In Need of Advice

[JCPhoenix]

Hi, everyone. I’m probably not the only person to ever have this problem, so I"m hoping some of you wiser people can offer some advice!

Here’s the deal: I bought a townhome in February, and then adopted my German Shepherd. The townhome doesn’t have so much as a privacy fence between units, and it’s a “carriage style” home…so the people living next to me are in a “loft” with 4 garages underneath. Their “front door” is next to mine…about 20 feet between doors. No fence.

And they have a deck off their kitchen. One way or another they see everythign that’s going on in the area which as I am a single woman, is somewhat comforting because they would be able to recognize something wrong.

But on the other hand my privacy is constantly invaded. In talking to people, my life is an open book. But when I’m at home I want to be at home, and if I feel isolative, I want to be isolative…and it is my right as a human being to be so.

But every time I step out my door, their little girl, an 8 year old, is following me around, questioning and commenting on every move I make. I’ve tried to nicely ask her to let me be…such as if I’m reading, etc. But she wants to pet the dog, and now dog(s), as I just adopted a Greyhound. If asked to do something, she does the opposite. I’ve always spoken kindly to her and I don’t feel comfortable in disciplining another’s child…especially with the parent present! But they don’t seem to have any boundaries!

This girl looks in windows…I’ve caught her looking into mine, and the day I brought the Greyhound home, I took him out right away to do his business and sniff around. I saw the girl’s mother on the deck and asked her to keep little “Sara” away for a few days as the dog is very sensitive, shy, and needs some gentle handling.

I heard her tell Sara to keep her distance. Immediately Sara came downstairs and as I was letting the dog in the door she was at my screen…seriously…almost pressing against the screen, commenting that the dog was cute…etc. I told her that she was asked to keep her distance and that I would appreciate it if she respected my request. She remained where she was so I closed my interior door which I had hoped to keep open for the breeze.

((( continued as I’m not sure how long I have …))

 

[ktm]

We’re all waiting for the conclusion to this nail-biter…

(Single woman! I would not have guessed. I had you pegged as a guy for some reason… )

Sounds like little Sara is running the show. You need to show her who is boss ASAP. No asking, no “I would appreciate it if…”. You tell her what to do and bedamned the consequences. Would you rather have her and/or her parents annoyed with you, or would you rather risk the child’s getting bitten or knocked over by one of your canines?

 

[JCPhoenix]

(( continued…)

Now, these people are really very nice people and they once saved my derriere when I had a problem with my toilet exploding due to the internal workings giving out causing an overflow. They are good neighbors in a lot of ways and I don’t want to alienate them, but I can’t stand having to constantly put on an nice face and reply when I’ve just gotten off work after dealing with a difficult customer and am in need of quiet time with my dogs…alone. And believe me, when I"m in that mood, I really know it’s best to be alone to deal with the issue and move on.

So a friend came over yesterday, we grilled outside and I was hoping for some space and quiet time with a friend and our dogs, enjoying the summer Sunday afternoon. Well, the Shepherd flipped at another dog so I hauled her furry rear inside and in the meantime, the new Greyhound, frightened by the activity, bolted inside with her. Well the neighbors crowded in and I knew I had to get the Grey out or he would never come out again! I as I coaxed him out of his frozen at the threshold stance, I looked behind me and saw not only the little girl (who has made a point to be noisy and obnoxious in sight of the dog) and her mother standing RIGHT THERE!

I asked them to step out of sight as they were scaring my poor shy dog! I SHOULD NOT HAVE HAD TO ASK!!!

I’m sorry, I know I’m venting, but I really need help here. It’s out of control. I don’t mind kids but I want to be able to sit in my “yard” without being bothered. I would like to live my life without someone else’s boundary-less child commenting on every move I make as if it’s their business! I’m sick of the child coming over every time I grill and asking why I barbecue, what I’m making, why I’m making it and why the dogs should avoid the grill.

