Infertility & marriage- validity question

  • Thread starter Thread starter La-Petite-Fleur
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La-Petite-Fleur

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I’ve been married almost ten years, and I still haven’t conceived. The doctors say pregnancy MIGHT be possible, but it will be more challenging because of cycle irregularities interrupting ovulation. I tried clomid, but it made me too sick to continue after the first pill. For the irregularity I do take provera- but I don’t know that it helps with ovulation. Anyway, there have been no fertility tests to see if I actually am infertile. I would only endure fertility tests if they were minor (blood tests, ultrasound, etc). However, I will not put myself through painful or harsh fertility tests in order to become pregnant, and will rely on God instead. That being said, my question is: is my marriage valid since I am (1) possibly infertile, (2) only willing to have minor tests performed, and (3)not wanting to adopt?

If anyone has an answer, I’d love to know… I’m still new to the site and I’m trying to get a feel for the rules, so pardon me if I posted this in the wong place. Thanks 🙂
 
Since as far as you know you could bare children your marriage is valid at least on that ground.

Have you tried Natural Family Planning (NFP)? If you haven’t, you charting could actually point out what is causing your imbalances so you can fix it maybe even naturally. My wife needs to wear a sleeping mask because light in the room when she is sleeping throws off her cycles. The mask fixed it.

I know this may sound silly, but you could find out with NFP you were simply having sex on the wrong days. I know of couples that spent huge amounts $$$ on fertility drugs to try to get pregnant, and after starting NFP got pregnant on their first try.

Hope that helps!
 
I do not thing your ability or inability to have/conceive children makes your marriage invalid. Through no fault of your own has this occured and you are very willing to have children. Maybe God has other plans for you? Maybe he thinks this is the wrong time for you.

I went through a horrible miscarry several years ago, after the anquish had disolved, I realized that it was probably a “wake up” call from God. I was going through some changes that were not for the better, nothing illeagal or of the sort. I was allowing some newly aquired “friends” to subtilly change my perspective and attitude on things, it was tearring me apart emotionally. After I suffered the miscarry, I realise what was going on, and began to surround myself with people who made me feel good about myself. A few months later, when I was back to my positive cheery self, I became prego with #2. Some may say the two were not related, but I beleive they were.

Pray about it. Ask God to give you some clarity on the situation, only it might take awhile for it to happen. But back to the main question, I am not an apologist, but I do not think this would invalidate your marriage.
 
As an infertile couple, I have wondered this very thing in the past. It seems much about Catholic marriage centers around having children, NFP, etc.

However, after some research, I have discovered that as long as you are OPEN to the possibility of having children(i.e not birth control, sterilization), then you have a valid marriage. We have adopted children. You can share yourself in other ways too. You could be foster parents, teach catechism, volunteer at local schools, help older people, etc. God calls us to share our generosity with others, even if we don’t have children:) .

If you haven’t tried NFP, I agree with above posters to try it. We have always used NFP, and we knew within 6 months of marriage that we were having infertility problems. When I went to the doctor, I had months of charting already completed, and didn’t have to waste time doing that. We were able to adopt at a much younger age than others due to the fact that our problem was discovered so early.
 
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La-Petite-Fleur:
That being said, my question is: is my marriage valid since I am (1) possibly infertile, (2) only willing to have minor tests performed, and (3)not wanting to adopt?
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None of the above would make your marriage invalid. Even if medical tests prove conclusively that you are infertile, that still would not make your marriage invalid.

The Catholic Church does not require that childless couples adopt. Thus, your not wanting to adopt is not sinful, much less grounds for marriage invalidity.
 
Thanks to all for responding. I didn’t think infertility invalidated marriage, but I just wanted to be sure. …I am only somewhat familliar with NFP. I admit I don’t know much about it. I didn’t know that it went so in depth. I also didn’t know that the light in the room can throw off a cycle. I know things cooked in plastic containers can. I’m very sensitive to things… dosages of medicine, chemicals, stress, etc. So maybe NFP could help me find something that is bothering my cycle. I think parishes have NFP information, so perhaps I could ask my parish if there are any NFP doctors, etc that I could speak with. Thanks to everyone again for all your help :).
 
Infertility does not make a marriage invalid. And there is no requirement that you be open to adoption, or that you must undergo fertility treatment. Only hat you be open to the possibility of conceiving new life. Whether or not that happens is up to God.
 
Also check your local Catholic hospital. We have one in our town and they have loads of info on NFP, as well as seminars and other classes.

Good luck to you.
 
Here is a link for more information on NFP:

tcnfp.org/

This one is based in the Twin Cities (Mpls and St. Paul in MN), but there is a bunch of good information on it. My sister-in-law is a nurse and also teaches classes. She is a wonderful young lady and extremely knowledgable. Feel free to send me an email or private message and I can pass along your email address to her. She is always willing to answer questions 🙂
 
Hi There,
I too went through the provera and clomid for a kinda similiar reason. After a micarriage and a twin pregnancy where I lost one of my twins, my cycle got really nuts so my doctors put me on them. I was trying to get pregnant but my doctors thought that a multiple birth would be psychologically good for me too. Anyway, long story… I was taking the drugs and not getting pregnant until I started taking a basil temp everyday. I was assuming that I was like a normal person and ovulated at a normal time, but I wasn’t. Ovulation in me was occuring a couple of days later than normal. Once I figured that out I got pregnant the next month. I would look into NFP and basil temps as indicators for ovulation.
 
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