Infertility Question

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BioCatholic

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The church accepts a marriage even if one or both persons are naturally infertile, correct?

my college roomate is getting married, and his finacee was in the military for about 6 years. During her time, she developed endometriosis, and the bungling military Docs let it go too long, and as a result of their negligence, she had to have a hysterectomy.

now i know my friend, and he has never in his life ever wanted children, period. He has even mentioned the fact that he is completely OK with her not being able to have children.

now i know he will never be able to adopt, having bailed him out of jail more than once for drinking and fighting. he has since then grown up and done extremely well in real estate, but the state isnt gonna give him any kids, i’m fairly sure.

WHAT I THINK: probably one of the reasons he decided to settle down was the fact this girl could not have children. he never ever has to worry about becoming a father. i could be wrong, but if i know him, he’s saying somewhere in the back of his mind he will never have the responsibility of kids.

now my question is, is it against church teaching for a person to marry an infertile person [as one of many reasons] to avoid having children? i mean, if the infertility is natural\medical and no contraception is used, cant the couple just accept the fact they cant have kids?

i mean, can it be considered a “benefit” that the other cant have kids if they themselves dont want any?

or is sidestepping the church teaching by marrying an infertile woman breaking the “spirit” of the law, instead of the letter?
 
well the wedding is in a catholic church, and they did their pre-cana on campus where we went to undergrad with the campus ministry.

im sure the preist asked if they were “open” to children, and he probably said “yes” because he knows 100% that she cant have any.
 
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BioCatholic:
well the wedding is in a catholic church, and they did their pre-cana on campus where we went to undergrad with the campus ministry.

im sure the preist asked if they were “open” to children, and he probably said “yes” because he knows 100% that she cant have any.
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Why don’t you ask him what the priest said?
 
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BioCatholic:
well the wedding is in a catholic church, and they did their pre-cana on campus where we went to undergrad with the campus ministry.

im sure the preist asked if they were “open” to children, and he probably said “yes” because he knows 100% that she cant have any.
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um… can you read minds?

better yet – can you **read hearts ** and intents in the confessional like Padre Pio did?

ewtn.com/padrepio/priest/Confessor.htm

😦 :o
 
i lived with this guy for 3 1/2 years. i know him very well.

and as far as what the preist said?

thats not the issue. my question is regarding how would the church look upon including the fact that a woman cant have children into your logic for deciding to marry? we all have reasons for marriage.

we love each other
we work\play well together
we have the same values
we share many interests, ect ect

NOW INCLUDE:

…she cant have children, and since i dont want any, its even better

that last reasoning, does that break any church teaching, or is it just accepting and enjoying the fact of what has happened?
 
I think the Church would just admonish the couple in saying that their attitude towards children is off the mark.

The day may very well come when 5 years into the marriage one spouse or the other changes their opinion. Now they are stuck with each other. One is stuck with an infertile spouse, the other is stuck with an ineligible-for-adoption spouse.

And he used to think:
…she cant have children, and since i dont want any, its even better
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now he understands that it’s even worse. But the Church will come back and say, yep, and you married her for “better” and for “worse”, stick it out.

And possibly they’ll go on the bubbly way, fulfilling each other’s fantasies, and die happy.
 
Maybe it just means they are that more compatible since she can’t have children and he doesn’t want any? I mean surely he’s not marrying this woman for that reason alone. I would expect it from someone who is 18 or 19 years old (to marry for a shallow reason), but for a grown man who is successful and has his head on straight, its doubtful. Maybe minding your own business is best? (not to be rude).
 
I can’t recall the Church teaching (though I’ve read it before) on marrying someone who is infertile, but I can say based on the information given that I think the marriage may be in trouble if he is not open to life.

Sexually, according to our faith, must be unitive and procreative. Otherwise sex becomes recreational and can be a source of trials, rather than blessing, for the couple.

It happens not infrequently that a person who the doctors deemed infertile is poof all of a sudden much more fertile than anybody knew! If this were to occur, and she were to get pregnant, this couple could be in for a time of conflict and heartache, where they ought to be experiencing joy and thanksgiving.

