Instant Messaging for Your Teens and/or Pre-teens

[Journeyman]

If you have teens or pre-teens----

Do they use instant messaging such as AIM?

Do you restrict the amount of time they can use IM?

Is the PC they use for IM located in a “public” area of the house as opposed to their bedrooms?

Do you monitor their on-line activity using monitoring software? If so, what software? Is the use of monitoring software a violation of the child’s privacy?

 

[kmktexas]

Wow this is a timely discussion. I have just started allowing my two boys to use IM. The oldest is 10.

They don’t have their own IDs, they use mine.
They only IM relatives (aunts, uncles, cousins).
The PC is in the study and I am usually there with them. The little one is 7 so sometimes he talks and I type.

For IM purposes, as I said, they use my ID. They each have a log in for the computer since it is easier to keep their games seperate that way. The antivirus software I use has a privacy function that lets me set the security level for each login and allows me to go back and see all the web sites they have been to, if needed. (It’s McAfee)

We are currently on assignment in Venezuela and getting ready to go home. They are already exchanging emails with school friends here so they can keep in touch. In Texas, the computer is in a main location. My husband and I agreed that they will not ever be allowed TV or PCs in their rooms.

As for privacy, for a minor child living at home, the “right” to privacy covers personal modesty and that’s about it. I don’t think that children or teens have any “right” to keep secrets or engage in clandestine activities, even good ones. My son keeps a journal which he wants to be secret. He understands that “secret” means that his brother can’t read it but not that his parents can’t read it. Same thing for the internet and PC.

The flip side is my neices who IM their friends constantly. When we are at thier house, we only see them at the dinner table. The rest of the time, they are IMing. It has become the new “grounding” punishment for their family - to lose IM privaleges.

 

[SDA2RC]

Journeyman:

If you have teens or pre-teens----
Do they use instant messaging such as AIM?
Do you restrict the amount of time they can use IM?
Is the PC they use for IM located in a “public” area of the house as opposed to their bedrooms?
Do you monitor their on-line activity using monitoring software? If so, what software? Is the use of monitoring software a violation of the child’s privacy?

Journeyman,
I do not have teens, but would like to contribute my experience and opinion. I work at a VERY large Online Company. I am a Network Administrator in a call center that has about 600-800 employee’s that take calls from members needing help etc. I have worked here for 7 years and in my time here I have assisted the FBI, local police, NSA, and various non-local police departments in their investigations into predators, fraud, etc…etc…

I believe strongly that IM’s are a very valuable tool, but can also be very dangerous. The perceived ability to remain anonymous is often an inhibition killer. That being said, OFTEN people represent themselves as someone they are not, often to teens/preteens.

I would allow my children to use AIM or other clients with some caveats:

1. By using parental controls through various ISP’s like AOL, MSN etc. I will control who can be talked to.
2. I would use a tool like AOL Gaurdian to receive a report on the online activity of a teen/preteen. This includes who e-mails were sent to, who was contacted via IM, what chat rooms were entered, and where the user went on the internet. (there are options that only give the names of those contacted, e-mailed, etc… not the contents of the messages).
3. If you choose not to use timers, set limits and boundry’s that are very clear about the use of the internet… including appropirate behavior and moderation.

In my opinion, the need to protect our children on the internet over rides their need for privacy. I believe strongly that all activity on the internet by minor should be completely transparent to their parents/gaurdians and publicly done in a family place.

Brandon

 

[Timidity]

Journeyman:

Do they use instant messaging such as AIM?

Yes

Journeyman:

Do you restrict the amount of time they can use IM?

Yes.

Journeyman:

Is the PC they use for IM located in a “public” area of the house as opposed to their bedrooms?

Public area. There is a private computer in the bedroom, but it’s intentionally off the network.

Journeyman:

Do you monitor their on-line activity using monitoring software? If so, what software?

I use hardware–eyeballs. I frequently read over the child’s shoulder and open each window to do read 'em all.

Journeyman:

Is the use of monitoring software a violation of the child’s privacy?

No such thing. Privacy is the freedom from unauthorized intrusion. As the parent, I’m the one who determines what’s authorized and not.

 

[puzzleannie]

dear parents, you may think you have established rules and controls over how your teens are using their cells, pods, computers and whatevery electronic devices you have seen fit to provide them with, but I am here to testify they are doing exactly what they want anyhow, your parental controls are useless unless rooted in strong, consistent discipline which began in their toddler years.

Even if your teen is so fortunate to have such good caring parents, he will still go thru a period of rule-breaking and experimentation and response to peer pressure, tho perhaps more mildly than most kids.

Just operate on the assumption that your kids have access to anything that is on the net, or in cyberworld, and access to anything their friends have found as well.

