Is being an only child a legitimate bar to a religious vocation?

[DL82]

I am an only son.

I am an only son of an only son of an only son, and my mother died when I was young.

Basically, my family = my dad + me.

Further, dad is not Catholic, and is still very angry at God for taking my mother. I think it would crush him if he felt that God was taking away his son as well. (I talked to him about it before, and he wasn’t too surprised, but was still quite negative, he also made a joke about it, which is usually his first reaction when someone dies.)

Now, he lives in Scotland, where there is free essential care for the elderly, so he wouldn’t ever be financially dependent on me for his care, but I still feel a responsibility to him.

I also feel a responsibility, as the last of my family name (at least the last in the UK, I think we have some distant relatives in Australia & South Africa), to carry on the line. Is that a legitimate reason to feel called to marriage? I’m worried that it basically amounts to turning my race and ancestry into an idol.

I also feel like we need good lay people. I worry that, for me, a vocation as a celebate deacon or religious brother would be a retreat away from the things I could do in the world, as a good, faithful Catholic living the faith in an evangelical way among ordinary people, showing that you can be an ordinary person and a faithful Catholic. If I were to spend all my time in liturgical service, living and praying with other consecrated people, I just feel that I wouldn’t have the impact I could have on the world for good. It would be good, and I’d have a certain kind of peace as a result, but it would feel like the peace of retreating from the battle to a safe place behind the front lines. I’m not saying those people don’t have a role, just that I don’t feel as strongly called to that.

I’d appreciate your advice.

 

[Secret_Square]

I knew two priests who were only children.

One joined a Franciscan community and was stationed all over the United States. He eventually came back to his hometown parish, in part to help care for his elderly mother, and was greatly beloved by many. He died of a heart attack in his 60s; his mother outlived him by at least several years. He was a wonderful priest – one of my favorites, actually – and I miss him to this day. I don’t know for certain but I would think the members of his order probably made some provisions to insure that his mother was cared for.

The other was a diocesan priest, a canon lawyer, who was pastor of a small town parish for several years. He was in the priesthood about 20 years before leaving to get married. I do not know whether he was properly laicized or just left, and I do not know what became of him after that. I think both his parents were dead before he left the priesthood. I do know that some of his former parishioners speculated (and it was just speculation) that the loneliness of having no family whatsoever may have gotten to him and that’s why he left.

Not having a supportive family, or a family of any kind, can be difficult for a priest but it is not an insurmountable obstacle to a vocation. Perhaps in the case of the Franciscan priest, being part of a religious community and always living with at least one or two other priests helped him stay faithful to his vocation, whereas diocesan priests in the U.S. often live alone.

If you can, bring this issue before a good spiritual director to help you discern how you are really being called.

 

[Sister_Rose]

I don’t know whether you in fact have a vocation to the priesthood, diaconate or religious life but the arguments that you have presented so far do not seem to be signs that God is not calling you but excuses why you shouldn’t follow it. Perhaps that is just the way I am reading it.

Being an only child would only really be a legitimate obstacle if your parent were an actual dependant. Following a priestly or religious vocation would not necessarily cut you off from your father. I have known some diocesan priests who have had their sister or mother living with them even.

I think you need to really figure out what God is calling you to do. He’ll take care of the rest. Your father will be better off by your following your vocation. God loves your father more than you do, and wouldn’t ask you to do something that would actually be harmful to him. Most parents have difficulty accepting their child’s religious vocation, but most of them have a change of heart too.

 

[BrooklynBoy200]

I think that carrying on your family name is a good reason to not join the priesthood.
I wouldn’t say it was essential though, so if you do really feel called to the priesthood, then you should join.

 

[kyria]

but it would feel like the peace of retreating from the battle to a safe place behind the front lines.

Although there are religious communities that are not out there and about I don’t think one could really say those who become religious are sitting safely behind the front lines.

Without priests I would probably still be on the road to hell or have left the Church. The Church needs men willing to listen to the call of God and follow, for the sake of the Kingdom of God. And that often means being open and saying yes and then waiting to see were God wishes to place us.

I am sure a large percentage of religious would not have thought they’d end up as one. I know when I felt I had to work for God, I didn’t really like where it seemed I was heading. I tried to negotiate with God, I gave God options of what I could do, such as joining the Catholic Women’s League and baking, becoming a missionary when my children left home, offering to marry again and produce more Catholic children. And I sat back and said to God “'what do you think of my ideas?” But what I overlooked was this was not about me, this was not about what I wanted to do, this was about God and what he wanted me to do for the Kingdom of God.

Mary said yes to God and that yes involved having to watch her only son die on a cross for the sake of mankind. Your dad will survive if you become a religous. There are no guarantees with anyone that the family name or line will continue. I’ve got two kids, I can’t guarantee they will marry and give me Catholic babies. I can’t guarantee that I will be the child that cares for my elderly parents because this is God’s arena, not mine. And I think this is what many overlook, who’s arena is this? sure we can all come up with some individuals ideas on what WE think we might be bested suited to do for the Church, what WE think we want to do. But what we really should be doing is simply being open to God’s call in our lives and working out whether we are willing enough to follow in what ever capacity Christ feels we should be placed.

And this idea you have of the religious not being at the front line. You might wish to ask a religious or two exactly what their vocation involves, because I don’t see it as hiding behind the frontline. We are all at the front line, we just are placed in different positions on that line. We are all called to stand up and come forward to stand on that line with Christ in the battle against evil and what brings true peace in our soul is knowing we’ve answered his call and done his will.

It is following God’s will for us that grants many peace, not what sort of vocation he ends up pulling us into.

 

[oremus]

My son is an only child and a seminarian. God’s will be done.

It also occurred to me that Jesus was an only son.

 

[barb_finnegan]

I know of two ‘only sons’ who are priests.

One is from New York State and is in the Naval Reserve-he served in Iraq [Gulf War One and the current conflict] and in Afghanistan. He presently takes care of three parishes in the Adirondacks.

The other is in England, but he was not the biological son of his parents. He was adopted. In 1982, he was ordained by John Paul II on the last day of the Holy Father’s trip to Britain. I met my friend on October 13, 1988, in Fatima, Portugal.

So it’s not unusual for only sons to go into the priesthood or religious life.

And, as one poster said…Our Lord was an ‘only Son’, too. :yup:

 

[Angel_Bradford]

Pope John Paul II was the last surviving member of his family and, essentially, an only child after his older brother died. Come to think of it, I don’t recall anyone claiming to be related to him.