How do I handle this? How do I gain some space and privacy without offending the neighbors…after all, I have told the mother my door is open if she needs me, and that is true. I’m happy to help if they need me and I don’t want to offend them. But I have boundaries, I deserve privacy, and I really want to be able to live my live with my bubble around me most people enjoy. I want to have the option of inviting people into my “bubble” instead of having to push them out then they’ve anticipated a welcome they don’t really have.

Does this make sense? Has anyone else suffered such a complete lack of privacy??? Help!

I just want to safely set reasonable boundaries without being a witch!

 

[ktm]

I sympathize, but not empathize, since my neighbors and I are separated by enough land that I never have to see them if I don’t want to. But I have had similar problems with extremely annoying officemates and the weekly kid tutored in my house whose parents won’t leave my blasted house on time. The only thing I have found that works is basically to walk away. “Just on my way out”, “Sorry I can’t talk right now I have to walk the dog”, “Please excuse me I have a lot to get done,” “Oh dear, Sara shouldn’t be over here! She could get bitten very badly!” I hate to say it, but when these people are standing there invading your space, you might just have to excuse yourself from the situation and walk away. They will get the message after a few times. You may think it’s being rude, but these folks are giving you no choice in the matter. As you said, they should have more sense.

 

[JCPhoenix]

ktm:

We’re all waiting for the conclusion to this nail-biter…

(Single woman! I would not have guessed. I had you pegged as a guy for some reason… )

Sounds like little Sara is running the show. You need to show her who is boss ASAP. No asking, no “I would appreciate it if…”. You tell her what to do and bedamned the consequences. Would you rather have her and/or her parents annoyed with you, or would you rather risk the child’s getting bitten or knocked over by one of your canines?

I’m not at all worried about her getting bitten because both dogs are very sweet tempered. Greyhounds in general are very sweet…if I was afraid of them biting her there would be no argument…I’d be as witchy as I’d have to be if it meant tackling her to protect her from a viscious dog.

The problem is the child has no boundaries, and I have a feeling that even if I had a single family home and a fenced yard, she’d be climbing the fence…but in that case I’d have cause to put an end to it. As it is, there’s no fence and although it’s not inherently a bad thing, it’s not a good thing either with non-parenting neighbors!

I do hear Sara get disciplined every so often…but there are never any boundaries set. For example yesterday, when my friend was over and we were chatting, busy grilling…etc…I can tell you my mother would never have let ME approach 2 adult women like that. She would have told me to leave them alone, they were visiting and deserved privacy. Sara could have climbed up on our heads and “mom” wouldn’t have said a word to her!

That’s what makes this difficult…parents aren’t even recognizing that boundaries are being breached!

 

[JCPhoenix]

ktm:

I sympathize, but not empathize, since my neighbors and I are separated by enough land that I never have to see them if I don’t want to. But I have had similar problems with extremely annoying officemates and the weekly kid tutored in my house whose parents won’t leave my blasted house on time. The only thing I have found that works is basically to walk away. “Just on my way out”, “Sorry I can’t talk right now I have to walk the dog”, “Please excuse me I have a lot to get done,” “Oh dear, Sara shouldn’t be over here! She could get bitten very badly!” I hate to say it, but when these people are standing there invading your space, you might just have to excuse yourself from the situation and walk away. They will get the message after a few times. You may think it’s being rude, but these folks are giving you no choice in the matter. As you said, they should have more sense.

Actually, I do sometimes walk away…“gotta run!’ “No time now, Sara, I’m in a hurry”. Oh! Don’t touch the dog, I just put Frontline on her and it’s poisonous!”

But when I want to sit outside my door on a nice day with the Shepherd tied up to her stake and the Greyhound on a blanket next to me, then I can’t say I have to go somewher or I’m in a hurry because clearly it would be a lie. I don’t mind if the parents ask a question or make a comment as they tend to keep their distance and then turn their attention back to what they were doing. That’s not a problem.

