In Need of Some Relationship Advice

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IndecisiveGirl

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I recently met a guy who goes to the same college as I do and we have gone out on a number of dates over the past two months almost. The thing is, I am hesitating on whether I should continue to pursue a relationship with him. I haven’t yet mentioned this explicitly to him yet, but when I told my close friends, they told me to give it some more time first.

This guy is an amazingly Catholic man living out his faith which is somewhat uncommon for me to see and he definitely likes me, but I’m not sure whether I like him. Logically, it makes complete sense for me to like him and to want this relationship to blossom which I feel is very realistic. However, I haven’t really felt any strong feelings of longing or “chemistry” towards him if that makes sense.

I’m confused as to how to handle this situation. I feel like I should be honest with how I feel (or how I’m lacking to feel really) to not keep giving him false hope. But I also don’t know if I’m just over-thinking this. I’ve been praying, but still feel confused as to how I should handle this.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and God bless.
 
IndecisiveGirl said:
I recently met a guy who goes to the same college as I do and we have gone out on a number of dates over the past two months almost. The thing is, I am hesitating on whether I should continue to pursue a relationship with him. I haven’t yet mentioned this explicitly to him yet, but when I told my close friends, they told me to give it some more time first.

This guy is an amazingly Catholic man living out his faith which is somewhat uncommon for me to see and he definitely likes me, but I’m not sure whether I like him. Logically, it makes complete sense for me to like him and to want this relationship to blossom which I feel is very realistic. However, I haven’t really felt any strong feelings of longing or “chemistry” towards him if that makes sense.

I’m confused as to how to handle this situation. I feel like I should be honest with how I feel (or how I’m lacking to feel really) to not keep giving him false hope. But I also don’t know if I’m just over-thinking this. I’ve been praying, but still feel confused as to how I should handle this.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and God bless.
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Dating is a discernment process to see whether or not you would like to pursue a relationship with a particular person. If he wants to commit to you long-term, then you might want to examine whether or not you’ve been able to develop a romantic connection.

You’re still in the “getting to know” each other stage, so I wouldn’t stress about it too much. Oftentimes, the more you get to know a guy, the more attractive you find him. I’ve experienced that a few times. Don’t write him off quite yet, but don’t commit to a long-term relationship if you feel absolutely no attraction toward him.
 
Two months? Meh. :pshaw:

Give it WAY more time.
And be careful relying on “feelings”. They can mislead even the sharpest people.
 
I have a different opinion. If 2 months and “a number of dates” in you don’t feel that attraction spark, do you both a favor and move on before either of you invests too much. You’ll never be more excited about him than you are at this point, and that’s not good.

I agree that attraction can build, but if it isn’t there at this point, it just won’t be. 2 months and you’re probably approaching exclusive - don’t do that if you aren’t really into him, it’s a great way for both of you to waste time and get hurt.
 
I’d give it a little more time to see if you develop any connection with him. As you get to know him more your feelings could change.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
I have a different opinion. If 2 months and “a number of dates” in you don’t feel that attraction spark, do you both a favor and move on before either of you invests too much. You’ll never be more excited about him than you are at this point, and that’s not good.

I agree that attraction can build, but if it isn’t there at this point, it just won’t be. 2 months and you’re probably approaching exclusive - don’t do that if you aren’t really into him, it’s a great way for both of you to waste time and get hurt.
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I agree. It’s one thing to be friends with someone for a long time and then switch to dating. But I think in 2 months of dating in person, if it isn’t there now, it probably isn’t going to ever happen.

No need to hurt his feelings telling him there is no chemistry, just make yourself less available.
 
I would prefer women to just tell me flat-out there’s no chemistry. It is simpler. Many men appreciate that.

It looks like you’re getting conflicting opinions here. People marry for varying reasons and have different standards for their potential spouse. I think you have to decide for your self obviously. Would you both be able to continue the relationship comfortably just as friends? I like to have female friends.

If I was not attracted to someone after 2 months the chances that it would change in the future are very unlikely as far as I can tell, but that is just me.

I believe women often think they are saving a man’s feelings by not telling them things flat out. Although I cannot speak for all men, I prefer very direct communication. Makes things much simpler.
 
Funny. If she had said that she had dated for 2 months and wanted to get engaged, everyone would tell her to slam on the brakes.
I’m assuming she has not been on 60 dates.

