International vs. Domestic adoption

[Marys_daughter]

I have a question about adopting International vs. Domestic.

My husband and I are considering adoption and I’m leaning toward International.

Is there a particular reason a Catholic should only adopt from his or her own country?

It seems to me that it shouldn’t really matter and perhaps it is even good to go where the children are in the most danger.

But maybe there is an argument for Domestic only adoption, that I’m overlooking.

Thanks,
Stephanie

 

[Almeria]

It depends on what you’re considering danger. If you are mean they will be killed if they are not adopted–by all means, adopt from there, and let us know what country that is, and all of us considering adoption will run to save the children. If you mean be unloved, put into an abusive group or foster home, be ripped from their siblings–that happens domestically as well as internationally.

My husband and I have been considering adoption as well. We want to adopt a sibling group–they are in need of a home that can keep them together. There’s not many people who would adopt 5 children at once, especially where the oldest is already in their teens. For this kind of adoption, we’re more looking domestically. The need is very high, and I haven’t found sibling groups internationally like I have domestically. And quite honestly, in my opinion, language issues become more predominant when you’re looking at multiple older children.

Regardless of where you choose, adoption is a wonderful gift for both you and the child. You are making a difference in the child’s life, and he/she is making one in yours. God bless you for considering adoption!

 

[cmejia]

Stephanie,
My husband and I adopted two girls. They are 2 and 4 years old. Both are domestic open adoptions and we were in the room for both births. In open adoptions the birthmother actually selects you and that made us feel good. She had some control as to who her baby would spend their life with. It’s pretty overwhelming. We don’t maintain contact with the birthmothers since we have not heard from them. We had some contact with the 4 year old’s birthmother the first year but have not heard from her since. At first we were terrified of the idea of open adoption but I came to realize it might help the girls later when explaining the whole process to them that we were hand selected by the birth parents and there was lots of love involved. Also from what I understand at some point the kids will fantsize about their birth families. It short of steals the thunder when you’ve already seen photos or even visited with them once or twice. The benefits of going overseas would be that you never meet the birth parents and can pretend they don’t exist. Either way they will in your child’s heart. Domestic adoption for us was pretty cheap too, about $11K each time. The wait time for the 4 year old was 9 months and 2 months for the 2 year old! Amazingly short. If you go overseas I don’t think you can bring home a new born. I know people adopting from China and the baby will be nearly a year old. Also there are many countries you cannot adopt from if you’re an American. We tried Brazil and Mexico since we’re Mexican-Americans. No go. So there are benefits to both. God bless you and your child which ever way you meet.

 

[aloejamb]

My dh and I have three biological children (7, 4, and 2) and have completed the paperchase portion of our adoption journey. We are adopting from China and will probably hear around July info on our newest addition. The journey we went through to decide international vs. domestic was just that …a journey. So Stephanie, that is what you are on right now…a journey. Domestic or international, we are ALL God’s children so in my opinion, it doesn’t matter one way or another where you adopt from. I can share some of our journey so that you can see some of the issues we sifted through. We decided not to go with a domestic adoption because we felt like we had the ability to have biological children and in some ways felt like we would be taking away from those who cannot conceive in their wombs ( international adoption can be more expensive). We also were not – at least at this point in our lives-- willing to do an open adoption. So we decided that international was for us. Now to pick a country…My husband felt drawn to China right away. I wanted to investigate more countries. I was NOT willing to travel to go get this child if I could help it. So that narrowed it down significantly…to Korea or to Guatemala. Through prayer and asking God to lead us where we are supposed to go , I put all my fears in God’s hands. China was His answer(You have to travel for 12 days and it is less paperwork if you BOTH go.) I still have fears of travelling and leaving our two girls behind (we will take our son). But I love this child already and am willing to finish this journey we felt called to go on. So this is a brief description of our journey…hope it helps you on yours.

God Bless you and how wonderful your heart is willing.
Beth

 

[Giannawannabe]

Mary’s Daughter,

We have adopted both domestically and internationally. My son(9) was through domestic adoption and we have 1 time a year contact with birth mom. At first, that was very difficult. Now, I rarely get nervous–maybe just a little.
My girls(11 and 5) were both adopted from Korea. We had tried to adopt from Guatemala. However, when we traveled to get our son—he was deathly ill from malnutrition, ended up seizuring and ended up in ICU at the local hospital. It was terrifying. We ended up having to leave him there because he was unable to travel—he would have died.
Korea was a relatively smooth process. The babies come here, instead of traveling. They are most likely under a year old when they arrive. My oldest was only 3 months old when she arrived. My youngest was 7 1/2 months old. They are cared for beautifully in Korea by foster moms and usually have no issues with attachment disorder/bonding.
We had tried for a couple of years to adopt domestically before trying internationally. At that time, there were a lot of problems with domestic adoption (the Jessica thing had just happened), so it was very scary—that’s why we went international the first time.
If you want to adopt siblings or older children, I would recommend adopting from here. In other countries, from my experience with other adoptive families, there are health/emotional/attachment problems that are only identified once the kids get here from the foreign country (i.e Russia, Bulgaria, etc.) . The older kids/siblings from here, may have abuse/neglect issues, but I think you are much more informed about them and you are more easily able to get to know the children prior to adopting them.
I thank God for adoption. My kids are the greatest gift ever. Good luck in your decision. Please PM me if you have any questions. I’ve been involved with this kind of thing for awhile

God Bless
Giannawannabe

 

[Marysgirl]

My husband and I adopted our 20yr old son from India when he was a tiny 5lb baby. He has been the joy of our life and is a wonderful son. Our other 5 children all think he is awesome. There is a very strong bond there. I would encourage anyone to adopt internationally. Best decision we ever made.

 

[Lisa_N]

Are you set on an infant? There are many children who have been removed from their parents who are “freed” for adoption. If you are concerned about a child in danger, these kids are in great danger of never having a normal home.

While some of them do have specific issues many of them are harder to place in adoptive homes because they are not infants or because there are siblings that they want to place together.

I am a volunteer for an organization that advocates for children who are taken from their parents because of abuse or neglect. Many are returned after the parents clean up but some do not ever go home with their bio mom and dad. There are 800 children in this area alone that are available for adoption. I keep wondering why people pay tens of thousands to adopt overseas when there are children right here in America. Many of the kids have special adoption allowances and sometimes state support that will help defray costs. Please consider this option as well. Thank you

Lisa N

 

[Marys_daughter]

I enjoyed all of your posts and appreciate your offers of help.

sniff Hubby doesn’t feel that adoption is right for us, at least right now, which was a real blow to me.

Took him 3 years to come around to Home Schooling, so maybe there is still hope for the future!

Which reminds me, does anyone have a good Novena for this situation?

Oh, and if anyone feels God may be calling them to open their hearts and homes to sibling orphans, send me a message. I know of a beautiful sibling group in Russia that need a home. 3 boys and a girl from ages 7-11. Their baby brother was adopted by a family in Wi. and this family would love to find a home here in America for his bio sibs.

Thanks again to everyone,

Stephanie