In search of estranged family member

[meli_ann]

Hi all,

I am in need of some information. My family and I have been estranged from my father for more than 10 years now. My dad walked out on us in a moment of desperation when I was in college. He and my mom were having problems, he lost his job, college and other bills were piling up, so he just walked out. There was some communication with him a year after he left between he and my other family members, but I have not talked to him in 10 years.

I was very bitter about his leaving because I used to be daddy’s little girl and I took it extra hard when he left. I never thought I would be able to find it in my heart to forgive him, but by the grace of God, I found the forgiveness.

I want more then anything to have my dad back in my life and I want to start a new relationship with him. The only problem is no one knows where he is, or even if he’s still alive. I have an old phone number that no longer works, an old address that he no longer lives at, his SS# and DOB. I’ve done loads of searches online, but have not been able to find anything to help me.

Does anyone tips have some inexpensive/free (darn economy got me laid off) places to search for an estranged loved one?

Your helps is greatly appreciated!

God Bless,

Meli

 

[Rascalking]

Meli,

You may not have exhausted the internet the way you think you have.

Try to think about his relatives-mother? father? Deceased? Alive? Brothers or sisters? Other children?

Plug their names into searches, do a little research on them. Go to the vital records statistics base in your state.

Those are just a start.

Good luck.

Tim

PS-I am adopted, and I found my birth mother in 06. I know how hard it can be to be a seeker.

 

[meli_ann]

Rascalking,

Thanks for the tip, but of all only he and his sister are left in the family. My mom and I have remained in touch with my aunt and cousins and he has had no contact them. It’s sad because he literally has no other family outside of my brothers and mom and I.

How did you end up finding your mom? Was it a good experience? Part of me is scared to even try to contact my dad for fear that he may reject me, again. I tried writing to him and begged him to please contact me when I knew where he lived, but he never did. I have felt betrayed over and over by him.

 

[Ruthie]

Intelius is a legitimate business that will help you. Not expensive. I think it cost me about $20 to find my ex-husband, whom I hadn’t seen in more than 20 years, for my annulment. The first part of the search is free, and gives you a list of relatives, which is usually enough info to decide if you want to pay them. My ex has a pretty common name, too.

I just did the free search for myself under my maiden name, which is a pretty common one, and found myself, out of about 70 of “me” in my state. The list shortened to two when I added my middle initial.

Go for it!

God bless you,

Ruthie

 

[srlucado]

Which search engines have you tried?

Zabasearch?
Whitepages.com?

I’ve had pretty good luck with them, and they’re free.

If you’re googling, don’t forget to search last name first, too; I found out that I had money in a bank in Wisconsin by doing this on my own name. (Doesn’t everyone google themselves now and then to see what’s out there?)

 

[Rascalking]

Rascalking,

Thanks for the tip, but of all only he and his sister are left in the family. My mom and I have remained in touch with my aunt and cousins and he has had no contact them. It’s sad because he literally has no other family outside of my brothers and mom and I.

How did you end up finding your mom? Was it a good experience? Part of me is scared to even try to contact my dad for fear that he may reject me, again. I tried writing to him and begged him to please contact me when I knew where he lived, but he never did. I have felt betrayed over and over by him.

I am so sorry about his lack of a family. That must be a hardship. What does he have for interests-does anyone in that family know if he has any skills? What does he do for a job? Perhaps he is a very good mechanic or plumber or lawyer…that might be another good idea to look into.

I ended up finding my mom by plugging the name of her sister into google. It pulled up an obituary for my biological maternal great grandmother. It listed all her descendants, and I called my maternal grandmother (got her name from information) and it went from there.

As for if it was/is a good experience, that debateable. My biological mother is a deeply troubled person, as are several other people in my bilogical family. I strongly wish that I met them only once and then never again, instead of trying to pursue deeper releationships with them. My bio mother and I seldomly talk, but we are talking more as of late.

Be careful of what you wish for-might be a very old cliche, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.

If you want to talk more, just let mne know.