Inter-Religion Relationship

[babochka]

I think you have a couple of red flags here. While she is Christian, she is not Catholic and if you have read any of the other threads concerning dating and marrying outside of the Catholic Church, you should not be dating with the idea of eventually marrying outside of the Catholic faith.

I absolutely agree. After breaking up with a Pentecostal/non-denominational boyfriend over religion, I developed a firm rule: only date Catholic men. It narrowed the field tremendously, which is difficult for a woman in her 30s to do, but it greatly increased the chances of finding a candidate for a good marriage.

If you were to marry and you wanted to be married within the Catholic Church, she would have to show she was baptized in a trinitarian form

This is untrue. While the Church strongly discourages it, Catholics are permitted, with dispensation, to marry unbaptized persons. This would not be a sacramental marriage, but would be sanctioned by the church. On the other hand, without the sacramental marriage, you would not receive the Grace of the Sacrament? It doesn’t seem like it would be the best thing for a marriage, if we believe in the Sacrament. The church allows dispensations for the good of souls, but it is far from ideal.

and you and she would have to promise the Church you would be raising your children as Catholics. There are just too many issues to delve into here about trying to raise children in mixed faith or faith/no faith homes.

Absolutely agreed! This is the biggest issue such marriages face.

Likewise, it sounds like she was married before. Whether she was willing to go through an annulment process or needed to, the fact that she was married and then divorced should be a concern and red flag. This doesn’t mean she isn’t nice or doesn’t love God but there are a couple major issues here that it would be better not to go down the dating road with and marry.

This is an issue best dealt with very early in the dating/courting process, but it should not necessarily preclude consideration, after an decree of nullity has been obtained. I would absolutely not move beyond friendship until that concern has been dealt with. The time to seek an annulment is before dating, not after the engagement. It is difficult, given that she isn’t Catholic and would not seek an annulment other than to marry a Catholic.

Don’t rule out someone with an annulment, however. Look prayerfully into the circumstances and determine who that person is today. I was married at 21, divorced at 22, and received a lack of form annulment shortly thereafter. When I married at 32, I was in a completely different place in my life, my maturity, and my faith, and I am immensely grateful that my husband of 12 years and the father of my 5 children didn’t hold my past against me.

 

[Nick003]

WHEW…

If I can’t get a simple answer around here, would it be possible to get one in layman’s terms?

To begin with, who said anything about children? Where did this “fact” come from? I know I didn’t say it! For reasons I will not disclose, trust me when I tell you there won’t be children. So, the issue of how they will be raised is a non-factor.

You guys are getting into this whole sub thread about the marriage being sanctioned but non-sacramental. Who cares?

PAY ATTENTION AND ANSWER THE QUESTION:

Is it possible to enter into a relationship which GOD WILL SMILE UPON with this woman?

If YES, in simple terms, please explain what questions I should be asking.

If NO, please explain in simple terms, WHY.

If you require more questions to answer, Please ask.

 

[coachkfan1]

All things are POSSIBLE with God.

The questions you should be asking yourself are, Am I ready to face the possibility of a lifetime of being in a relationship where we attend different worship services, possible and /or probable friction and tension over core beliefs that we strongly disagree on and what our children believe about them,the lack of unity in the family structure by not attending Mass together, your children wondering why Daddy, the head of the family by the way, goes to different church than they and so on and on.

Nobody is judging you. It is your life, you make your decisions and live with them. I am just trying to answer your question and point out some things that I have witnessed.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

WHEW…

If I can’t get a simple answer around here, would it be possible to get one in layman’s terms?

To begin with, who said anything about children? Where did this “fact” come from? I know I didn’t say it! For reasons I will not disclose, trust me when I tell you there won’t be children. So, the issue of how they will be raised is a non-factor.

You guys are getting into this whole sub thread about the marriage being sanctioned but non-sacramental. Who cares?

PAY ATTENTION AND ANSWER THE QUESTION:

Is it possible to enter into a relationship which GOD WILL SMILE UPON with this woman?

