Indecisive about vocation

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roseofmary

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Hi Everyone-

I have wanted to be a nun, in particular a Carmelite nun, ever since I was about 9, and I’m now 15. Lately though, I’m feeling that I may be called to marry. I have this very powerful feeling that I want to be loved and to love, and whenever I think of being a cloistered nun and haveing to give up those things I’m filled with dread. My mom and I are making a novena to decide my vocation, but I wanted to see if you could help me, if you can. Is this a temptation or is it really a calling?
 
roseofmary said:
Hi Everyone-

I have wanted to be a nun, in particular a Carmelite nun, ever since I was about 9, and I’m now 15. Lately though, I’m feeling that I may be called to marry. I have this very powerful feeling that I want to be loved and to love, and whenever I think of being a cloistered nun and haveing to give up those things I’m filled with dread. My mom and I are making a novena to decide my vocation, but I wanted to see if you could help me, if you can. Is this a temptation or is it really a calling?
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As one who has gone that route already, it will never hurt you to see if your vocation is to the sisterhood. You are only 15. That very powerful feeling you are having about love and marriage is something very normal. If after high school you still are thinking along the lines of a vocation to be a nun, seek it out with a vocation director from the Carmelites. You will know whether or not the lifestyle is right for you or not.In the meantime, continue to pray for discernment, especially from the Blessed Mother.
 
It’s awesome that at your stage in life you are considering something so serious! I am guessing that you are in the early part of high school, so you definitely have lots of time to examine your options.

It would be good to examine some of the reasons you want to be a nun and write them down for later. Compare them with the reasons you want to be married. You might find a lot of commonalities. The lives of nuns and wives take sacrifice. They both mean being loved and being loving. They will both require emotional and spiritual intimacy to work. They both require trust, honesty, and commitment. They both get romanticized. They both point to God’s plan for humankind.

Is it a temptation or a calling? Nobody on this forum can tell you that. To decide if a calling is authentic, you will really need to think specifics when that situation arrives (This congregation of nuns? This man?). If it comes to making such a choice you might honestly find that you could fit equally well in either situation - you could find yourself equally “called” to either life.

The dangerous temptation, then, is not weighing one holy lifestyle against another; it is leaving God out of the process altogether. It is VERY easy to get caught up in the excitement of the possibility of a vocation/spouse. It is much harder to always keep God first; the same God who may be calling you to religious, married, or permanent single life will ALWAYS call for you to be eternally united with him. In short - pray!
 
At this stage, it’s hard to tell what your vocation might be. But everyone is different. God has a different plan for each of us.

And some of that might just be them dratted hormones I keep hearing about…😉

See you 'round!
 
I think I should be discerning right now, while I’m 15, instead of waiting until I am older. I don’t think it’s ever too early to decide what God is calling you to be.

Is it possible that I could be called to both marriage and the religious life? If I am, should I just pick and choose??
 
roseofmary said:
I think I should be discerning right now, while I’m 15, instead of waiting until I am older. I don’t think it’s ever too early to decide what God is calling you to be.

Is it possible that I could be called to both marriage and the religious life? If I am, should I just pick and choose??
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True, true…🤷

Are you talking about some form of lay ministry?
 
lay ministry means volunteering as a lay person. I was going to suggest something similar, you have a wonderful opportunity to start to do some of the things you would do as a Carmelite sister as a lay volunteer! One of the best ways to aid your discernment is to get involved with ministries, as a volunteer - help the poor, work as a volunteer at a hospital, etc. These types of activities will help your discernment, God will help you through these types of activities!

If you do this, you will either find an even stronger pull toward consecrated life, or not. Good luck and God bless you!
 
roseofmary said:
what do you mean by that?
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I’m not sure, actually:p

I guess you should think about what it is that is attracting you to religious life, then what is drawing you toward married life. Try to find where they intersect:shrug:
 
That is a very good idea! 🙂
But then if I became a nun I feel that I would have to be cloistered, because I get distracted easily, so I don’t know how that would work out. But I will try, and pray.
 
The problem is that religious life and married life are both so different, but I feel attracted to both of them.
 
But what you all gave me was very good advice, and it has helped me out alot. Thank you. 🙂
 
You could join a thing called a lay order. A lay order is when you take the vows of the order, but still live in the outside world and can be married. You could still go to mass every day and live by the Carmelite law. And you could also have lots of children and teach them to serve God too. So it would be the best of both worlds. Good luck!
 
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