D
Deltadeliquent
Guest
Background:
I have a friend that is recently married for the second time. She moved from a foreign country to the UK to marry after a three year long distance relationship. She has two independent children that are doing well for themselves.
The man she married also has two grown children, one with a university education. They are constantly being given money, staying at their dads house, getting their credit cards paid off by dad. These kids are in their mid to very late twenties.
Groom has paid for little to nothing in terms of the new marriage. The brides residual debt in the foreign country has been paid by the bride, and now that she is out of money, she has to borrow money from her family members…including her children. Groom is wanting bride to even pay for her own groceries. Groom is constantly complaining about money, even though he has a good job and makes over twice the average wage in the UK. He has a large amount in savings, but denies it. We know this through his best friend, and bank account statements.
He also had an inheritance from his mother recently, which he claims is gone, but no one can understand where it went. And he cannot explain where it has gone. He has made a will giving everything to the kids, with his new bride receiving nothing.
Bride is trying to get a job, but being a middle aged woman, the backlash against foreigners, and the need for a couple of courses to enhance her language skills have hindered finding employment. She left a well paying, highly skilled job in her own country. She is socially isolated and broke after 1.5 years of using her savings to fund her existence in a new country. Groom is not paying for anything other than a few groceries and complains about that. She does all the housework and cooking. She has no car, no computer or printer on which to write a resume or apply for jobs. She has very few tools to work with. She is not eligible for any social benefits.
She understands that they both need to be contributing to the expenses. She is not trying to be a kept woman. But she is facing difficulties in the UK and has given up a lot, including a nice pension in her own country to be with this man. I would expect all monies to be pooled and bills paid by this mutual pool. I wouldn’t expect a married couple to have totally separate financial lives. And I would expect the spouse with the job to take up the slack until both are working. She expected the same. He refuses. He is insisting she even pay for most of her own food!
Needless to say, they are in the edge of breaking up. This was not a sham marriage, I watched the entire courtship and marriage. They both were totally besotted and everyone thought they had a great chance of making it. But once the bride moved, everything changed. His attitude did a complete reversal and is centered around money. They both state that want to work it out, but he will not move one inch…she is very close to going home because at this point she cant work in the UK, and she has to eat…if they split, she will have to leave as the government will insist. Who’s paying for the ticket, we have no idea…
Groom’s excuse for not paying her way is that he wants to keep as much money aside in order to give his kids an inheritance. Bride and groom live in the marital home of the groom, even to the extent of sleeping in the same bed, mattress as he did with his first wife!
This need of his to give even more to his children after his death is going to destroy his present life, not to mention his brides life.
My question:
with no religious connotation, can someone give me a good, rational, money orientated reason why the groom should be using his money to fund his new life and get his brides life restarted, rather than keeping it locked away for his bratty children who think they deserve it.
I honestly believe that if dad could get over his belief about an inheritance for his kids, they might be able to work this out since this is the one reason he keeps giving for his stinginess. Of we could demolish this, maybe he would see the error of his ways and they could reset the relationship.
Wow! Reading this over, it is a very sad story…
I have a friend that is recently married for the second time. She moved from a foreign country to the UK to marry after a three year long distance relationship. She has two independent children that are doing well for themselves.
The man she married also has two grown children, one with a university education. They are constantly being given money, staying at their dads house, getting their credit cards paid off by dad. These kids are in their mid to very late twenties.
Groom has paid for little to nothing in terms of the new marriage. The brides residual debt in the foreign country has been paid by the bride, and now that she is out of money, she has to borrow money from her family members…including her children. Groom is wanting bride to even pay for her own groceries. Groom is constantly complaining about money, even though he has a good job and makes over twice the average wage in the UK. He has a large amount in savings, but denies it. We know this through his best friend, and bank account statements.
He also had an inheritance from his mother recently, which he claims is gone, but no one can understand where it went. And he cannot explain where it has gone. He has made a will giving everything to the kids, with his new bride receiving nothing.
Bride is trying to get a job, but being a middle aged woman, the backlash against foreigners, and the need for a couple of courses to enhance her language skills have hindered finding employment. She left a well paying, highly skilled job in her own country. She is socially isolated and broke after 1.5 years of using her savings to fund her existence in a new country. Groom is not paying for anything other than a few groceries and complains about that. She does all the housework and cooking. She has no car, no computer or printer on which to write a resume or apply for jobs. She has very few tools to work with. She is not eligible for any social benefits.
She understands that they both need to be contributing to the expenses. She is not trying to be a kept woman. But she is facing difficulties in the UK and has given up a lot, including a nice pension in her own country to be with this man. I would expect all monies to be pooled and bills paid by this mutual pool. I wouldn’t expect a married couple to have totally separate financial lives. And I would expect the spouse with the job to take up the slack until both are working. She expected the same. He refuses. He is insisting she even pay for most of her own food!
Needless to say, they are in the edge of breaking up. This was not a sham marriage, I watched the entire courtship and marriage. They both were totally besotted and everyone thought they had a great chance of making it. But once the bride moved, everything changed. His attitude did a complete reversal and is centered around money. They both state that want to work it out, but he will not move one inch…she is very close to going home because at this point she cant work in the UK, and she has to eat…if they split, she will have to leave as the government will insist. Who’s paying for the ticket, we have no idea…
Groom’s excuse for not paying her way is that he wants to keep as much money aside in order to give his kids an inheritance. Bride and groom live in the marital home of the groom, even to the extent of sleeping in the same bed, mattress as he did with his first wife!
This need of his to give even more to his children after his death is going to destroy his present life, not to mention his brides life.
My question:
with no religious connotation, can someone give me a good, rational, money orientated reason why the groom should be using his money to fund his new life and get his brides life restarted, rather than keeping it locked away for his bratty children who think they deserve it.
I honestly believe that if dad could get over his belief about an inheritance for his kids, they might be able to work this out since this is the one reason he keeps giving for his stinginess. Of we could demolish this, maybe he would see the error of his ways and they could reset the relationship.
Wow! Reading this over, it is a very sad story…