Is an R movie okay for a 14-year-old?

[MGray]

I’m troubled by the fact that my husband thinks that renting an R-rated movie to show to our 14-year-old son is just fine. The movie in question last night was “1984,” the English version, which features nudity and plenty of sexual content. After about the first half-hour, when the onscreen images seemed “over-the-top” and totally inappropriate for our son, I said, “This is not good! It should be edited, or you should check the rating of a movie before checking it out.” My husband then fast-forwarded, lost his place in the movie, and became angry with me. He told me, “You don’t have to watch this! Just go away!” My poor, sweet son was caught in the middle – he was sitting there with his eyes shut. I left for the supermarket and I assume that they watched the entire movie. I realize that we can’t shelter our son forever, but I believe that it’s sending the wrong message to condone such content in movies. Am I wrong to have this view?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

The problem here isn’t the R-rated movie. Depending on the content and the parents’ assessment of appropriateness for a particular child, an R-rated movie is not always inherently inappropriate for minors.

The problem is that you embarrassed your husband by chastising him in front of your son and he responded in kind to you. All of this could have been avoided had the two of you discussed beforehand which movie you all would see. In the event of an obvious mistake, you might have suggested a snack break and sent your son off to the kitchen to make popcorn. Then you would have had an opportunity for a private conference with your husband and suggested putting in another movie when your son got back. This then could have been announced cheerfully to your son without embarrassment to anyone (e.g., “Honey, this movie turned out to be a dud. We’ll pop in another one from our supply. What would you like to see?”).

The movie problem is a rather simple one to solve, but the communications and respect issues between you and your husband are more serious. I recommend that you consider the possibility of marital counseling. You can receive counseling or a referral to a counselor from the Pastoral Solutions Institute.