I think the little girl is lonely as there aren’t a lot of other kids around but it’s not my responsiblity to keep her busy. I’ve heard the parents reidrect her to different activiteis.

What drives me nuts is that Sara will come over and chat at me or want my attention for something when I"m clearly reading. Before I adopted my Greyhound I did a lot of reading… She was talking at me, so I told her that I really need to read that book and that she needed to find something else to do. I’ve told her that just because I’m outside does not mean I’m feeling social or want to be approached.

I’m stopping just short of saying what I really feel…“GO AWAY!”

And you know, I’m probably experience what I WAS when I was a kid…except that my parents didn’t let me get away with it. I know she knows she’s being annoying…that’s why she does it. But I don’t think her parents “get” that. She brings the cat out because she likes to see my Shepherd react. Mom finally decided to keep the cat inside when the dog is out, but I know for a fact (because I’ve seen it when I was home) that Sara leads the cat in fornt of my livingroom window and makes noise to get the Shepher’s attention. Then the Shepherd proceeds to scratch up the windowpane or whatever furniture is barring her from her view to see the cat.

Sara enjoys this because her world is very egocentric and she doesnt’ care that my home is damaged, my dog could get hurt because she enjoys getting the reaction. I’ve gently confronted her on this and told her my dog could hurt herself because of her actions…and her mother heard me. They’ve been better since.

This child is crafty AND unsupervised…this is not a good combination.

BTW…thanks for letting me vent and putting up with my complaints! ANd I really do need advice here!

 

[ktm]

JCPhoenix:

I’m not at all worried about her getting bitten because both dogs are very sweet tempered. Greyhounds in general are very sweet…if I was afraid of them biting her there would be no argument…I’d be as witchy as I’d have to be if it meant tackling her to protect her from a viscious dog.

I think you missed my meaning.

Premise One: Your pooch has teeth.
Premise Two: Teeth are for biting.
Premise Three: Sara is in proximity to Fido.
Ergo, It is remotely possible that Fido might bite Sara.
Ergo, You can use this as an excuse even though the outcome is unlikely.
Ergo, I just felt like writing “ergo” again because it makes me sound smart.

I know greyhounds are docile. Some friends of mine have one that was retired from racing and would have been exterminated if they hadn’t adopted her.

Really, I think you need to walk away. Even if this means closing the door in the girl’s (and her parents’!) face. If yer out there grilling with your friends, all you need to do is smile at them and TURN YOUR BACK. They will get the message. Stand firm! You are woman, let them hear you roar! ROOARRRR!

---

Hey you crafty devil, you added more material. You mentioned the little girl is egocentric. Then use this to your advantage. You are feeding her brattiness by meeting her on her own terms. She wants you to show her attention (sounds like she’s not getting it at home?). If you ignore her, you will be directly thwarting her attempts.

This is crazy, since when am I an expert on dealing with kids??!! I’m about your age and single as well, so take this all with a grain of salt. OK enough from me, let someone else try. Good luck.

 

[Faithful_2_Rome]

I sympathize…but…

This is the cold hard truth you pay when buying a Townhome…NEIGHBORSTHISCLOSEWITHNOFENCESTO INDICATEBOUNDARIES.

Unless the Association allows or can be petitioned by you to construct a fence…you only have a few choices…assuming you are not allowed to build a fence (some Associations allow and some dont)

1. Emphatically instruct the parents of your wishes and risk them becoming annoyed with you
2. Become more stern with the girl, who seems too dumb even for her age to grasp that you wanna be left alone…or maybe you are being too nice to her and she is too young to pick up on how adults get subtle points across
3. Move and find a Townhome that allows for fences to be built.

 

[JCPhoenix]

ktm:

I think you missed my meaning.

Premise One: Your pooch has teeth.
Premise Two: Teeth are for biting.
Premise Three: Sara is in proximity to Fido.
Ergo, It is remotely possible that Fido might bite Sara.
Ergo, You can use this as an excuse even though the outcome is unlikely.
Ergo, I just felt like writing “ergo” again because it makes me sound smart.

