Into The Church, Out Now, and Confused

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Mattjstead

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Hello all,
I really never expected to ever be writing this because I had decided to just suppress it and forget about it. But, after having a conversation with a friend staying with us a few months while doing a job training which happens to be less than 2 minutes from our house, that somehow came around to the Catholic church, it is now eating away at me.

Some History:

I was raised Pentecostal from age 0-18 until I left for college. During my time in college at Texas A&M University, I met some friends and ended up going to St. Mary’s Catholic church. I experienced something I had never in my life experienced. And as I began researching (I will research any topic to death) low and behold, a year later both my wife (Fiance at the time) and I completed RCIA and were accepted into the church.

While living in College Station, we attended St. Mary’s and were very involved. After we had our son in March of 2013, we had him baptised (which amazingly enough, my parents (father and grandfather are Pentecostal pastors) attended).

Later in 2013, we decided to move back to Dallas from College Station since both of our families are in the Dallas area, and with a grand baby we wanted him close to his family.

After coming up to Dallas, my wife and I were invited by a friend of hers to go to a church called “Watermark Church” and so we went. Well, my wife fell in love with the church. She loved the contemporary music (which she admitted she missed in the Catholic church, she was raised Baptist), and so we began going there. In the hustle and bustle of moving (as anyone who has ever moved can understand). I just went with it for the time being.

Well, it is now almost March of 2016 and we are still going to Watermark. My wife is involved in a Bible study and groups, and has decided that we will become members of the church (Membership Classes, Finding a place to serve, and joining a couples community group).

I will be 100% honest in that I have just gone with the flow due to dealing with some health issues. My wife and I have a wonderful marriage and relationship and a precious son. But, she has been adament in becoming members.

It wasn’t until tonights conversation with my friend and my answering some questions for him (he left the church a long time ago) and he knew I was very informed on Catholic doctrine and Bible and if I didn’t know the answer could find it in one of my 40+ Catholic books I own. As the night went on, he asked a question that caught me off guard and really hit me in the gut. “But wait, you guys don’t go to a Catholic church now, right?” And I said yes and explained where we went. And then he asked the question that really hit me, “So, what are you now?” And I just sat there blank. In my heart I knew and it quickly went to my mind and I responded, “I am Catholic.” Now, he has long gone to bed, but I am awake and my mind is spinning.

I really feel like I am in a rock and a hard place. I had not realized how deeply I miss THE Church. How out of place I feel knowing the true history of my faith, and that although the church we are going to are Brothers and Sisters in Christ, it is not the Apostolic and Universal church Jesus established here on earth.

I am already going through some health issues. Due to health insurance issues I had to go off of 5 medications I was on (psychiatric medication for Bi-Polar and Panic Disorder), and will be starting an intense out-patient program this Tuesday to get me back on medicine and leveled out. The program should last 3-4 weeks.

I don’t know if I should ask, “What should I do about my families church situation?” Because I know the answers I will get. At the same time, I cannot handle the stress of hashing things out right now with my anxiety and pendulum of moods.

I guess, after getting to the end of this, I am asking for suggestions or encouragement of how I should approach this. I know that if I suddenly announce to my wife that I want to return to the Catholic church she is going to be crushed. I have never seen her so happy and close to God as I have with us going to Watermark. I also don’t want to be that family that “Mommy goes to one church, and Daddy goes to another.” That will just cause confusion in my son who is reaching the age of really understanding things. I feel very confused and torn, as I hope anyone could see in this situation.

Thank you to anyone who has read this far.

God Bless,
Matt
 
For now, I would simply pray to God for strength to get through the out patience program and wisdom to use the right words when you eventually so tell you wife you want to go back to the church.

As much as you don’t want to be the family that mommy goes to one church and daddy to the other, it could be a strong possibility and I wouldn’t rule that one out yet

Angie
 
Welcome Mattjstead. 🙂

Life can get quite tangled, can’t it? And things don’t always seem clear cut. I sympathize with your health issues and all you are dealing with. I think your wife is going on emotions not on which is the true Church. We women tend to do that–express our needs through emotion. Men tend to want to “fix” things while women just want a man to listen to her. So listen to her. Ask her why she likes this church over the Catholic Church. I’ll bet it comes down to fellowship above all else. In any case, be kind, loving and prayerful with her, but at some time you’ll have to take the reins and say you are both returning to the Church since you were received into the Church and confirmed. It was like getting married and then deciding another spouse would be nicer to have, if you see what I mean. So it’s serious, but you can’t push her into anything. Pray and pray hard, and get your health in order and let God do the convincing. I also recommend contacting The Coming Home Network. They deal with converts of all kinds and in all situations. All the best to your family. You have my prayers.
 
Thank you both very much for your words. Both are very much appreciated.

As far as the out-patient program goes, I am very much at peace and ready to get back to where I was before all my insurance got messed up. Luckily I was able to appeal and get a plan that covered the superior facility I found and is only $5 more than I was paying (and two times better in all regard. No deductible, medicine is half what it was, etc.) I know God is in control of everything, and we go through everything for a reason.

I do not fault my wife in the least, and I know her well enough that if I said, “We are going back Home,” she would not have an issue.

We have a very healthy marriage, and such respect for one another that many people even tease us about, “Oh come on, you have to fight at least SOMETIMES!” And I assure them, we don’t. . . and in 5 years never have. Never yell or get angry.

