In need of a little help

[sarcophagus]

Lately, do to the stress of everyday life (which I don’t handle as well as I thought) I’ve noticed that I have not been a good person at all. I am a very determined person, all or nothing, I give everyone a chance until they do something rude/mean and afterwards I give them no time of day. I voice my opinions loudly and proudly and I don’t really care what anyone thinks of me…until now. My friends now call me the vicious one, the mean girl, the angry one, the %^&*$ etc. I don’t want to be known for these things. I want to be a nice person, charitable, I don’t want to give up on people after one try, I don’t want to swear and sound like a teenager, I want to be a polite, respectable woman, but I was never brought up to be and I don’t know how to change. Though I think I’m rather modest, I want to be even more so. I want to be devout to my Lord, and I don’t want to say it but not mean it. I want all these things, and I ask for help, but I don’t know where to start to help myself. I guess the point of this would be, I need someone who can guide me in the right direction, tell me how to do things properly.

I’m sorry this is so confusing, I just don’t know how to help myself. If anyone knows where I can start (I already know that mass is a good start) please, fill me in…thanks

 

[mylo]

sarcophagus:

I want to be a nice person, charitable, I don’t want to give up on people after one try, I don’t want to swear and sound like a teenager, I want to be a polite, respectable woman, but I was never brought up to be and I don’t know how to change…

Thanks to a couple of months on oilrigs, I became incredibly profane and swear like a sailor. Definately not lady-like!

I wish I had some advice for you, but I came to a similiar realization not too long ago. I’ve been praying for guidance in all this. I’ll pray for you, too.

 

[Della]

I would recommend praying the Rosary for both you gals. Meditate on the meaning of the titles of Jesus and Mary–on their holiness and splendor. Read good uplifting material and stay away from movies, programs or reading material that would reinforce bad language. And go to confession and let your priest give you penances. Even if you aren’t yet Catholic a priest can give you spiritual exercises or prayers to help you overcome this problem.

 

[JMJ_Theresa]

I’ve found that fasting is helpful with bad speech. In a conversation, fast from speaking your opinion. Offer only questions and mirror comments.

If you can anticipate some comments that will set you off–decide before hand to “offer these up.” For example, some days when I am getting really irritated with the kidlings because I find I’m repeating myself a lot, I decide to offer up all my repeats. Then, I say to Jesus (silently), “another present for you.”

I’ve been told that critical thoughts are human nature, so often our first thought about someone is negative. Therefore the first thought is not a sin, but the followup to it can be. In the spirit of Cor 13:7, try to make excuses for people. When Edwina tells you about she’s decided to give her college tuition to her boyfriend so he can go to juggling school, think “how selfless, if not wise.”

If there is a person who brings this trait out in you, avoid them. I had to let go of a phone friendship because I would spend the whole time making catty comments about people to get a laugh from the other person.

Try memorizing scripture.

Be patient with yourself and persevere!!

 

[John-the-Seeker]

First of all you are already not only a good person but a very good person. The Bible says that God created everything and saw that it was good and when He created mankind, He saw that mankind was very good.
It is the things you do that you wish to modify, so tell yourself,“I am very good and I can with God’s help change the things I do.”
A start has been done. You have recognized an area needing change. So the next step is confession, to a priest, who can give you absolution from your sins and advice as to how to avoid the near occasions of these sins.
The second is to recognize that you CARE, but change how you care. When CARE is working against us, the letters stand for, “I Control And Regulate Everything” therefore my opinion is the only valid option for you and by extention others. Recognize only God can and does Control And Regulate Everything and you are not Him. Learn to CARE. That is learn to Comfort/Console/Counsel And Release Emotions. Both yours and others. Be easier on yourself and others. Recognize that you and they are a work in progress with faults that draw you to need and lean on God. Be patient with yourself and others. God is patient. Try always to imitate God. Try always to love.

 

[PraRFLEsEkHm]

Hi

I have been struggling with similar things lately - profanity is one of them, although not the most pressing for me. I found that reading spiritual books, particularly books from Saints that deal with conversion, are the most beneficial for me. Here are two of the ones I found to be most helpful for me. Pray your way through them, absorb as much as you can, and then start over - these are meant to be incorporated into your entire life - and what they deal with are, necessarily - a way of life, not just an addition to it.

St. Francis de Sales

Thomas 'a Kempis

Both of these are found in their entirety online - but I would recommend purchasing if you can (They are less than $15.00 each) because then you can take them anywhere and devote time to Our Lord and your spiritual walk.

God Bless

Peace this Christmas Season

John

 

[kayla]

Sarc,
have you ever considered talking to a priest and pouring out your heart to him with these problems?
that would be the first thing I would do b/c often times he speaks tho Jesus and that is who you need to hear from right now.
You’r in my prayers.
Kayla

 

[KCT]

“Know yourself, accept yourself, better yourself.” (from the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius)

You can change behaviors but you can’t change your basic temperament. If you’re outgoing, you aren’t likely to become an introvert. Read up on some basic info about personalities or temperaments. Figure out more about yourselves, what your strenghts and weaknesses are and go from there. Try these for starters:

The Temperament God Gave You by Art and Larraine Bennett (both Catholics - great book!)
Personality Plus by Florence Littauer (Protestant)

–KCT

 

[John_Russell_Jr]

Hi, At the risk of sounding like a hypocrite I have a few pointers. St Catherine of Sienna used to imagine herself in bible scenes. When she was working with friends or at home she would pretend that the others were Mary, St Joseph , Jesus etc. Why don’t you read the gospels a few times and just pretend your with those most holy people. EG When at work your boss could be St Joseph, your co workers other disciples. Treat the whole thing as a game. But take it a little serious. If you do this gradually you will improve. Something we can all do with.
Treat the whole spiritual life like a game. How many prayers can I say, people can I help, penances can I do etc. But to make sure you don’t get unbalanced try to find a good spiritual director. I recommend Opus Dei here though there are many others.
Also try reading the works of St Josemaria Escriva. Here is one of the great saints who had a message for the modern man. Check it out.
escrivaworks.org/ Don’t take things too seriously. Try to enjoy life and just make a little progress each day. Thers 365 days in a year. God bless you.