Interfaith marriage resources

[Arandur]

Hey, everyone!

I am Catholic and married (almost 5 years now) to a good Christian woman of a different denomination. We have struggled off and on about spiritual unity, and in the past couple of years we haven’t done much about it, just sort of lived our lives and avoided confrontation on this issue. I admit that I haven’t provided much spiritual leadership, and have been sort of paralyzed by uncertainty and a desire to not rock the boat. I think that has been a mistake.

We are starting to open a dialogue again about things, and I’m looking for some good resource on three different issues.

1. I have, since before we were married, consistently sought to learn more about her faith and what she believes and why, usually through reading or conversation with people other than her (avoiding confrontation with her). She hasn’t shown much if any initiative in learning anything about mine, aside from going to Mass with me each Sunday. Now, after a recent conversation, it sounds like she’s willing to look into it.

Can anyone recommend a good book or source to introduce someone to the faith, particularly explaining why we believe what we believe and demonstrating the validity of the Church? I have a few books that might work, but I’m not sure.

1. My wife is very worried about what we would do with children as far as raising them in faith. I have suggested some things, but the big fear is that unless we exclude children from one faith, we would confuse them and undermine the foundation of their faith. We went into marriage with the understanding that I could transmit to them my Catholic faith, but we had not understood this as exclusive of hers.

Can anyone suggest resources on how to raise Godly children in an interfaith marriage?

1. My wife has become resistant to the idea of having children at all. We planned to when we got married, but a couple of years ago she told me that she didn’t feel like she wanted children anymore. She says she prays that her desire be restored, and she worries about us because she knows that I can’t imagine living the rest of my life without children (I feel called to be a father, and since I’m married, feel confirmed in that vocation). I fear that a large part of her resistance to children is the uncertainty about how we would raise them, but she insists that isn’t the major part. She has always been accepting of contraception (and, truthfully, I was also at the beginning of our marriage, though am no longer), so you can see that she does not believe that openness to children is truly a necessity in marriage.

Can anyone suggest resources on how we might bridge this gap, how to demonstrate God’s calling to fruitfulness in marriage in a manner convincing to a non-Catholic?

Thank you!

 

[holly_potter]

I’m engaged to a Presbyterian guy, and as for the whole raising the kids Catholic part, here’s kinda what he and I have been talking about…

The kids are definitely going to be raise Catholic, but you’re right, it doesn’t have to be at the exclusion of the other faith. I would say that with children, be open about what you and your wife believe. It helps to go to each other’s church, as a way of learning what the other believes. Like, I’m planning on showing all the similarities between Catholicism and Presbyterianism, because “we are all Christian in our love” but for the parts where the faiths disagree on, then I’m planning on explaining with age-appropriate theology why we Catholics believe what we believe.

Even with the kids, it’s helpful to take the kids to the other’s church. Probably not every single Sunday, because that would be confusing to the children (plus kids can’t exactly be expected to sit in church 2 hours straight), but definitely on holidays. Once a month might be a good pattern to go, unless the other’s church is constantly talking anti-Catholic, or very counter Catholic beliefs. Of course, the frequency of attending the other’s church with the kids is up to each couple’s ability.

But it is important to affirm Christian unity, even when we disagree on some of the theology. (To make the unity thing work, she prolly should go to your church at least as frequently you are hers, but that’s up to you guys to figure out and what she’s comfortable with)

I don’t know how helpful this is, but it’s what this one couple is planning to do

 

[kage_ar]

Resources for the two of you?

I’d begin with the DVD and study guide “Common Ground” from www.catholicprotestant.com.

When it comes to children, remember, children are VERY smart. They will not believe anything if you tell them that two opposing things are both “right”. For instance, “daddy believes that the Eucharist is the real Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus Christ, mommy believes it is just a symbol and we are both right” will not work with kids.

Please, get this worked out before you have kids!

 

[Arandur]

I’m engaged to a Presbyterian guy, and as for the whole raising the kids Catholic part, here’s kinda what he and I have been talking about…

The kids are definitely going to be raise Catholic, but you’re right, it doesn’t have to be at the exclusion of the other faith. I would say that with children, be open about what you and your wife believe. It helps to go to each other’s church, as a way of learning what the other believes. Like, I’m planning on showing all the similarities between Catholicism and Presbyterianism, because “we are all Christian in our love” but for the parts where the faiths disagree on, then I’m planning on explaining with age-appropriate theology why we Catholics believe what we believe.

Even with the kids, it’s helpful to take the kids to the other’s church. Probably not every single Sunday, because that would be confusing to the children (plus kids can’t exactly be expected to sit in church 2 hours straight), but definitely on holidays. Once a month might be a good pattern to go, unless the other’s church is constantly talking anti-Catholic, or very counter Catholic beliefs. Of course, the frequency of attending the other’s church with the kids is up to each couple’s ability.

But it is important to affirm Christian unity, even when we disagree on some of the theology. (To make the unity thing work, she prolly should go to your church at least as frequently you are hers, but that’s up to you guys to figure out and what she’s comfortable with)

I don’t know how helpful this is, but it’s what this one couple is planning to do

Thanks. We had originally planned something very similar. There still exists the fear that it will be confusing to the children, and the danger that it will leave the children with less strong a foundation overall.

I encourage you to really talk this through with your fiance and get mutual agreement on as much as possible, including how you will handle the Sacraments and so forth. It would have helped if we had figured this out in more detail and agreed to the details before we got married. Things can change, of course, but the discussion about changing things should be easier if you already had agreement earlier on.

Resources for the two of you?

I’d begin with the DVD and study guide “Common Ground” from www.catholicprotestant.com.

When it comes to children, remember, children are VERY smart. They will not believe anything if you tell them that two opposing things are both “right”. For instance, “daddy believes that the Eucharist is the real Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus Christ, mommy believes it is just a symbol and we are both right” will not work with kids.

Please, get this worked out before you have kids!

Thanks, I’ll check that out. She’s not Protestant, strictly speaking, but has sort of a blend of conservative Protestant beliefs and belief in an authoritative priesthood (she’s a Restorationist, believing in BoM but with much more conservative theology than Mormons and the RLDS/CoC; basically believes the same things about God that we do, but differences on church authority, organization, and sacraments/“ordinances,” as well as some traditional Protestant sticking points–Mary, the Saints, the Eucharist, infant Baptism).

I recognize the perceptiveness of children and that’s what has us worried. We need to be able to convey that Truth is absolute and not relative, that “anything” does not go.

There are many similarities between our faiths, primarily difference in practice and beliefs about the authority of each. As many Mormons say that it’s either them or the Catholic Church (I dated a Mormon girl very seriously before my wife), it is much more true of this Restoration group whose beliefs are much more similar to ours.

 

[1ke]

The USCCB has set up a website which you may find helpful:

foryourmarriage.org/