I know greyhounds are docile. Some friends of mine have one that was retired from racing and would have been exterminated if they hadn’t adopted her.

Really, I think you need to walk away. Even if this means closing the door in the girl’s (and her parents’!) face. If yer out there grilling with your friends, all you need to do is smile at them and TURN YOUR BACK. They will get the message. Stand firm! You are woman, let them hear you roar! ROOARRRR!

---

Hey you crafty devil, you added more material. You mentioned the little girl is egocentric. Then use this to your advantage. You are feeding her brattiness by meeting her on her own terms. She wants you to show her attention (sounds like she’s not getting it at home?). If you ignore her, you will be directly thwarting her attempts.

This is crazy, since when am I an expert on dealing with kids??!! I’m about your age and single as well, so take this all with a grain of salt. OK enough from me, let someone else try. Good luck.

Hey now! I didn’t edit anything in! I just responded to posts so what’s there is there…typos and all!

I actually DO turn my back…and she persists! I HAVE been rude in that way, but of course, it’s because I don’t want her to see the blood running out of my mouth from my bitten tongue.

I used to work with troubled kids and manipulative kids…but it was a different environment…and boy, did I earn my “badge” when I worked there. I’m great with teenagers because I basically “raised” them while working in that field. But 8 year olds are more difficult because they want and need to be recognized as people, but aren’t old enough to really understand context. One still has to be direct with them…but due to my experience with troubled teens, my directness is VERY direct and gives what they put out. But it’s too harsh for 8 year olds so I"m just not sure how to deal!

 

[JCPhoenix]

Faithful 2 Rome:

This is the cold hard truth you pay when buying a Townhome…NEIGHBORSTHISCLOSEWITHNOFENCESTO INDICATEBOUNDARIES.

1. Become more stern with the girl, who seems too dumb even for her age to grasp that you wanna be left alone…or maybe you are being too nice to her and she is too young to pick up on how adults get subtle points across
2. Move and find a Townhome that allows for fences to be built.

I knew about this when I bought the home…in theory, anyway. But it’s my first home and I had to buy what I could afford…without a roommate! Wow…left one evil behind, found another!

This girl isn’t too dumb…she’s too smart! She KNOWS that I wish to be left alone. I actually asked another neighbor the other day if I was being unresonable…NOPE.

I’ll move when I can afford to, and if I’m not getting married I hope to at least get a quad townhome or a duplex…those can often have fences. IN any case my next home will have a fence, but since I just purchased, I have no equity so moving is not an option- yet.

 

[ktm]

JCPhoenix:

Hey now! I didn’t edit anything in! I just responded to posts so what’s there is there…typos and all!

I actually DO turn my back…and she persists! I HAVE been rude in that way, but of course, it’s because I don’t want her to see the blood running out of my mouth from my bitten tongue.

I used to work with troubled kids and manipulative kids…but it was a different environment…and boy, did I earn my “badge” when I worked there. I’m great with teenagers because I basically “raised” them while working in that field. But 8 year olds are more difficult because they want and need to be recognized as people, but aren’t old enough to really understand context. One still has to be direct with them…but due to my experience with troubled teens, my directness is VERY direct and gives what they put out. But it’s too harsh for 8 year olds so I"m just not sure how to deal!

Time to get out your official JCPhoenix Patented Brat-SMACKDOWN Stick – Now with Less Padding!

How about a BEWARE OF DOG sign? I guess it’s too late for that since they know your dogs are nice. Or, BEWARE OF WILD VICIOUS ANIMAL sign? Or, LITTLE GIRLS WHO ENTER HERE WILL BE EATEN. Heh, I once worked in a computer repair shop owned by the two weirdest people I have ever known. They had an adopted boy (about 6 years old) who was the second-biggest brat I have ever known. One of the other guys in the shop referred to him as the Anti-Christ. Your story reminds me of him.