If YES, in simple terms, please explain what questions I should be asking.

If NO, please explain in simple terms, WHY.

If you require more questions to answer, Please ask.

Because you, as a Catholic, must be open to life, your whole life. You cannot knowingly use contraceptives to circumvent the blessing of children. Your prospective wife should know this and agree to it, although if she were to choose to use contraceptives, unless you approved, you would not necessarily be in sin if you had marital relations.

We are outlining for you the reasons why dating/becoming engaged to/marrying a person of another faith is a problem for Catholics.

If you know you are infertile, or have made yourself infertile, you would be in grave sin to marry someone who might want children.

You need to go and talk to your priest.

 

[OraLabora]

Your experience is the exception. All you need to do is look on the prayer requests on CAF to find and large number of them where a Catholic married a non-Catholic and now there is strife and conflicts over religion and raising the children.

Most of us in mixed marriages that do work don’t generally bother posting our woes on line.

I didn’t say it was easy, I said it was possible and I also said some denominations could be more problematic than others, and certain religions such as the JWs are plainly incompatible.

God’s love and grace trumps all though. The real killer is discussing doctrine. My wife and I have long ago gotten over ourselves and the need to argue doctrine. We’ve both managed to realize that without His grace in our lives we’re basically toast. Yes there was some hardship and suffering in reaching that point, but based on the Catholic separation and annulment rate I see here on CAF I’d say no worse than others. If we’re to use problematic relationships here on CAF as the gauge of whether mixed marriages are a disaster, then I’d say the problem rate seems to suggest Catholics shouldn’t marry either.

I’m realistic when I say it’s hard but possible. It’s bigotry to make a blanket statement to someone that they shouldn’t even consider a mixed marriage. Each situation needs to be evaluated on its merits. The proper place to seek that advice is with one’s parish priest, not CAF.

 

[bzkoss236]

WHEW…

If I can’t get a simple answer around here, would it be possible to get one in layman’s terms?

To begin with, who said anything about children? Where did this “fact” come from? I know I didn’t say it! For reasons I will not disclose, trust me when I tell you there won’t be children. So, the issue of how they will be raised is a non-factor.

You guys are getting into this whole sub thread about the marriage being sanctioned but non-sacramental. Who cares?

PAY ATTENTION AND ANSWER THE QUESTION:

Is it possible to enter into a relationship which GOD WILL SMILE UPON with this woman?

If YES, in simple terms, please explain what questions I should be asking.

If NO, please explain in simple terms, WHY.

If you require more questions to answer, Please ask.

Simple answer, Yes, but it gets complicated if things get serious and you consider marriage. And you will not be allowed to enter into marriage without being open to having children.

Relationships should be taken seriously. I’ve never bought into the “let’s just date for the fun of it” mentality. It’s always been about preparing for marriage to me. If you do it for the fun of it, why not just stay friends and hang out.

 

[mlz]

Wit God all things are possible, but no one here really can answer you question I don’t think as we don’t know everything. We can pray for God to give you wisdom and discernment.

Also, as a convert and having been involved in he Charismatic Movement (which has some connections with Pentecostals) I would invite her to join you at Eucharistic Adoration for an hour. ( a simple explanation is only necessary about Adoration) It had a profound impression on me because I KNEW He was so present there that I knew there was something True about the Catholic faith and has to pursue learning more. She may sense this as well

Prayers for you,
Mlz

 

[1ke]

trust me … there will be no children

I hope you are alluding to sterility–either due to age, to having been sterilized in the past, or due to natural defect.

If you are alluding to permanent impotence-- inability to have intercourse-- that in itself is an impediment to valid marriage.

Everything is relevant when talking about marriage.

You guys are getting into this whole sub thread about the marriage being sanctioned but non-sacramental. Who cares?

Well, the Church cares and you should too. If you don’t perhaps you need to bone up a little on what the Church teaches about marriage. Three To Get Married by Archbishop Fulton Sheen is an excellent book.

