IMPORTANT. need descr. of "annullment"

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Jaded27

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I need a little help. Not being Catholic myself, I am having a hard time explaining why I need the annulment.
I emailed my ex yesterday about him receiving paperwork soon. He emailed me back and said that he’ll fill it out, but he won’t fill out anything that says our marriage wasn’t valid or something.

I know that’s not what the annulment is saying per say. It’s not a real annulment, it’s a decree of nullility.

How do I explain this to him so that he won’t freak out? Keep in mind, he’s a devout Witness who hates I’m marrying a Catholic and being married by a priest. I think he’ll actually help me out on this if I can just explain it in a nice way. Any help on what I should tell him?

I really appreciate it. Thanks.
 
An annulment is a finding by a Church tribunal that ON THE DAY VOWS WERE EXCHANGED at least some essential element for a valid marriage was lacking, such as, one of the parties did not intend lifelong fidelity to the other person or excluded children entirely. Another example would be that one of the parties was incapable of marriage (due to some constitutional weakness, such as mental illness or some psychological condition that prevented making the marital commitment - gross immaturity, homosexuality, etc.).

An “annulment” does NOT concern whether the marriage was a happy one, whether one of the spouses LATER became unfaithful, or LATER decided not to have children, but only their INTENTION on the wedding day. If a marriage was made THAT day it is a life-long bond, irrespective of what happened later in the marriage. To “annul” a marriage based on “failure to achieve communion” or some other factor not recognized by the Holy See (as has been done) is not a decree of nullity at all but a divorce. Such decisions are a source of grave scandal in the Church and are both canonically and morally invalid.
 
Decrees of nullity can be granted with or without the cooperation of the ex, provided of course there is valid reason for the anullment… The gist isn’t that the marriage never existed or wasn’t valid, but that it was not a “sacramental” marriage as recognized by the Catholic Church. Any children involved are not considered illegitimate. Hard to explain to a JW, I’m sure.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, and good for you looking into having the proper preparation and paperwork for a valid marriage.
 
Thank you for your answers. I hope he understands them. I just want him to fill out the forms quickly and send them back. I don’t even care what he says. . .
:rolleyes:
 
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Jaded27:
I need a little help. Not being Catholic myself, I am having a hard time explaining why I need the annulment.
I emailed my ex yesterday about him receiving paperwork soon. He emailed me back and said that he’ll fill it out, but he won’t fill out anything that says our marriage wasn’t valid or something.

I know that’s not what the annulment is saying per say. It’s not a real annulment, it’s a decree of nullility.

How do I explain this to him so that he won’t freak out? Keep in mind, he’s a devout Witness who hates I’m marrying a Catholic and being married by a priest. I think he’ll actually help me out on this if I can just explain it in a nice way. Any help on what I should tell him?

I really appreciate it. Thanks.
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Actually I’m a bit confused with what you are saying. An annulment is saying the marriage bond was never there.

Until you receive it, your marriage to your ex is still considered valid (ie you considered a married woman). From canon law:
Can. 1060 Marriage enjoys the favor of law. Consequently,** in doubt the validity of a marriage must be upheld until the contrary is proven. **

If he feels like the marriage is valid, I don’t blame him for not wanting to sign anything that may say the contrary. If you believe there are good reasons to find it invalid, maybe you can point them out to him (with canon law to back you up).
 
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lifeisbeautiful:
Actually I’m a bit confused with what you are saying. An annulment is saying the marriage bond was never there.

Until you receive it, your marriage to your ex is still considered valid (ie you considered a married woman). From canon law:
Can. 1060 Marriage enjoys the favor of law. Consequently,** in doubt the validity of a marriage must be upheld until the contrary is proven. **
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I don’t understand what YOU’RE saying now. . . .lol.
I am getting an annullment through the church. I am legally divorced. I needed a way to explain it to my ex husband so that he will fill out the paperwork and not be a jerk.
 
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Jaded27:
I don’t understand what YOU’RE saying now. . . .lol.
I am getting an annullment through the church. I am legally divorced. I needed a way to explain it to my ex husband so that he will fill out the paperwork and not be a jerk.
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Well, I’m saying that an annulment does mean your marriage was never valid.

What I was pointing out is that until an annulment is granted, you are both still considered married to each other. So maybe he’s not trying to be a jerk, just trying to do what’s best.

I was saying that if he feels like it is valid, that you might want to point out to him why you feel it is not. 🙂 You can use canon law as a reference. Canon Law
 
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lifeisbeautiful:
Well, I’m saying that an annulment does mean your marriage was never valid.

What I was pointing out is that until an annulment is granted, you are both still considered married to each other. So maybe he’s not trying to be a jerk, just trying to do what’s best.

