In jest!

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YoungTradCath

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It seems we have a Tumblr blogger who is a master of the comedic:
Of all the composers whose works are performed by surpliced choirs, Giovanni Battista de’ Palestrina is perhaps the most degenerate. In the whole catalogue of his works is not a single memorable tune; instead, a typical composition by Palestrina features four or more vocal parts attempting to outdo each other in the aimlessness of their polyphonic meandering. Not even one of Palestrina’s works is written in the common speech of England; all are written either in the Latin tongue or in a language called Italian. In its excess of depravity, the music of Palestrina attracted the attention of the Bishop of Rome himself, who named the young composer as his chapel musician.
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Shocking as it may seem, this enemy of English values is a favourite composer among Ritualist church musicians, for whom listening to the dismal moaning of a Latin “motet” is thought to be the height of aesthetic experience. A favourite composition is the Missa Papae Marcelli, whose text (written by Palestrina himself) congratulates the newly-elected Pope Marcellus IV on the purchase of a new diamond-encrusted chasuble. Other works often heard are the battle hymn Sicut cervus, which prays to St Januarius to send a plague of rickets upon all loyal churchmen, and the interminable Stabat mater, which expresses the deep sorrow of the Virgin Mary at the defeat of the Spanish Armada in 1588.
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It is believed that Palestrina is now dead, although agents attempting to enter the Vatican to verify these reports have been captured or killed.
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Read the rest! lowchurchmanguide.tumblr.com/
 
(I hope everyone realizes that the owner of the blog is most likely a Catholic of traddish persuasion…)
 
I think it’s a bit overdone; it will confuse people. Some nice illustrations. Might have been better just to give an overview of the elements of the Vetus Ordo ritual.
 
YoungTradCath said:
(I hope everyone realizes that the owner of the blog is most likely a Catholic of traddish persuasion…)
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And honing their wit with each post. The initial few were minimalist, to say the least, but becoming more creatively brilliant with each new post.

I loved the one on the aspersorium.
If you have heard the word “aspersorium” before, you are probably a ritualist. This unmusical Latinate word refers to a vessel used to contain “holy water” for use in various ritualistic ceremonies. Despite its grandiose title, the aspersorium is really just a glorified bucket. Various cognate terms exist, including “aspergilium” (the device used to sprinkle water from the aspersorium), “Asperges” (the sprinkling ceremony itself), and “Aspergistrix” (the pious woman who is traditionally expected to donate aspergistical equipment to the parish upon her third female child’s seventeenth birthday).
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The above picture shows a typical rite in which the aspersorium is used. The head ritualist (with beard) is attended by two acolytes who hold the edges of his cope and a third who carries the aspersorium; he himself is holding a sheaf of wheat, symbolizing the bounty of English agriculture. Since the altar is bare and undecorated, this is not the ritualists’ home parish; they have come to lay a curse upon this building and the loyal churchmen who worship therein. The head ritualist will chant Latin phrases while scattering pieces of wheat around the edges of the altar; he will then sprinkle the altar seven times, representing the seven sorrows of Mary. As the head ritualist and his attendants leave the church in procession, the torchbearers at the rear of the picture will set the church on fire.
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More research is needed on “holy water.” It is possible that the term is a corruption of “heavy water” (deuterium oxide), which is used in nuclear reactors; this raises the alarming possibility that ritualists may be on the brink of developing nuclear capabilities. It is also possible, however, that the term should be taken literally, and that ritualists really do worship water; this discovery, if true, would be no more surprising than some of their other idolatrous practices.
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More research is needed on “holy water.” It is possible that the term is a corruption of “heavy water” (deuterium oxide), which is used in nuclear reactors; this raises the alarming possibility that ritualists may be on the brink of developing nuclear capabilities.

:rotfl:
 
I like the one about weddings, especially: “One shudders to think of the children produced by such a union, for whom even such horrors as Compline and the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin would be accepted as everyday occurrences.”

😃
 
What’s the deal with this having a 2 star rating? Let’s get it up people. 😃
 
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