Is it possible to enter into a relationship which GOD WILL SMILE UPON with this woman?

No one here knows you or this woman, so no one here can tell you if God would “smile upon” the relationship.

What we can tell you is that the Church discourages mixed marriage-- see the numerous papal documents on the subject-- and forbids it in canon law without a dispensation (if she is not validly baptized) or permission (if she is baptized) from your bishop.

So, the Church’s collective wisdom is that it is generally a bad idea and should not be done. But the Church is willing to relax the law (dispense) in cases where her children do not listen to her counsel and choose to move forward with a mixed marriage.

If YES, in simple terms, please explain what questions I should be asking.

Yes it is possible for a Catholic to marry a non-Catholic.

If NO, please explain in simple terms, WHY.

Mixed marriage causes a lot of stress on the marriage and the Church must be convinced that the Catholic will not defect from the faith, else no dispensation.

If you require more questions to answer, Please ask.

We cannot tell you whether or not, in this instance, there are serious impediments or problems with moving forward with a relationship-- of course you have already stated one impediment in that she has a prior bond. If she resolves that through the Church tribunal and is declared free to marry, then you have many other things to discuss.

I really suggest you talk to your pastor and that if you want to move forward in a relationship you two really talk about your religious differences and how-- on a practical level-- that will work in your marriage without either of your compromising who you are and what you believe (and is that even possible?).

 

[Eufrosnia]

I realize that we are all Christians. I also am lead to understand that the Roman Catholic religion is the source from where other forms of Christianity have branched off. Is this true?

I’ve met a woman who is Pentecostal. Now, those of you whom have come to know me know that the most important thing to me where a relationship is concerned is that it be a relationship that God will smile upon.

Right from the start, I’ve made it clear that, based on my teaching and belief, she would need an annulment before I could enter into a relationship with her. I have to say it is much easier to lay this requirement on the table up front as emotional attachments haven’t developed.

She is receptive to this requirement.

If she decides to follow through and is granted an annulment, is there anything else I need to know about entering into a relationship with a woman outside Roman Catholic?

In times like this, you need to ask the following question:

What is the best decision I can make for my salvation, her salvation and the potential children?

The general answer to this question is that you should not marry outside the Catholic faith. Why? Because

1. It puts stress on your marriage based on religion
2. The common ground you would both be able to appeal to (and will be what gets you through) when you have strain in your marriage and think of quitting is your faith (Divorce is wrong and marriage is till death). If the other person thinks its ok to remarry, you are potentially looking at a celibate life while the other person marries someone else maybe even later on in your life.
3. Clashes in raising up children in the Catholic faith
4. Honest lack of knowledge on the part of your non-Catholic spouse to teach your children the Catholic faith (especially problematic when this spouse is the mother)
5. Inability to share things like sacraments and perhaps other devotions that you could with a Catholic spouse

So for all the reasons above, you should avoid marrying a non-Catholic.

At this point, the folks who are proponents of the opposite position tend to raise the following counter arguments

A) You could marry someone “Catholic” who is worse when it comes to practicing the faith

Reply: The issue here is that when one says marry a Catholic, it means to actually marry a practicing Catholic. Not just someone who calls themselves Catholic. So the ultimate purpose of courting should be to figure out whether the other person is serious about the Catholic faith and understands what marriage really is. That is what Catholics are called to do when entering marriage anyway. So the objection is based on a weird idea that when one says “marry in ones faith”, it means marry a “Catholic” who might not even practice the faith. That is not what is meant.

B) I am married to a non-Catholic man/woman and we are having a great marriage

Reply: Yes, this might be true but it doesn’t change the fact that the original choice to marry the person was not very good. We can make bad choices that lead us to good results. It does not justify our choice and neither does it give justification for others to follow our choice. We must make reasonable choices.
Also, it is more than possible that if you are a young couple, God forbid, the cliff is right around the corner. So it would be unwise to ask people to bank on the slim possibility that such marriages work out based on ones own anecdotal experience.

I hope the above helps you make an informed decision!