Increasingly Discouraged

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Nick003

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I’m trying very hard. I want very much to live my life in a way that the Lord will smile upon. But I am very lonely and want a woman in my life as my family isn’t close and has very much gone their separate ways.

The only way that I see to not be alone for the rest of my life is to find some companionship. But I would rather be alone than throw away my salvation by entering into a relationship with a woman who is ineligible.

Those of you that have been here for some time probably know me and read some of my posts. It is hard at my age to find someone who is eligible as a spouse. I feel that I am on the verge of throwing away my principals and am posting for support.

Thanks

Nick
 
Throwing away your principles can never bring you ultimately to happiness.

Be patient. Wait on God.

Also, be prudent. Take practical steps to try and obtain what you desire in a virtuous manner. If you come against a brick wall, consider it as a sign, perhaps, from God.

There are so many good Catholic dating sites. I believe you need to exhaust those. There are legitimate and prudent ways to search for a Godly spouse.

Trust that God knows better than you do. And don’t be bull-headed. 😛

Our Lady is the first and last gal you should have in your life. Do you pray the rosary?? Pray at least one decade each day if not a whole rosary. Give it a one week experiment at least. She is your best ally!!!

God Bless.
 
Nick003 said:
I’m trying very hard. I want very much to live my life in a way that the Lord will smile upon. But I am very lonely and want a woman in my life as my family isn’t close and has very much gone their separate ways.

The only way that I see to not be alone for the rest of my life is to find some companionship. But I would rather be alone than throw away my salvation by entering into a relationship with a woman who is ineligible.

Those of you that have been here for some time probably know me and read some of my posts. It is hard at my age to find someone who is eligible as a spouse. I feel that I am on the verge of throwing away my principals and am posting for support.

Thanks

Nick
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God answers us in His time; not in our’s. Pray for God’s will to be.
 
Sometimes God asks great sacrifices of us, but He in turn gives us joy and tranquility of spirit. Don’t throw away what you’ve got; it is pure gold. Being a celibate with limited ability to be outside due to heart disease, sometimes I get lonely too. Two days ago, for instance, I felt alone. However, I study theology, the Bible and apologetics. I also try to do what I can from home to make other people’s lives better.

If you would have told me this would be my life, say, twenty years ago, I don’t think I would have believed it since I was always partying. However. remember Jesus said, “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light,” in Matthew 11:30.

Please continue to carry your cross and follow Christ. Maybe you can volunteer at church and meet some people, if you haven’t done so already.

You’re in my prayers.
 
Are there any volunteer groups you may be interested in, in your parish? If that appeals to you it can be a way of meeting people who are selfless and wanting to live the Christian life.

Also, prayer groups or bible studies? They can very much enhance our spiritual lives and bring us closer to the Lord.
 
Might I suggest online dating? Since, in the present age, there are fewer good Catholics to go around, you may have to cast your net wider/farther to find one. I found mine through CatholicMatch about a year and a half ago, and we are now planning our wedding; she is truly a blessing.
 
Dear Nick, I have seen many good endorsements for Catholic Match .com The following is from Fr.Pavone. You could probably trust this site if you wanted to give it a try. Best Wishes to You and I will keep you in prayer! God bless.

Rev. Frank Pavone
Founder, Priests for Life

“In Christian marriage, one’s spouse is one’s “Number Two” while the only “Number One” is God. CatholicMatch.com is laying the groundwork so that in loving God, future spouses may find the only way to adequately love each other.”
 
Nick003 said:
I’m trying very hard. I want very much to live my life in a way that the Lord will smile upon. But I am very lonely and want a woman in my life as my family isn’t close and has very much gone their separate ways.

The only way that I see to not be alone for the rest of my life is to find some companionship. But I would rather be alone than throw away my salvation by entering into a relationship with a woman who is ineligible.

Those of you that have been here for some time probably know me and read some of my posts. It is hard at my age to find someone who is eligible as a spouse. I feel that I am on the verge of throwing away my principals and am posting for support.