Hey I have an idea…rename your dogs to something horrifying, like Jawbreaker, or Limb-render. “Come here, Disembowler!” “Bad dog, bad Lucifer!”

 

[JCPhoenix]

ktm:

Time to get out your official JCPhoenix Patented Brat-SMACKDOWN Stick – Now with Less Padding!

How about a BEWARE OF DOG sign? I guess it’s too late for that since they know your dogs are nice. Or, BEWARE OF WILD VICIOUS ANIMAL sign? Or, LITTLE GIRLS WHO ENTER HERE WILL BE EATEN. Heh, I once worked in a computer repair shop owned by the two weirdest people I have ever known. They had an adopted boy (about 6 years old) who was the second-biggest brat I have ever known. One of the other guys in the shop referred to him as the Anti-Christ. Your story reminds me of him.

Hey I have an idea…rename your dogs to something horrifying, like Jawbreaker, or Limb-render. “Come here, Disembowler!” “Bad dog, bad Lucifer!”

:clapping: :tiphat:

That’s GREAT! Well…one dog’s name means “Wolf” and the other is “Fire”. Hmmm…Fire of Hell and Rabid Werewolf??

Only one problem…one can change the name, but not the reality!

I love the “Patented Brat smack-down Stick” idea! Maybe I should start drooling and growling…and if I thought I could get away with it without dying…not bothering to grill the chicken before I eat it???

Hmmm…

 

[chimakuni]

Oh boy! Headache 1,001!!!

Although you should not have to be the one to set boundaries and redirect Sarah, unless you do, this situation is going to continue, which you are aware of!

If I were in your situation, and I am not, but I am the mother of three sons, 10, 11 and 16 who prayerfully know their boundaries… I would tell Sarah that you are an adult and that as an adult you do not like to have anyone trailing behind you or in front of you or around you when you are having your down time and you are always in your down time when you are at home. If you should want her company - YOU WILL come over and get her

Because she will still come over, I would simply repeat what you have already told her and take her by the hand and march her back to her family.

I would also talk to her parents. Tell them that you need to be alone and that Sarah might get the impression that you did not like her because you will be short with her due to the fact that she has become too familiar with you.

It sounds to me as though Sarah is lonely and looking for a companion to play with. If you are so inclined, perhaps you could take her out for an ice cream or once in a while actually go and get her and sit and talk with her.

Eight year olds can be quite fascinating…but not if you do not want to have them around.

You may even wish to take her for a walk with you from time to time when you walk the dogs. Remember, she is a potential dog walker for you and she will not always be eight years old.

Also - when school starts again, you will have some relief…she will have homework to do!

I know you can be charitable and firm at the same time! God Bless you -

 

[Fortiterinre]

Hi JC, there is something about us St. Mary’s alumni, we have magnetic personalities to neighbor children! I bought the biggest house on my block, which apparently for seven solid years was Neighborhood Kids’ High Command. The previous family even had a swing set in the FRONT yard, which they took with them when they left. (It was a very elaborate period piece in keeping with this old Victorian neighborhood, but it was sturdy and saw A LOT of use.) I was doing a lot of re-landscaping which was trampled daily and I had to be pretty direct with the kids. “Run along” is a nicer version of “Go Away,” and it can even be revved up to “Not Now” with no offense. As it is now my biggest problem is the trash they leave in their yards that drifts into mine. I don’t display pets on command (I have very exotic and popular reptiles) but can be persuaded upon occasion and can also use this as a bargaining chip if things grow tense or if neighborly standards start to fall. Good luck!

 

[Princess_Abby]

All behavior falls into four categories. Attention, Control, Task Avoidance and Sensory. Meaning we do things because we want attention (good or bad) for our actions, we want control over a situation or a person, we want to avoid doing something or because it makes us feel good (or bad), depending on what the desire fufills.

