Irreconcilable differences...whatever!

[Island_Oak]

Lexee,

Not sure if you remember me, but I was divorced in Illinois about 2 years ago and we chatted then.

I can see why your attorney is fighting that. You can list adultery as a reason for divorce in Illinois but it is hardly ever done anymore. I think, mainly, because it can make the process MUCH longer and more expensive. If you’re trying to actually prove grounds for divorce in a no-fault state, the other attorney can force a trial. No fault means no trial means both of you save a ton of cash. Even the money he saves benefits you if you’re going to recieve child support payments in the final decree.

I would guess that your attorney knows that ex’s attorney will totally FREAK seeing adultery even mentioned in the docs, and it could cause a big brou-ha, and slow down the process for months.

I totally understand your feelings, but a divorce decree is not the only legal way your dear daughter will be remembered. There is a hospital document, a birth certificate, your family memories, etc.

A friend of mine here in Houston who is a divorce attorney says that the only expensive divorces are the ones where people cling to certain things that are not vital to the process. I understand you want the truth to be told, but the divorce decree is not your only recourse. Please, I say this not to criticize…you are justified in any action you’ve taken. I just say this to maybe show you a way to speed things up and save yourself further grief.

And, having dealt with my own cheating spouse who refused he was cheating (with a straight face) while buying a house with his girlfriend and her children…trying to make them feel guilt or remind them of important things they should know can pretty much be a waste of time. Liars and cheats don’t care what we think of them.

God bless you, you are in my prayers.

I’m sorry…but I have to agree. Divorce court is not the forum to fight these battles and expect to gain any ground, much less win. You are in this spot because of a terrible loss, one for which you bear no fault and were not the cause–but also one which you can no longer hope to fix. Your former husband is a lost cause. You will not guilt him into acknowledging responsibility for ruining the marriage, failing you, your son, Fatima or himself as a man. And fighting over words on a page won’t really change much at this point either.

Get the dissolution papers in order, (while you continue to fight for support for your son) and then sign. Close this chapter of your life once and for all and let go of all the terrible disappointment and betrayal. You really need to push this man with his dank, putrid soul out of your heart to make room for someone new with warmth, kindness and vitality.

 

[cecilia97]

You’re absolutely right Cecilia, in my case I doubt anyone could deny his cheating…even him since he’s got a kid that’s the age of my little girl. I know what you’re saying though, which is what my attorney told me and I don’t feel like making this any longer than has to be, I just think it’s ridiculous!!!

Lexee, I don’t know if this will help but do remember that no one ever looks at your decree after it’s over. It’s you, the ex, the two lawyers, and the judge. I know this is silly, but it’s not like someone is going to ask what grounds your divorce had the next time you interview for a job or anything. The only close examination it will ever get it if you file for an amendment to the terms (child support, custody, etc) later in life.