Thanks

Nick
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Hi Nick,
I’ve seen the posts talking about CatholicMatch.com and think that might be a good suggestion. I’d also like you to consider being single as a vocation. I’ve met a handful of people in the Catholic Church (not clergy or from religious orders) that have chose to remain single. They are great people and fully engaged with the Church. I will pray that God will give you understanding of His Plan for you. God Bless you.
 
I would second a lot of the advice you’ve gotten already… especially to join the various groups in your church. Whether or not you find your perfect love match, you will meet people and hopefully make some friends. I’ve learned that a few good, faith filled friends are extremely important for the good times and especially the bad. I’m carrying a cross right now, and have been amazed by the many friends who have taken a turn at helping me to carry it.

A lot of satisfaction can come from living the way God calls you to live, and that is different for each person. If you feel like you are called to be married, then keep your eyes open, and perhaps sign up for an online dating service if you’re comfortable with that. I understand your desire for a mate that matches your faith life; this is a value that I also hold. There are women out there who are either single or are divorced with annulment, so don’t be too discouraged. I think that you would regret compromising your values for a wife, difficult as that may be. I think that this sort of decision would actually destroy a relationship over time; something similar contributed to the demise of my marriage.

I’ll pray for you that the right person comes along!!
 
You’re putting so much pressure on yourself. I’m sorry you’re lonely. It is very tough to meet someone who shares your values.

My only thought is to concentrate on strengthening your friendships to ease your loneliness and keep yourself busy. Trust that God has a plan for you.

I had nearly given up and thought I would never marry when I met my spouse.

God bless and stay strong.

(formerly known as “lutheran farmer”)
 
Nick003 said:
I’m trying very hard. I want very much to live my life in a way that the Lord will smile upon. But I am very lonely and want a woman in my life as my family isn’t close and has very much gone their separate ways.

The only way that I see to not be alone for the rest of my life is to find some companionship. But I would rather be alone than throw away my salvation by entering into a relationship with a woman who is ineligible.

Those of you that have been here for some time probably know me and read some of my posts. It is hard at my age to find someone who is eligible as a spouse. I feel that I am on the verge of throwing away my principals and am posting for support.

Thanks

Nick
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How old are you?

And what exactly would “throwing away my principles” mean?

And what exactly characterizes “a woman who is ineligible?” Are your eligibility requirements realistic? I am a woman, and I am quite curious to know what you are holding out for.

Are you talking about whether or not she is a virgin? In the U.S., over half of young people have sex while they are teenagers. I’ve heard even higher statistics from secular sources; some sources claim that 90% of people have sex while they are teenagers. At any rate, virginity in the United States among younger people is sadly, quite rare, and if that is part of your “eligibility requirements,” you may be thinking unrealistically. Besides, it’s not a sin to marry a woman who is not a virgin (and it’s also not a sin for a woman to marry a man who is not a virgin).

If you are an older man, then it is even more unrealistic to expect to marry a virgin.

Please forgive me if virginity isn’t the issue. Again, would you please elaborate on what your “eligibility list” includes? Thanks.
 
All the men in the Bible were rewarded when they were faithful to their work.

Jacob loved Rachel and worked 14 years, faithfully serving Laban. He was rewarded for his work with the woman he loved.

David was tending the flocks in the middle of the night while his brothers were in the tent with Samuel hoping to be anointed king. Samuel did not choose anyone in the tent but chose the man who was faithfully doing what he was supposed to do at that moment.

Peter and Andrew were fishing when the Lord chose them. James and John were mending the nets when Jesus chose them. Even Levi the tax collector was sitting at the tax booth, doing his job when Jesus chose him.

All were faithful to the little things which were placed in front of them at the present moment. That’s when God chooses people for great things. Get up on time. Exercise. Pray. Work hard. Be nice to everyone. Pay attention to the small things in life, the things God has put in front of you now. That’s when God will call.

-Tim-
 
TimothyH said:
All the men in the Bible were rewarded when they were faithful to their work.

Jacob loved Rachel and worked 14 years, faithfully serving Laban. He was rewarded for his work with the woman he loved.