Sara obviously is craving attention and perhaps wants to control you or the situation. A little reverse psychology can be fun but may or may not do the trick. (i.e. “Sara! Come play with me! You’re so fun and I’m so bored!”) If she’s not annoying you, the purpose is defeated and she no longer has control. The sad part is that she may just want to interact with someone and be blissfuly happy at the mere suggestion of time spent with an adult.

If you’re willing to make a sacrifice, you could set aside a specific half-hour time slot, twice a week, in which Sara is specifically welcome outside your home and can play with agreed-upon limits. Break out your trusty timer and have it ding VERY loudly when “time is up, thanks for playing with me, off you go, back home now!”

You would, of course, have to explain to Sara (and let her parents know) that she is ONLY allowed to come over and play, inquire, ask questions to her little heart’s content during these times and ONLY these times. If Sara persists during times that are NOT the agreed upon half hours (which she inevitably will, until you have convinced her that you will not budge) you should have a phrase that you will repeat exactly five times and then remain silent as you resume doing your activities as if she isn’t there. “Sara, today is Tuesday. You are welcome at 6:30pm on Wednesay.” It could be as simple as, “This is not play time. Go home.”

You might also have to tell Sara that she has the possibility of losing her half hour time with you as well. The whole “three strikes and you’re out,” game. Of course, you don’t want to use that as a negative reinforcer until she’s had the opportunity to experience 30 minutes of a nauseatingly exhausting question and answer session. You’d probably need to use a visual (such as a token board, a token earned each time she comes over uninvited, three tokens equaling a loss of the agreed upon half-hour time period spent together).

I’m sure this all sounds like quite the revolting time investment for a little girl that isn’t yours, but it’s HONESTLY quite simple once you get the game down of what you will and will not accept from her. The token system is easy, too…just keep a cardboard strip and three poker tokens with masking tape next to the backdoor, whipping it out as needed.

When you are doing a behavioral intervention such as this, usually what is called an “extinction burst” happens–meaning it gets worse before it suddenly gets better. Sara will take your limits and want to test them, so she will probably come over MORE in the beginning to see just how serious you are about only allowing her an hour per week of unadulterated annoyance. But repeating your phrase five times and then completely, utterly ignoring her will soon lose it’s thrill for her.

Something else I’ve tried before is just the very direct approach. “Sara, I’ve asked you to leave. Why haven’t you?” But, this promotes discussion when you really want to just be left alone.

Have you been direct with the parents? “As much as I would like to have a good relationship with your family, I find Sara (and your)presence on my lawn to be somewhat distracting and intrusive. If we need to, maybe we should talk about limiting our contact to emergency-only basis.”

They’ll be offended but remember, we teach other people how to treat us. If you want privacy, expect it and learn to ask for it.

 

[chimakuni]

I know!!! I know!!! Ask if you can take her to Mass! If they are anti-Catholic, they will keep Sarah locked up and away from you!

 

[Viki59]

Princess_Abby:

I’m sure this all sounds like quite the revolting time investment for a little girl that isn’t yours, but it’s HONESTLY quite simple once you get the game down of what you will and will not accept from her.

I have four kids, and I think Princess Abby’s advice is excellent. Only difference, I would be even more direct.
She’s not your child, but you may be able to make a difference in her life that will bear good fruit forever, especially since her parents seem a little neglectful. For that reason I would consider giving her a half hour once or twice a week, with ice cream treats or cookies – maybe offer to make cookies with her. I would explain this to her parents in advance.
Then when she comes over at any other time, I would say, “This isn’t your time right now. It’ll be fun when you come over later this week, but this is my time alone.” Then I’d take her by the hand – no messing around with subtle messages – take her back home to Mom and say, “I’m looking forward to our time together later in the week, but I can’t visit with Sarah right now.” If she came back half an hour later, I’d do the same thing again and again and again – eventually her mother will get the message. It’s not the child’s fault, she’s just looking for attention. Her mother should provide it most of the time.
Her visits with you may become a highlight of both your week’s (wishful thinking, perhaps.)
God bless.
Vicki

 

[JCPhoenix]

Your advice for devoting time to her is EXCELLENT but there is one issue…I simply don’t have the time. I get home from work at about 7:30 or 8 pm on weeknights and if I see her I just rush by with the dog (now dog(s)) and say I am in a hurry. If I have to pass by her I do let the dogs sniff her and greet as it is good for them as well…but I’m off immediately as this is their “bathroom” time and believe you me…they need to get energy out as well!