I may as well warn you, if your kid ends up in my CCD program, use of the cell phone or IM during class will result in immediate suspension, they have had 3 warnings, and you will be called to come pick up your kid and his plug-ins

 

[maryprayforme]

We have all the controls mentioned. I read everything. The older 2 have a cell that is to be used to call me or my husband only! I get the bill and I know. One thing I have learned to pray for as a parent is to work on my attitude and disposition. I am pretty frank with our kids - not graphic but frank. We have talks about what goes on in thier classes and with friends and I pray that I am “approachable” and charitable in my correction of them. This doesn’t mean they don’t get punished. My older 2 are not my biological kids. Their mother is a drug addict and sociopath. They have witnessed first hand the effect of bad choices and continue to experience pain from their early childhood. And my response to, “But*** I ***would never do that! Don’t you trust me.” I tell them that I remember being 11 (or 13), and it is hard! There are no TVs, telephones, or computers allowed in their bedrooms. The computer is in a public place.

 

[buffalo]

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[Adam_Costanzo]

If you have teens or pre-teens----

I’m a teen (a mature one)

Do they use instant messaging such as AIM?

Yep. I have AIM, Yahoo, and MSN.

Do you restrict the amount of time they can use IM?

Unfortunately, no. I do spend a little too much time on the computer. However, if I had a time restriction, I wouldn’t be able to talk to my friends in Europe.

Is the PC they use for IM located in a “public” area of the house as opposed to their bedrooms?

I have an office. It’s quite private.

Do you monitor their on-line activity using monitoring software? If so, what software? Is the use of monitoring software a violation of the child’s privacy?

My dad trusts me, he does check up on me from time to time, but no blocking software. I’ve thought of installing blocking software myself, though, after unfortunately coming across several images I wish I hadn’t seen. But for monitoring purposes, you have a temporary internet folder that stores all files downloaded from the internet (websites, pictures, etc.). As long as your kids don’t know about that (and thus where they can delete evidence), then you don’t need monitoring software.

 

[Mac6yver]

It is amazing the differences in parenting I see here. Reading your kids journals, no phones or TVs in their rooms. Only allowed to call parents on their cell phone. These things seem very strict to me. Of course I am not saying that you can not raise your children anyway you see fit, but some of the things mentioned in this thread are hard core.

 

[glow8worm]

I am 20. I have used yahoo messenger, ichat, msn, and aol for the past 5 years!!! I love them! But it is very easy to run into things that are not what you want to see, even if you arent looking for bad things. In my house the computer with the internet is in our loft, which is a very central place in our home. If there are computers in private bedrooms they are not connected to the internet. We have a password for my younger brothers and sisters so they have to get an adult to ‘unlock’ the computer if they want to use the internet. Be careful with your kids. Monitor them carefully, they could end up getting into things that could be harmful to their souls!

 

[La_Chiara]

Mac6yver:

It is amazing the differences in parenting I see here. Reading your kids journals, no phones or TVs in their rooms. Only allowed to call parents on their cell phone. These things seem very strict to me. Of course I am not saying that you can not raise your children anyway you see fit, but some of the things mentioned in this thread are hard core.

Yep. Good, solid, God-fearing, conservative, Catholic parenting and darn proud of it! The results are worth it.

 

[darwindidntknow]

I am 16, so I thought I would answer these…

Do they use instant messaging such as AIM?
I have AIM and Yahoo but really only use AIM

Do you restrict the amount of time they can use IM?
Nope…I am allowed to use it whenever I want. It is on 24/7 and I just put away messages up when I am out. I use it a lot because I hate to use the phone and it is easier to IM someone. My mom and I even IM each other so she doesn’t have to walk upstairs and talk to me and vice versa.

Is the PC they use for IM located in a “public” area of the house as opposed to their bedrooms?
Nope. Mine is in my bedroom. We all have our own computers/laptops. My little 9 year old sister has her computer in her room too.

Do you monitor their on-line activity using monitoring software?
No, they don’t because they trust me and know I am responsible enough. I can take care of the software stuff so I am on my own. they don’t monitor any of my sisters either.

-Devyn

 

[opticks]

Bad news for some of you parents…

Judging from the replies, I would guess that most of you are responsible computer users with up-to-date AV software and updates. You’ve taken all reasonable steps to secure your PC and prevent your kids from viewing questionable material. Good on you.

If you have geeky kids though, beware of Linux. All of your efforts will be worthless if they “dual-boot” your PC or use a “live install” disk. How? Well, they can either install a completely seperate operating system (with no parental controls or access by you!) by repartitioning your hard drive, or they can run it off the CD/DVD drive.

This is simple to do and would go undetected by most PC users. Further, even if they install Linux or BSD with your permission, none of your anti-virus or parental controls will work.

 

[kmktexas]

Mac6yver:

It is amazing the differences in parenting I see here. Reading your kids journals, no phones or TVs in their rooms. Only allowed to call parents on their cell phone. These things seem very strict to me. Of course I am not saying that you can not raise your children anyway you see fit, but some of the things mentioned in this thread are hard core.

I guess it is all relative and it depends on where you are personally on the parenting continum (both as a parent and when you were a kid). I am one of those you referenced as “hard core” but I am nowhere near the strictest parent I know or even the strictest one in my family.

Remember, as Catholic parents, one of our #1 responsibilities is to protect our children’s innocence. That doesn’t mean that they are sheltered to their detriment, just that parents can control quite a bit of the timing of what their children are exposed to.