That’s not enough. Especially for shy people.
What’s wrong with being friends anyway? Date a guy a few times and kick him to the curb because “you’re not feelin it?”
Wow, that’s harsh.
 
pianistclare said:
Funny. If she had said that she had dated for 2 months and wanted to get engaged, everyone would tell her to slam on the brakes.
I’m assuming she has not been on 60 dates.

That’s not enough. Especially for shy people.
What’s wrong with being friends anyway? Date a guy a few times and kick him to the curb because “you’re not feelin it?”
Wow, that’s harsh.
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yeah, take it from a shy person, I hardly even feel like I’m friends with someone after two months, let alone dating

anyways, you don’t have to go on dates if you don’t want to, but just relax, be friends, has he even mentioned anything about commitment yet? odds are, he’s trying to figure this all out too
 
pianistclare said:
Funny. If she had said that she had dated for 2 months and wanted to get engaged, everyone would tell her to slam on the brakes.
I’m assuming she has not been on 60 dates.

That’s not enough. Especially for shy people.
What’s wrong with being friends anyway? Date a guy a few times and kick him to the curb because “you’re not feelin it?”
Wow, that’s harsh.
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Yes, long-term compatibility takes longer than two months to determine. But this is about sexual/romantic attraction. If the butterflies aren’t there by now, there’s no reason to think they’ll show up. It isn’t harsh to stop seeing someone or avoid a relationship with them because you aren’t attracted to them. Marriage is a sexual relationship. Marrying someone in the absence of that is a recipe for heartache.

What would be harsh is letting this go on for 3, 4, 5, or 6 months and then telling him that it isn’t working and there’s no chemistry. If someone felt that way about me, I would want to know early so I could find someone who did feel a spark. Why waste the poor guy’s time or risk his feelings getting involved?
 
Irishmom2 said:
No need to hurt his feelings telling him there is no chemistry, just make yourself less available.
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See, I disagree with people who take this tactic (especially when you have been dating). I don’t want to be a mind reader and I don’t want to have to hear you’re dating someone else through the grapevine. Just talk to me! No need to be blunt or harsh with details, but just be up front and say “I think of you as a friend, not a bf/gf.”
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Yes, long-term compatibility takes longer than two months to determine. But this is about sexual/romantic attraction. If the butterflies aren’t there by now, there’s no reason to think they’ll show up. It isn’t harsh to stop seeing someone or avoid a relationship with them because you aren’t attracted to them. Marriage is a sexual relationship. Marrying someone in the absence of that is a recipe for heartache.

What would be harsh is letting this go on for 3, 4, 5, or 6 months and then telling him that it isn’t working and there’s no chemistry. If someone felt that way about me, I would want to know early so I could find someone who did feel a spark. Why waste the poor guy’s time or risk his feelings getting involved?
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I agree with this wholeheartedly. Getting serious with someone you are not attracted to makes no sense.

Mary.
 
He has mentioned about telling people we are dating for a couple of weeks now. At the end of a date he’ll ask if we should start telling people and I’ve been saying we should wait for a little bit longer. And he’s been respecting that.

I feel something towards him, and he makes me happy, I just don’t think I’m currently feeling the attraction part that a relationship should have where you get butterflies when you’re around the other person.

He’s a senior and I’m a junior and I know that marriage is definitely on his mind, especially as many of our friends are getting engaged or married themselves. Marriage is on my mind as well, just not so early like this. I know he likes me a lot and wants to make this official and I don’t know if those feelings will develop for me towards him or not.

Thank you for the responses!
 
MaryT777 said:
I agree with this wholeheartedly. Getting serious with someone you are not attracted to makes no sense.

Mary.
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Who said they were getting serious? I don’t think the OP has said anything like that.
Her screen name kind of says it all. 🤷
 
pianistclare said:
Funny. If she had said that she had dated for 2 months and wanted to get engaged, everyone would tell her to slam on the brakes.
I’m assuming she has not been on 60 dates.

That’s not enough. Especially for shy people.
What’s wrong with being friends anyway? Date a guy a few times and kick him to the curb because “you’re not feelin it?”
Wow, that’s harsh.
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2 months isn’t an appropriate amount of time to make that leap, no, but it would be a good indicator that you should stay the course with that one lol

I think history is important. Memories made are what is going to create that feeling of butterflies every time they walk in the room. They aren’t necessarily going to be there in the very beginning, and if you are thinking marriage, chemistry can develop over time.
 
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