Indian Christian marrying a Indian Hindu

[indianguy]

Hello all,
i need some advice. I am an Indian Christian (Syrian Christian/Marthoma) who is currently engaged to an Indian Hindu girl. We would like to get married in the church, but the church is saying that my fiance must convert in order for us to marry in the church. I have never forced my fiance nor will i ever force her to convert. My parents on the other hand want her to convert so we can have a church wedding. I am really facing a dilemma right now, and I have no idea where I can find a Syro-Malabar church that will marry us and understand where we are coming from. Any advice is appreciated.

 

[Roguish]

What’s your fiance’s own feeling on the matter? You don’t state it explicitly, but it seems you’re implying that she herself is not interested in converting. In my opinion, that is a respectable decision, so in that sense I’m on your (and her) side. I’m also glad you say you do not want to “force” her into a conversion.

However, I think you must also accept the consequences of her choice not to convert (if that is her choice). If she is not willing to join your religion, you need to think carefully about what that means for your future family life if the two of you do get married. A mixed-faith marriage can be full of difficulties if both sides continue to practice their own religion. You’d be going to church without her. She’d be going to the mandir without you. She’ll be doing puja in your home. Perhaps that’s okay with you, but what about when you have your parents over? And what about your children? Mixed-faith marriages tend to leave children uninitiated in either religion, and therefore without direction, so they tend to end up disinterested, agnostic.

I wish I had an easier or happier answer for you than the above, but I don’t. Good luck, God bless.

 

[indianguy]

Thanks for your response.
Actually my fiance is willing to participate in all christian related activities, and she’s allowed to come to our church (she just wont be a member of the church) since she isn’t christian. it’s really my parents whom are pressuring her to convert and it’s creating animosity between her and them. I’m trying to make my parents understand that they cannot force her to do something she doesn’t want to. They are more concerned about what people in our community will think and our church people. It’s frustrating.

 

[Lou2U]

Well, she definitely doesn’t have to convert - and she shouldn’t unless she becomes sincerely convinced that Christianity is true.

I think this may cause a time of difficulty for the relationship between you and your parents. They may never come to accept your fiancee’s faith - are you able to take what will come with that? Will your fiancee be able to cope with it? What happens when you have children - will your parents speak badly of her faith to them, and undermine it?

I’m sorry this is so hard for you. But your approach is the right one, not your parents’.

 

[Roguish]

Thanks for your response.
Actually my fiance is willing to participate in all christian related activities, and she’s allowed to come to our church (she just wont be a member of the church) since she isn’t christian. it’s really my parents whom are pressuring her to convert and it’s creating animosity between her and them. I’m trying to make my parents understand that they cannot force her to do something she doesn’t want to. They are more concerned about what people in our community will think and our church people. It’s frustrating.

Hi again. I think you parents are mostly concerned for the quality of your family life. You answered that your fiance is willing to participate in Christian activities as a non-Christian, but surely you understand that that will be awkward? She won’t be able to go to confession or communion, or participate in an active Church life, nor will she be familiar with the rites, prayers, songs, commity, etc., if she does not convert. And as I mentioned before, it’s going to get even more awkward when you have children.

People from the West are more likely to encourage you to just go ahead with a love-marriage, and hope for the best. But as you know very well, things aren’t that simple in India. I recommend you take your parents’ views into account, because you’ll really need their support to make your marriage work.