Infidelity, Unforgiving heart, pornography

[The_Bucket]

Well at least someone agrees with me. You need to let him deal with hiss major problems on his own. You can’t jeopardize your or your children’s safety. Leave, take the kids and go somewhere safe. He can make all the threats about custody he wants but Whitacre Girl is right; the law cares much more about physical abuse than it does about infidelity and rightfully so. I’m not saying your actions were to be condoned, they’re not, but his are much, much worse in the eyes of the law and frankly in the eyes of God since you’re both guilty of infidelity, but he has the added weight of physical and emotional abuse on his soul.

Go. When you’re at a safe distance, tell him to call a priest and a psychologist and that you’re filing for formal separation or divorce as a way to protect yourself. Leave the door unlocked for reconciliation if you think that’s best, but tell him the door is closed right now and it is his decision by his actions over the next year to either get to a point where you can open that door or lock it.

Honestly, the guy should feel lucky that A) you haven’t called the cops yet and B) that I’m not friends with you and your family and lived in close proximity to you because he would not like the external consequences he’d get from me when I found out about this situation.

 

[piejesu]

While others have offered good, solid and practical advice, please do not neglect the spiritual dimension of your dilemma. You and your family are under attack, and it is not flesh and blood that you are up against. All the temporal stuff that is going on is just that…temporal. I’m not saying it is of no consequence, it is, and you must deal with that also. However, first and foremost you must take this whole mess to the Lord in prayer and give it to Him, lock stock and barrel. Storm the gates of heaven. Seek the intercession of Our Lady. Find a Saint that you can relate to, find several, and beg their intercession on your behalf. Load up on the sacraments and sacramentals. Start blessing your children daily and with Holy Water if possible. Attend daily mass if possible, but not to the neglect of your basic family responsibilities…emphasis on basic, that means don’t late the perceived immensity of your problem keep you away from God’s grace. Remember always as the psalmist so powerfully states…“When the enemy comes in like a flood, The Spirit of the LORD will lift up a standard against him.” Isaiah 59:19

You are in my prayers.

 

[horselvr]

“He said that he will fight for their custody because he has grounds (pertaining to my infidelity).”

Oh my, not only is this guy a creep, he is also a comedian!

The court won’t give one hoot about your infidelity. However, they might just take a look at the fact that he is a perv, hits you, keeps porn in the house, yata yata.

Please hang onto your dignity and quit trying to engage him in conversation. He does not want to converse with you because he doesn’t care. You will make this alot easier on yourself if you accept facts and start spending your energy on your plans for the future. You do realize that you do have a future that more than likely will be quite good away from him and that abusive life. Life is what you make it. You can stay where you are and live a life of hell OR you can decide today that you and your children will have a good decent and much happier life away from him. There really is no other choice is there?

So, I’m guessing that right about now you are talking to your Priest. A better life is waiting for you and the kids. Go after it.

 

[ConfusedAsEver]

Maybe I have missed the part where he is actually good to his family.

I mean, he is good to my in-laws (his family). His advice is actually sought in their family matters.

There are a lot of good advice here. Tried to do those which I think, at this moment, I can. Went to a priest two days ago after attending the Friday mass. This priest is not really someone whom i really know but I still sought his view. I did not actually confess my sins but i only shared my problem, in the same way that I shared it with you. I cannot put myself into the sacrament of reconciliation yet because i know from deep within, that i am still confused. though, right now, i am still processing and trying very hard not to get involved with the other man. There is, i have to admit, a deep emotional investment. i am regaining my self-control over the matter with the Lord’s help.

Got home at around 8 in the evening, daughter had already called me on the phone, asked where i had been. my husband, during dinner, asked me where i came from, i said i attended mass – didn’t tell him that i talked to a priest. he nodded his head but with an “unbelieving” look. I know he suspected something but i just shrug it off, i know i did not do something wrong this time.

The priest said that i maintain a “status quo”. told me to pray harder because he knows that i know the answer from within. Today, since 2 days ago, i did not start up any conversation with my husband. I just read horselvr’s latest post about this, and it makes me feel better that i am taking the better option of not talking to him. I attended the Sunday mass alone.

Hopes of going to Retrouvaille which is less than 2 wks from now are now fading. It is sad to think that our daughter will be having her First Communion in the coming weeks and yet, her parents are in an unstable relationship.

I forgot to mention in my post, that we still live with my father. So if there is somebody who should leave, it is not me and the kids but him, ALONE. That is why he said that he will be taking the kids with him. I am confident that if this goes to court, i will win the battle.

 

[kage_ar]

Schedule an appointment to sit down, in private and talk to the Priest. He cannot give a real counseling session while standing in public after Mass.

Call the office Monday morning and say “I need to make a private appt with Fr so and so”.

 

[ConfusedAsEver]

This recent problem i have has caused a lot of stress on me. Going home everyday from work literally causes me to have headaches. Good thing, the kids are there to let me temporarily set aside the heavy feeling.

It has been a month from his “confirmation” of the affair and i know he is still very mad. I hurt him but our situation also hurts me. Now, I am not sure if his recent indifference to me is his way of expressing his anger or his way of getting back at me. But I do feel psychologically abused. Can’t even open this up to him because i am sure, right now, he feels he is the one aggrieved here.

I regret the time that i had not insisted with having a dialogue with him when I sensed that he was not happy anymore with our marriage. that was about 3 or 4 years ago. but i remember, he shut me out when i opened the topic. maybe i should learned that art of communicating, but then i recall, i wasn’t harsh at all.

 

[Susie55]

Leave now. Your husband is emotionally abusive. He is hurting you and your children. I have been in your position; it does not get better it only gets worse. Find a good counselor from Catholic Family Services and get some support. Look into a support group called Beginning Experience. (By the way I myself got divorced and got an annulment ).

 

[horselvr]

Didn’t you state in a PM that you are still carrying on this affair?