I don’t have the time or the schedule to spend time with her during the week and my weekends are sporadic and spent in doing errands. If I’m out in my yard, it is my “true” down time and the ONLY time I have to actually sit down for a few hours and read a book with my devoted canines lying beside me enjoying summer as well. I find that I really need this time; it recharges my “batteries.”

I may be able to ask her to walk with us sometime…but not yet. I would not trust her with my greyhound, not only because he is big and strong, but because he spooks easily and I don’t think she could hold the leash in her little hand. I also don’t trust her. There ARE children that WOULD be fine with the charge to hold the leash no matter what…but she is not one of them. And the other dog is a major “puller”, is unpredictable and freaks out when she sees another dog…it’s not agression, but a temper tantrum. And I KNOW Sara would not be able to hold her.

Once I can maybe get both dogs through some further training I may consider asking her on the occasional walk…and that may be a good idea sooner rather than later so I can have a heart-to heart with her.

I dont’ think she’s a bad child, and I DO think she’s lonely. Her parents aren’t exactly loving toward each other, both are sporadically employed so I’m sure there is a great deal of stress in their home. Maybe she’s attracted to the “image” of peacefulness I seem to exude…I remember being attracted to the same thing. Still am. But it’s hard to feel peaceful when being annoyed…causing me to return to work even more annyoed with annoying people because I haven’t been able to escape!

(My professional life is filled with annoying customers…I find that if I have time to focus on nature, peacefulness, horsback riding, etc…it completely leaves me refreshed. But if not, the Monday customers and those throughout the weeks cause me further stress as I struggle to remain professional yet have a thinner thread to work with.)

I would like to be a good influence in her life, but I do want to be sure to do it appropriately! And I wouldn’t mind bringing her to Church…although I get the impression they are not at all thrilled with Catholicism…one of them grew up Catholic. At least they are Christian, however, and they are very involved with their Church. They ARE good people…I think just a bit off track.

• sigh * There’s really no easy answer, is there? :ehh:

 

[nobody]

Hi JCP!

Don’t know if you’re still reading this thread, but I’ll reply anyway.

I do agree with the past advice of scheduling a little bit of time with her each week - like 15 minutes on saturday going to DQ. And the 3 strikes idea is good, too.

I just have one new suggestion - to ask her to scoop the poop in the back yard when she comes over.

nobody

 

[BLB_Oregon]

JCPhoenix:

I’m not at all worried about her getting bitten because both dogs are very sweet tempered.

My husband works in an emergency department and says that every dog bite he has ever had a part in treating was from a sweet family dog that never hurt anyone. A child without any appreciation of personal boundaries is a child in danger of being bitten by any dog she gets near.

The sad fact is that if your dog bites her, the girl will not be the one blamed, at least not legally. You will, and your dog will. You may be sued, you may lose your homeowner’s insurance… you get the picture. Tell the child that it is your responsibility to keep her safe and that she will have to abide by your rules, particularly concerning the dogs, or you will have to ask her to leave. Then do it.

And while we’re at it, it is not impolite to explain your rules and tell her that she has to follow them or she won’t be welcome at your house. You are also entitled to a “I appreciate your help with the toilet but…” talk with your neighbors.

Most people would not ask you to tolerate what you’ve been tolerating, even if it came from immediate family. Polite society allows you to set boundaries and enforce them. It only requires that you do so politely. “I’m sorry, but I need some time alone” and “Sara, I need you to stop looking at me through my windows” are requests that demand to be followed and do not need explanation… although “Because I am not a goldfish” would probably suffice.