In love with a priest

[larsenl1]

Larsen, I’m so sorry. I did not mean to make you think I was offended and I do appreciate your advice. You’re right…No matter what my previous experience was, I am a new catholic and I realize every day how much I have to learn. I’m sure your are a kind person, so am I. I hope you won’t hold it against me if I was a little too sensitive. I honestly wish my friend didn’t feel this way about a consecrated man of God. It’s an uncomfortable position to be in, but for whatever reason I’m involved in the dilemma she’s facing. I appreciate your candor and honesty. Please don’t hesitate to help me out in the future. I need friends like you to point things out to me and help me grow as a practicing catholic. If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you been catholic?

I will be happy to help you out with future questions.

I have been Catholic since Easter Vigil 2007. I assist with the RCIA class every year as one of my talents. I still have a lot to learn and this forum has some scholars, phds, masters in theology. I learn a lot from reading what other people post, too.

As a pastor’s wife, I’m sure you have a lot to offer and bring to your parish. I understand that you are in a very difficult situation.

Having a priest to confide in could easily lead to an attraction like you described and your friend is not alone in these thoughts.

One thing that I have learned after my conversion was truly how many people are hurting. You may already have seen this in your life, but for me it was eye opening how just about every family has a really bad situation that they struggle with, be it a child with an addiction, a troubled marriage, a lost job, etc. and how they find comfort in their faith.

 

[Charlemagne_II]

Above all she should avoid every occasion of being alone with the priest. For all she knows, he may be thinking secretly about her in the same way she is thinking about him. She should definitely go to another priest for confession, and most importantly of all … she should work on developing greater intimacy with, and affection for, her husband.

That intimacy can be improved by their working together in the same ministries … RCIA, prison ministry, etc.

 

[Barbkw]

I know someone who is married and she has developed feelings of love for her Priest. She has asked me if she needs to confess adultery. I am a new convert, so I wasn’t sure what to tell her. She has assured me that nothing inappropriate has happened between them and that she would not commit adultery at the risk of destroying her family. The Priest is not aware of her feelings. Please tell me how to advise her about confession.

When you write “feelings of love”, do you actually mean “feelings of lust?”

She has assured me that nothing inappropriate has happened between them and that she would not commit adultery at the risk of destroying her family.

I love all of our priests, but not to the point of asking someone else if I need to confess it as an act of unchastity.

In my opinion, she doesn’t understand the boundaries of agape love and has allowed her thoughts to turn sexual.

 

[2010_Convert]

Barbkw,
My friend claims that she is in love with her priest. The reason she asked me about confessing it is because, sometimes when she thinks about him, her thoughts turn sexual. She was told that, if you have lustful thoughts and you’re married, it is adultery. She thought that adultery had to be a physical relationship. Since he is not even aware of her feelings, she did not think it was wrong to be in love with him. She made the comment that she has no control over who her heart loves. Be assured, the love she has for her priest is not agape love. She has told me that she would not commit adultery and she would never do anything to jeopardize his position in the church. But, who knows what she would do if it was a mutual attraction.

 

[Waiting]

Barbkw,
My friend claims that she is in love with her priest. The reason she asked me about confessing it is because, sometimes when she thinks about him, her thoughts turn sexual. She was told that, if you have lustful thoughts and you’re married, it is adultery. She thought that adultery had to be a physical relationship. Since he is not even aware of her feelings, she did not think it was wrong to be in love with him. She made the comment that she has no control over who her heart loves. Be assured, the love she has for her priest is not agape love. She has told me that she would not commit adultery and she would never do anything to jeopardize his position in the church. But, who knows what she would do if it was a mutual attraction.

Your friend is playing with fire. If she sincerely wanted the best for the priest, then she would make sure there was little or no contact between them. Sounds like she is subconsciously enjoying a fantasy here, and doesn’t want to give it up. Unless she does, this story will not have a happy ending.

 

[Barbkw]

Barbkw,
My friend claims that she is in love with her priest. The reason she asked me about confessing it is because, sometimes when she thinks about him, her thoughts turn sexual. She was told that, if you have lustful thoughts and you’re married, it is adultery. She thought that adultery had to be a physical relationship. Since he is not even aware of her feelings, she did not think it was wrong to be in love with him. She made the comment that she has no control over who her heart loves. Be assured, the love she has for her priest is not agape love. She has told me that she would not commit adultery and she would never do anything to jeopardize his position in the church. But, who knows what she would do if it was a mutual attraction.

From what I’ve heard, lust in the heart is actually a wish to dominate and control another person.

Some woman and men are also dependently attracted to “unavailable” people.

Her unchastity toward herself, her husband and this priest is a grave sin. We can develop control over lust and we can control who and how we love people.

I think in our generation, people are tragically unaware of the virtue of chastity.

Father Brian Mullady O.P. has a very interesting program on EWTN called “Healing the Spirit”. The program

“…takes a look at the spiritual side of the human person, specifically the powers of the mind and spirit, how they are affected by sin, and how they can be healed through Christ’s redemptive power and the operation of grace in the soul.”

Episodes Include:

Human Wholeness

Divine Intimacy

Original Integrity

The Original Sin

The Cause Of Emotional Illness

The Types Of Emotional Illness

Grace And Prayer

The Purgative Way

The Illuminative Way

The Unitive Way

Healing Of The Spirit

Healing Of The Spirit In Family: The Mother

Healing Of Spirit In Family: The Child

ewtn.com/series/2008/1/healing.htm

fatherbtm.com/