In Need of Some Advice, Tough Situation at Work

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chloebelle

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I’m sorry this is so long! I’ll have to post it in two parts because I went over the character limit.

I am in college studying elementary education. I’ve always loved children and been good with them. I’ve volunteered as a kindergarten aide, worked direct care for children with special needs, did a year long internship teaching preschool, and just a few months ago it seemed I’d received a HUGE blessing. I’d been offered a job as an assistant teacher at a daycare that had ages infants-1st grade. I told them my favorite age group to work with was preschool and the boss happily obliged.

Most often, I am in either the preschool room or the early preschool room which is children a bit younger. I was so excited when I began working there because everyone seemed so kind and welcoming, and had such a tight bond with one another. I’m not really making many friends, but I think this is mainly because I am so much younger than the majority of my coworkers. They are almost all middle aged, married women who have known each other for 10+ years. There are a few girls there my age, but they work with different age groups and I rarely see them. This was sort of disappointing, but I assured myself that it would come in due time.
 
However, the real issue I am having is with the lead teacher in one of the rooms. She has worked there for several years and is very good at her job. She’s recognized by the company with awards often. There is some tension between us. I feel as though she is always nitpicking my work and thinks I am incompetent. For example, one day she was clearly overwhelmed, telling the children to clean up. They were putting their puzzles away but were having trouble matching the right pieces to the right set because they had multiple out. I decided to help them sort which pieces went to which puzzle so they were able to clean up easier. She began yelling in 3rd person about how Miss Chloebelle shouldn’t be picking up the toys, but I could tell she was directing it at me, rather than the children. We have to spray the children’s cots with a bleach water solution after nap time, and she tells me that the motion with which I spray them is wrong. This is not a company policy, just her preference. Once, I was serving the children snack, and poured water into their Dixie cups. She became very angry, saying I’d given them way too much water (half a Dixie cup?) and took every drink I had poured, dumped it out, and replaced it with like a centimeter of water. The next day after this, she apologized and said she just wasn’t feeling well and she was sorry if she came off as rude. I told her I understood and tried to put it past me. However, it just continues. Everything I do, from how I open the door, to how I pass out napkins, to how I cut paper is somehow wrong. No matter how hard I try to remember everything she’s told me and stick to it, the next day she comes to me with some issue. This has made me feel intimidated around her. I know that I am capable of doing my job, but now whenever we work together I sort of quietly shuffle behind her and am afraid to do anything unless she tells me so, which I’m sure adds to her perception that I am incompetent. I bounce from room to room, and after the lead teachers go home I am in charge of their class. Once, I was in charge of an older class of children and she just came in and took over, imposing all her own rules and disregarding everything I’d told the children, as if she was saving the day. Recently, a student in her class who is potty trained has been having accidents almost every time I’m in the room, despite my best efforts. The parents are getting soiled underwear from me each day and I wanted to make sure they knew that I was putting her on the potty and trying to remedy the situation. This made the lead teacher upset with me and she gave me a stern talking to about how this was the wrong thing to do and I should’ve let her handle it instead even though she was not present in the room and how it isn’t an issue if it only happens to me, not her.
 
her.

I am not a person who can’t take constructive criticism, and at first I assumed that’s what this was and tried to just brush it off, grow thicker skin, and learn something because after all, I am new. However, the longer it goes on, the more uncomfortable I become, and it has gotten to the point where I dread going to work and am anxious over it. My stomach is in knots before I walk in each day and I breathe a sigh of relief when I find out I’m assigned to another room. I have tried to discreetly see if other coworkers feel the same way, but the most I’ve heard is that “X likes things done a very particular way.” I can’t tell my bosses because I don’t think anyone has had issue with her before, and I don’t want them to think I’m being overly sensitive or dramatic. I also don’t want my bosses to talk to her because then the tension will only increase. I have thought about returning to my old job, but the schedule and pay are so much better here. I am sorry this was so long, but I needed to get it off my chest in a neutral environment. What do you think I should do? Am I being too sensitive?
 
I have taught school for 12 years. And have been in those situation’s.
So let me welcome you to life in the career education game.
Where nothing is what you would like it to be. Everyday.
Evaluation of every situation is tough.
Every teacher has their style. and you are finding it hard to read each situation.
Learning how to read people. Can be fun or stressful.
 
Personally I would set up a meeting with your boss and the teacher and diplomatically hash it out.

It doesn’t matter if anyone has had issues with her before the key point us you are having issues now.

One thing I would bring up, again diplomatically, is her dressing you down in front of the students. That is just plain unprofessional. It also undercuts your leadership role with the students.

On a side note you may be seen as a threat to the older teachers, and that sort of thing happens.
 
One thing I would bring up, again diplomatically, is her dressing you down in front of the students. That is just plain unprofessional. It also undercuts your leadership role with the students.

I am noting this part of Milt’s comments, because I agree with this, and this stood out to me, too.

I agree with Milt’s post.

She should not be undermining you in front of the students.

It’s a real shame when unfortunate situations like that occur. ☹️
 
Can you set up a time to talk to her (or if it’s easier, write her a letter) expressing your difficulties with her in a kind way?
I have found that it can be really hard to talk to someone, but writing out my concerns, etc. and putting the note/letter in a person’s mailbox or office, etc., helps me and helps open up the situation and a good dialog.
Oh, and don’t forget to pray before doing so 😉

Sr. Christina Marie, OSF

 
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