I was saying that if he feels like it is valid, that you might want to point out to him why you feel it is not. 🙂
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oh oh oh. 🙂 Thanks for the clarification.

Well the problem being I don’t wnt him to see it that way cuz he’ll flip out. I already got a divorce so I am divorced and feel that’s all I need to do. I’m getting the decree of nullility strictly for my fiancee. I don’t think I want to straight out say to my ex the entire explanation of it. That’s why I was trying to find a nice way to say it to a Jehovah’s Witness. Cuz if it says straight out it’s not valid anymore he will flip out. I just want him to fill out the paperwork quickly. I sent him a couple explanations I got above and he seemed to accept them so hopefully he will just fill it out and send it back quicly so that my marriage won’t be held up by the tribunal. ::sigh:: I’d just once like for something in life to be easy.
 
I’m sure this goes with out saying but I so would NOT use “canon law” to help your JW ex-husband understand the importance of the annulment… :tsktsk:

Talk about falling on deaf ears, huh?
 
carol marie:
I’m sure this goes with out saying but I so would NOT use “canon law” to help your JW ex-husband understand the importance of the annulment… :tsktsk:

Talk about falling on deaf ears, huh?
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What do you mean? Canon law is one of the tools used by ecclesiastical tribunals, what better resource than that?
 
Yea, I"m going with canon law because that will only help with my ex I think. That way it just seems even sillier to him since none of this really means anything to him when it comes to the church. See what I’m saying?
 
Oh wait a sec, I just thought you meant a good Witness as in witness to Catholic Faith lol… Duh, sorry, I didn’t sleep well last night hehe…

Ok, well, with that clear, an annulment still means the marriage bond was never there, so I would not tell him that this is not true, because it would be a lie. Canon law is still a clear source of info on marriage and its validity.

All I can say is that I doubt he has to sign anything that says it is invalid in order for the annulment to be given. The ecclesiastical tribunals are the ones who decide whether it is valid or not, so you let him know you are doing this to see if you are free to marry in the Catholic Church, (since you cannot marry in the Catholic if you already have a marriage bond).

And also, even if your annulment were granted, ie it were to be found that your marriage was never valid, secular laws don’t see it that way, so for the US gov. you were married, if that is was worries him.
 
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lifeisbeautiful:
What do you mean? Canon law is one of the tools used by ecclesiastical tribunals, what better resource than that?
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Her ex-husband is a devout Jehovah’s Witness. He would have zero respect for the cannon law of the Catholic Church. Just as a Catholic would not have any respect for the laws of the Watchtower Society. So I don’t think using that would motivate him in the least.

Do you agree Jaded?

*And when I say “no respect” I mean that he wouldn’t feel he is bound by it… just like Catholics wouldn’t feel they are bound by the laws of the WT.
 
carol marie:
Her ex-husband is a devout Jehovah’s Witness. He would have zero respect for the cannon law of the Catholic Church. Just as a Catholic would not have any respect for the laws of the Watchtower Society. So I don’t think using that would motivate him in the least.

Do you agree Jaded?

*And when I say “no respect” I mean that he wouldn’t feel he is bound by it… just like Catholics wouldn’t feel they are bound by the laws of the WT.
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yeah, lol, I’m sleepy :yawn: and interpreted Witness as a Catholic witnees to Faith 😃 … read my post above 🙂

Thanks for the clarification!
 
Yea, but like I said, I just want him to fill it out QUICKLY. Quickly is my main concern here. So by explaining canon law to him it doesn’t matter. It’s just how quickly he decides to fill out or not fill out hte paperwork.

and “lifeisbeautiful” - yes, exactly.I told him he’s not signing a paper that says “my marriage never existed”. He’s just giving “his side” of the story through the questionaire. Hopefully he’ll fill it out and send it in right away.
 
Oh, btw Jaded, welcome to the forums, its nice having you here 🙂

You can use canon law as a resource for yourself since you are marrying in the Catholic Church 🙂
 
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Jaded27:
I need a little help. Not being Catholic myself, I am having a hard time explaining why I need the annulment.
I emailed my ex yesterday about him receiving paperwork soon. He emailed me back and said that he’ll fill it out, but he won’t fill out anything that says our marriage wasn’t valid or something.

I know that’s not what the annulment is saying per say. It’s not a real annulment, it’s a decree of nullility.

How do I explain this to him so that he won’t freak out? Keep in mind, he’s a devout Witness who hates I’m marrying a Catholic and being married by a priest. I think he’ll actually help me out on this if I can just explain it in a nice way. Any help on what I should tell him?

I really appreciate it. Thanks.
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I suggest you get the book **Annulment: The Wedding That Was ** by Michael Smith Foster
 
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1ke:
I suggest you get the book **Annulment: The Wedding That Was ** by Michael Smith Foster
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Is that an explanation or more of a “comfort” book?
 
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