, and many of my clients have a history of emotional abuse. Usually the abuser will blame the victim, as so most kinds of abusers.

Peace,
Linda
 
NFLgirl4GB said:
Yes, but I don’t know where to go to. But I guess I’m going to have to start seriously looking for one.
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Have you talked to your pastor about this? Priests are a great resource and source of information for resources.
 
dhgray said:
Have you talked to your pastor about this? Priests are a great resource and source of information for resources.
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I second this! I am a YM at a church and I have a list of various counselors - some are Catholic.
 
NFLgirl4GB said:
How do I get help?

My ex-boyfriend, Now friend… has been looking up information on the Internet and he thinks he is being emotionally abused. I have also looked emotional abuse up just now. I hate to say it, but I agree.

I realize I have a problem now. And I also realize that I was emotionally abused as a child. And/or seen my mom emotionally abused. Although I think she emotionally abused me as well.

I really want help. I still want things to work out between us, but I can completely understand if he doesn’t want to be with me again.

Can anyone help me get help? I don’t want to abuse him anymore. I also want him to recover from this.
Click to expand...
Congratulations on recognising you have a problem and deciding to do what you can to change your behaviour. It isn’t easy doing this, especially when you have grown up seeing other people doing the abusing. As children, we think the way people close to us, especially our parents, behave is the way to behave.

Agree counselling is the way to go and other posters have given you some good ideas about how to find a suitable one. Suggest you consider that your first visit is a check whether you and the counsellor can work together.

Also please be kind to yourself when you relapse - how you deal with relapses matters. Also it can help if you (and your counsellor) are able to identify the situations when you abuse so you can avoid them (when possible) while you are working on the issue or if this isn’t possible to have strategies to avoid them escalating into abuse.

Best wishes.
 
I have emailed my priest at my church and he gave the number for Catholic Charities. I called and left a message there for someone to call me back.
 
Also the books:

Bad Childhood, Good Life

10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives

and The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

all by Dr. Laura Schlessinger … will help tremendously. While counseling will be helpful, deciding to change that about yourself is the biggest step – and you have already made it. Read those books for the tools in which to implement the new YOU!

Good luck, prayers are with you, oh and please come back and update us!
 
I have a question…what do you mean by ‘emotional abuse’? I mean, and not disrespectfully, how does this abuse translate into actions on your part?
 
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