We must always be open to life.
 
according to canon law being infertile or unable to conceive does not prevent Catholics from contracting a valid marriage, however, impotenence, the inability to perform the marriage act, is an impediment in natural law.

more disturbing is the second guessing of this person’s motives and state of his soul, which has no place in a Christian discussion group.

if you wish to add to the many existing threads here on “being open to life” in marriage, then it would be better to pose this as a hypothetical situation, rather than talking about specific individuals.
 
I would think that his attitude towards children may pose a problem in their marriage. But I don’t know them, so I will comment generally.

If one spouse enters the marriage with an anti-child attitude, then what does that say about his view on sex? If it is not for making babies, what is it for?

If one spouse enters the marriage infertile, what will she think of a spouse who thinks that this is a benefit to him (if it is a sorrow to her)?

I would recommend you give them the book “Good news About Sex and Marriage” by Christopher West as a pre-wedding present. It may help them both to see sex in a different way.

I don’t know what the Church would say about this situation, but that is my view.

Malia
 
Feanaro's Wife:
If one spouse enters the marriage with an anti-child attitude, then what does that say about his view on sex? If it is not for making babies, what is it for?
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I’m sure I’m disagreeing with the Church on this issue, but isn’t sex supposed to also bring a man and his wife together, a certain union if you will? Isn’t sex supposed to be enjoyed? I can’t have children due to the removal of my ovaries and fallopian tubes when I was 17 years old due to ovarian cysts. Since I can’t conceive am I not supposed to have sex?!? What about the people who don’t conceive everytime they have sex?? Do they feel bad afterward, like they have sinned or something??

Yes, sex is for having children, but I think its also for a lot more than that. Fire away at me all you want.
 
isn’t sex supposed to also bring a man and his wife together, a certain union if you will? Isn’t sex supposed to be enjoyed?
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This is very true. But if the husband is only willing to have sex with his wife because he is sure she can’t have children, then his motives are selfish and this will keep both of them from enjoying their sex life. I’m not saying this is the situation here. I’m just saying that being open to life allows one to give themselves completely to their spouse and thus receive the full experience of sex as God intended it to be.
 
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Lorrie:
I’m sure I’m disagreeing with the Church on this issue, but isn’t sex supposed to also bring a man and his wife together, a certain union if you will? Isn’t sex supposed to be enjoyed?

Actually, you are right in line with Church teachings. Sex is unitive, procreative, and pleasurable.

I can’t have children due to the removal of my ovaries and fallopian tubes when I was 17 years old due to ovarian cysts. Since I can’t conceive am I not supposed to have sex?!?

Of course not!!! The issue is with people who deliberately, and for selfish reasons, frustrate the natural procreative nature of sex.

You are infertile through no fault of your own and you can definitely still enjoy the unity and pleasure derived from sex.

What about the people who don’t conceive everytime they have sex?? Do they feel bad afterward, like they have sinned or something??

Speaking for myself…no.

Nowhere is it stated that God expects each and every sexual act to result in a conception, only that we be open to the possibilty of new life.

Yes, sex is for having children, but I think its also for a lot more than that. Fire away at me all you want.

No firing here.🙂

If you haven’t already, I highly suggest reading Christopher West’s “The Good News About Sex and Marriage”. It really helped to clear up these issues in my own life. I think you will find it very helpful.

Malia
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While you may suspect, you really don’t know the intent of your friend. He may change his mind later. If he has lied to the priest, that’s his sin. The priest can only assume your friend is being honest.

If I remember correctly, Elizabeth was considered barren until God stepped in and gave us John the Baptist. Sarah was quite elderly when God stepped in and gave us Issac. So the couple may be barren now, but God has His ways of changing that…more likely by opening the couples hearts to adoption rather than a miraculous cure, but anything is possible.

The best you can do is pray for your friend. If he comes right and tells you that he’s trying to pull a fast one on the Catholic Church…remind him that he might be fooling the priest, but God knows the truth.
 
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