Instructing older children

[la_petit_fleur]

My kids range from 16-21, all live at home. I can see certain personality traits which need to be corrected, for example one really has issues with pride (never can admit they’re wrong, needs everyone’s approval etc). Obviously this is somewhat due to my failure as a parent, some of it is temperament, etc. But I don’t feel like it would be very constructive to say that I can see they have an issue with pride and if they’re interested in conquering it they might try some small acts of mortification throughout the day, and I will be praying for them. Every human has issues of sin to be overcome, but once kids are older, how does a mom approach the topic? Or do I pray and let the Holy Spirit work? My husband is an atheist, and we don’t really read books or discuss spiritual matters as a family much. So there’s not really away to approach these issues in a more general way. I love my kids, and I feel like I’m failing them.

 

[Convert3]

Life has a way of correcting those who are too prideful. Pray for your kids and pray for yourself and your entire family. But don’t blame yourself because your kids didn’t turn out perfect. There will continue to be teachable moments and make use of those. Continue to love them and follow Christ’s teaching as an example to them. They still have a few years to maturity and will continue to grow. Be there for them and maybe you can bring more of your faith into your daily family life.
Every parent wishes they could do more, so don’t beat yourself up over it. God Bless!

 

[Allegra]

The thing about pride is that it often masks insecurity. Just because a person refuses to admit they are wrong, doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t know that they are wrong. Rather than suggesting mortification, you might try the opposite and encouraging him when he does something well and praising his talents and virtues. Also, make sure that you model that its okay to be wrong sometimes and do things such as admit mistakes and apologize for them if necessary. Modelling humility would probably go further than mortifying youthful arrogance.

 

[tafan2]

Once the kids get into high school, forming them correctly becomes more difficult. And with most kids, we all see things that continue to change. Here is my thought on the matter, for teenagers and young adults, one cannot simply correct the “ingrained” faults over and over and make much progress. But there is hope: focus on virtues at this point. This can be done rather “covertly” or overtly, depending on how one feels the kids will respond. And don’t just focus on the Cardinal and Theological Virtures. Start with the Capital virtues, which are distinctly set up to battle the 7 deadly sins. For example: humility battles pride. Provide subtle praise every time someone exhibits humility. Encourage humility instead of talking about a kid’s pride. Focus on making the kids virtuous.