Invalid Marriage and Gifts

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roseproject

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So, my cousin just got married recently. He was born and raised in the Church. I’m not sure about the wife, I think she’s Christian at least.
The ceremony was held in someones backyard not in a church, and the one giving the ceremony wasn’t a priest.

While we couldn’t attend the wedding because of how far we live from them now and financial limits, my parents will be sending them a gift. They are his godparents and will be sending them a family bible and a crucifix for their home. Now, I don’t know the entire situation as to why they decided to have this kind of ceremony. As far as I know, my cousin is still participating in the Church. My parents (after talking about it with my aunt) will probably encourage him to have his marriage blessed.

I was thinking about sending a gift, too (I was going to draw a picture of them), but I don’t know if that would be prudent or not. I do want to wish them luck with their relationship in some way and for them to be blessed but I’m having second thoughts about sending them a gift. I was thinking of writing a note on the back of the drawing wishing them blessings or something to the effect of “may your relationship be pleasing in the eyes of God”. Not sure that would make a difference or not 🤷

What’s your take on this?

Thanks in advance 🙂
 
What basis do you have to suggest that their marriage is invalid? They could have had a valid dispensation from form. It sounds as if you do not know.
 
roseproject said:
I was thinking about sending a gift, too (I was going to draw a picture of them), but I don’t know if that would be prudent or not. I do want to wish them luck with their relationship in some way and for them to be blessed but I’m having second thoughts about sending them a gift. I was thinking of writing a note on the back of the drawing wishing them blessings or something to the effect of “may your relationship be pleasing in the eyes of God”. Not sure that would make a difference or not
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Send them your gift. But write, “marriage”, not relationship.
 
wow.
A gift means you wish them well.
If you don’t, or can’t…don’t send one.
Seems simple to me. 🤷
 
Do you know all the circumstances of their marriage? Do you know if they received a dispensation to have their marriage vows exchanged outside?

I would say send a small gift and wish them well in their new married life together. If you don’t feel that you can do that, then don’t.
 
roseproject said:
… I was thinking of writing a note on the back of the drawing wishing them blessings…
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So far, so good.
…or something to the effect of “may your relationship be pleasing in the eyes of God”.
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That wording could seem a bit holier-than-thou. It would be better to pray for blessings to be on their marriage. Not that you have the authority to bless their marriage, but anyone can ask God (or the Holy Spirit) in prayer for blessings upon family members.
 
pianistclare said:
wow.
A gift means you wish them well.
If you don’t, or can’t…don’t send one.
Seems simple to me. 🤷
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I’ve just heard of many occasions where it isn’t recommended to attend or EVEN send a present for a persons wedding if you know it’s not valid in the eyes of the church…that is, that seems to be the case mainly if you’re sure about such.
 
roseproject said:
I’ve just heard of many occasions where it isn’t recommended to attend or EVEN send a present for a persons wedding if you know it’s not valid in the eyes of the church…that is, that seems to be the case mainly if you’re sure about such.
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We know. In your case, you should send a gift if your conscience is telling you to. You have not said your cousin and their spouse is anti-Catholic or doing horrible things to spite God. So…send a gift if you want.
 
It depends on the question of is it presumptively going to be valid (that is they got a dispensation where such is needed …).

If I it is not going to be valid - no I do not send a gift.
 
This wedding has the potential of becoming valid. So for weddings like this, you have to ask yourself if not sending a gift will bring the couple closer or further from the church in the future.
 
roseproject said:
I’ve just heard of many occasions where it isn’t recommended to attend or EVEN send a present for a persons wedding if you know it’s not valid in the eyes of the church…that is, that seems to be the case mainly if you’re sure about such.
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possibly recommended by the same people who would think you should not pray for the comfort of family members following the death in the family, if they are not Catholic.🤷
 
roseproject said:
. Not sure that would make a difference or not 🤷
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It will make a BIG difference but not in the way you hopes. It will make them feel judge and resent you or possibly the church.

Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you have much day to day contact with this cousin. Now is NOT the time to start telling them what to do.

I also think that if your parent’s only intention of sending a bible and a crucifix is to ‘give them a hint’ that gift is in poor taste.
 
roseproject said:
I’ve just heard of many occasions where it isn’t recommended to attend or EVEN send a present for a persons wedding if you know it’s not valid in the eyes of the church…that is, that seems to be the case mainly if you’re sure about such.
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You don’t know that this is an invalid marriage. If the bride is not Catholic it is possible, even probable, that they have a dispensation to be married by her minister.

If you don’t have all of the facts, you should put the most charitable motives on their actions (give them the benefit of the doubt).

That being said, you should never feel you are obligated to send a present. If you want to, do.
 
Anglewannabe said:
It will make a BIG difference but not in the way you hopes. It will make them feel judge and resent you or possibly the church.

Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you have much day to day contact with this cousin. Now is NOT the time to start telling them what to do.

I also think that if your parent’s only intention of sending a bible and a crucifix is to ‘give them a hint’ that gift is in poor taste.
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I can see how writing “may your relationship be pleasing” can be taken the wrong way. Just wishing blessings for them would be a bit more appropriate, I think.

…and no, my parents certainly aren’t giving them those presents to “give them a hint”.
 
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