David was tending the flocks in the middle of the night while his brothers were in the tent with Samuel hoping to be anointed king. Samuel did not choose anyone in the tent but chose the man who was faithfully doing what he was supposed to do at that moment.

Peter and Andrew were fishing when the Lord chose them. James and John were mending the nets when Jesus chose them. Even Levi the tax collector was sitting at the tax booth, doing his job when Jesus chose him.

All were faithful to the little things which were placed in front of them at the present moment. That’s when God chooses people for great things. Get up on time. Exercise. Pray. Work hard. Be nice to everyone. Pay attention to the small things in life, the things God has put in front of you now. That’s when God will call.

-Tim-
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As a woman, I would add something to this list: Speak up and ask women out.

So often, a “good” woman who is trying to be a lady waits in vain for a nice man to actually ask her out. She doesn’t feel that it is right or modest to “flirt” or “hint around,” and she waits patiently.

Meanwhile, the man is so wrapped up in himself and his inadequacies and his many fears about being rejected, and he is, amazingly, expecting the perfect woman to drop into his path and make everything beautiful for him, and he doesn’t even notice that a woman (or more than one woman) is sitting right next to him at church or in his gardening club or whatever.

So OP, ASK! Speak up! It doesn’t have to be a big date–just ask her to meet you for coffee. Talk to her and see if the two of you have anything in common that would be a good basis for a long-term relationship, even marriage.

I’m not sure what to advise about asking co-workers out. That’s a really sticky situation. I know of several couples in my workplace who were co-workers who started dating. Also, if work is where you spend most of your time, it makes sense that it’s a good place to meet women. But in some workplaces, dating between co-workers can get you fired. So be careful.
 
Cat said:
How old are you?

And what exactly would “throwing away my principles” mean?

Throwing away my principles = An eligible woman is one who is single (never married), annulled or widowed. The trouble with Catholic Match (and I was a member for some time) is that women who are divorced consider themselves single. They are NOT in my view. Oh, sure, they are single civilly, but without an annulment, they are still married in the eyes of the Church.

And what exactly characterizes “a woman who is ineligible?” Are your eligibility requirements realistic? I am a woman, and I am quite curious to know what you are holding out for.

I am holding out for a woman who is Single (never married) , Annulled or widowed.

Are you talking about whether or not she is a virgin? In the U.S., over half of young people have sex while they are teenagers. I’ve heard even higher statistics from secular sources; some sources claim that 90% of people have sex while they are teenagers. At any rate, virginity in the United States among younger people is sadly, quite rare, and if that is part of your “eligibility requirements,” you may be thinking unrealistically. Besides, it’s not a sin to marry a woman who is not a virgin (and it’s also not a sin for a woman to marry a man who is not a virgin).
  • She does not have to be nor do I expect a virgin. In fact, at my age (48) I would expect that anyone I did meet wouldn’t be. -
If you are an older man, then it is even more unrealistic to expect to marry a virgin.

Please forgive me if virginity isn’t the issue. Again, would you please elaborate on what your “eligibility list” includes? Thanks.
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Eligibility List: Single (never married), Annulled, Widowed.
 
Thank you for clarifying. Yes, I think your eligibility requirements are realistic and appropriate for a faithful Catholic man.

I’m a 57-year old married woman, and my suggestion is to be alert wherever you go and speak up when you see a woman who seems like a possibility. So many women are waiting for a decent man like you! 🙂 If you are doing something that you enjoy (e.g., attending a concert, sitting in the park reading a book, eating at a certain restaurant, attending a lecture, etc.), it makes sense that women who are there also enjoy that activity, and that’s a good place to start.

Also, ask your trusted friends to introduce you to women who seem like they might be a good match for you. Make sure that they know you are looking for women who have never been married, who have had marriages annulled, or who are widows.

I’ve never had any experience with online dating/meeting. My daughter tried it, and found that the men who were matched with her were too dull. So my apologies, I can’t help you out there.

Best wishes to you and Godspeed. I’m glad you are looking, and I hope that eventually you will meet that lovely woman who can be a helpmate and companion to you.
 
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