All in all, I am probably making more of a big deal out of it than it is . . . a mixture of (1) I like to go with the flow (except for certain issues like social justice or politics haha) and (2) dealing with going on 1 1/2 months of going cold turkey of 5 medicines you should NEVER go cold turkey off. But, it is the cross we bare, and through it (although I wouldn’t wish either Bi-Polar or Panic Disorder on anyone) has let me meet some amazing people that I would never have.

Love,
Matt
 
Fellowship while enjoyable will not get anyone into heaven. The sacraments will. A Catholic who truly believes in the real presence of the body and blood of Christ in the Holy Eucharist would never leave that.

Some people refer to themselves as reformed Catholics when in reality they are just failed Catholics who never really believed.
 
Matt, take care of yourself. I hope you are feeling better soon. Praying for you.

I briefly left the Church for six months because I felt guilty all the time. The problem wasn’t the Catholic Church. It was me, being scrupulous. I started attending the Pentecostal Church. The music was great. The people were genuine, very friendly. The pastor and his wife had me over for dinner.

As much as I liked that church, something was missing. It was in an office building. No tabernacle. No Real Presence of Jesus in the Eucharist. No Holy Communion. No glorious Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. No opportunity for Sacramental Confession with the Priest representing Jesus, officially absolving me from my sins.

No Communion of Saints praying for me. No Sacred Tradition. Not at mention of the Blessed Mother. No Rosary, No Stations of the Cross, No Sacred Tradition, No Pope to settle matters of Faith and Doctrine.

I am so glad to be back home in the True Church that Jesus started. I sorely missed Jesus in the Eucharist. I have found a friendly, Catholic Church Community with The Real Presence that also has great music and fellowship.
 
Will keep you and your family in my prayers.

I’ve been attending a program during Lent at my parish called “Return” by Brandon Vogt. It’s aimed at parents with children who’ve left the Catholic Church, but I am attending even though I don’t have any children. I have always had a “zeal for souls” going way back to gradeschool days as I began to internalize my Faith and know that Jesus desires all to be saved. So I am attending the Return program as a spiritual mother/grandmother/whatever. I have lots of cousins who have fallen away, for instance. Perhaps I can lead them to consider returning. Or friends.

Anyway, the program is very worthwhile and what I think would be applicable to your situation with your wife is that it emphasises taking that time to listen and understand. It also addresses several of the reasons people fall away from Catholicism, including changing to a different church that they like better. Here is the link to the website, and may God bless you in your journey.

helpthemreturn.com/game-plan
 
I presume this Watermark church meets Sunday morning? You could also additionally go by yourself to a vigil Mass Saturday night. Not ideal (as your wife would still not be attending Mass) but better than nothing.
 
Dear brother in Christ,

Realize that you, as husband and father, are the spiritual head of your family, not your wife. This is a Christian principle that I believe is shared by most branches of Christianity, so she hopefully will submit to your authority. I pray that you feel aware of your spiritual leadership and grow stronger. But, for the time being, you must negotiate with your wife to postpone making such a decision until when your health improves. You are not in the best state to make big decisions that would affect your life and the lives for which you are responsible to lead to heaven.

Be strong; take heart.

Pax Christi
 
Hi Mattjstead, we will pray for your problem.

I don’t know if you watch EWTN and already did this but I will just put it here. One of the shows that I like to watch is Journey Home were Marcus Grodi the presenter and interviewer, has a site which helps deals with problems of coming back to the Church and the problems that that step can carry.

Here is the site:
chnetwork.org/members/those-examining-the-catholic-church/
 
Polycarp1 said:
Fellowship while enjoyable will not get anyone into heaven. The sacraments will. A Catholic who truly believes in the real presence of the body and blood of Christ in the Holy Eucharist would never leave that.

Some people refer to themselves as reformed Catholics when in reality they are just failed Catholics who never really believed.
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I can assure you that after attending RCIA, reading over 50+ books in that time, as well as articles, online resources, and reading my Bible and the Catechism over the year long period of converting to the Catholic faith, I do. It has just been my own laziness and disregard that I let my weak human side take over.

God Bless,
Matt
 
If you truly believe that the Catholic church is the one true holy Catholic and apostolic church…if you truly believe that the real presence of Christ is found in the Eucharist then you deserve it for yourself to continue doing what you truly believe…to do otherwise would be denying what you know to be true by refusing the body and blood of our savior Jesus Christ…that could over time cause you a certain amount of angst that you have turned your back on receiving Christ…by going along with your wifes wishes you could even begin to feel as if she is keeping you away from what you really want…probably the best thing to do at this time is to respect her wishes but to also make it known that she must respect yours and not hinder you from attending mass at least weekly…you could still attend her church without losing your Catholic faith…just keep praying she will return to the Catholic church…maybe in her enthusiasm she is reliving her Evangelical upbringing but may over time begin to realize that she is not receiving the nourishment found in the Eucharist and the sacraments of the Catholic church…it’s not an easy thing to have a family separated over which church to attend…my wife was a Methodist and she would attend her church…I would attend my Catholic church…sometimes I would also attend her church…and she mine…over time and prayer she began to attend the Catholic church more and more…she is to be confirmed into the Catholic church in 2 weeks time…don’t give up on your faith especially as you are going through a difficult time with your health…show her by your example how strong and meaningful your faith is…most of all keep praying…God bless
 
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