Is dating necessary?

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My sixteen year old daughter may soon be asked out on her first date. What is the purpose of dating? Is it to discover romance and intimacy, or to shop for a soul mate, or for some other reason? Is dating a necessary step before marriage or is there some other way?

I came of age in the 60’s when ideas about dating and other social institutions were being revolutionized. My own dating as a teenager was mostly awkward and painful and, as a result, I don’t have much positive experience to draw from when talking to my daughter.
 
Chortle said:
My sixteen year old daughter may soon be asked out on her first date. What is the purpose of dating? Is it to discover romance and intimacy, or to shop for a soul mate, or for some other reason? Is dating a necessary step before marriage or is there some other way?

I came of age in the 60’s when ideas about dating and other social institutions were being revolutionized. My own dating as a teenager was mostly awkward and painful and, as a result, I don’t have much positive experience to draw from when talking to my daughter.
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The position we took in our family, we have 6 between 18 and 30, was that if you weren’t ready to marry then you weren’t ready for one-on-one dating. With the right supervison, group outings were OK after they were 15 or 16, depending on their maturity
It seems that for most of the last 4 decades, dating has been relegated to a recreational pass time. The time to discovery intimacy is after marriage. In my case, which I believe is quite rare, the only dating I did was with my wife to be.
 
Being a middle-aged single man, I do not look at dating as a form of recreation.

It is nothing less than auditioning potential spouses. To look at it any other way (for me) is to invite an occasion of sin.

Is dating necessary? Technically no. It was only in the last few hundred years in the Western world that arranged marriages fell out of fashion. Personally, as long as someone has the right to back out of such an arrangement, I do not object to arranged marriages in concept.

Dating is not the time to discover intamacy! Ever! Not, not ever! That is what the 60’s taught us.

As for the lessons learned about dating from the 60’s, I am not that far behind you in age, it sounds. Personally, I would forget all those lessons. They have not served us well. Those lessons directly lead to widespread pornography, grossly immodest dress, complete loss of respect for the dignity of women, the abdication of women fom their elevated role in society, the emasculation of men, the explosion of homosexuality, and, worst of all, the horrrific crime of abortion. So, no, I do not think I would try to apply those lessons.

Consider a book by Fr. T. G. Marrow, Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World. It is a good book, though aimed more at adults than adolesents.

Finally, I think the concept of “soul-mate” is a very bad one. It sets a standard the virtually no relationship, no matter how happy, can reach. Personally, I never use the term nor would I date a woman who is searching for her “soul-mate”.
 
davidv said:
The position we took in our family, we have 6 between 18 and 30, was that if you weren’t ready to marry then you weren’t ready for one-on-one dating. With the right supervison, group outings were OK after they were 15 or 16, depending on their maturity
It seems that for most of the last 4 decades, dating has been relegated to a recreational pass time. The time to discovery intimacy is after marriage. In my case, which I believe is quite rare, the only dating I did was with my wife to be.
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Thanks you just helped me.😃 My daughter is 14 and hasnt asked yet but I know its coming.:eek:
 
Other than references to Jason evert’s information, no one has bothered to define theri terms.

What is meant by dating?

What is meant by courtship?

If two people are single adults and tehy want to go to an activity that is a couples activity - for example, dancing - is that a date? Courtship?

If 2 single adults want to go to dinner, or join some others for dinner, is that a date? A movie or the theater, or the symphony? Lunch?

Waht defines a date? And are there other activities that don’t qualify as a date?

Is it defined by a romantic attraction by one of the parties? Both? If one is not romanticaly interested, is it still a date if the other one is?
 
A friend recently started dating a guy who constantly wanted to see her ‘alone’. Though we asked (we=group of 7 close friends) why he was so adamant on getting her alone, we didnt real;ise how evil and insidious he was.

I think dating is fine, just watch for the freaks.
 
dating has been around for ages. if it wasnt for dating, Id not exist. my parents meeting each other was a date set up by mutual friends.😉
 
Dating is needed in order to figure out what traits we like/dislike to better help us find the person we want to marry. We’ll never know if we never get to know the opposite sex. I haven’t always had good experiences, but have also had many good ones. Any guy I have dated has not only helped me figure out what I like and personally “must have” in my future husband, but also each has helped me grow as a person. They teach you things about not only them, but yourself.

I started dating at 16, but never went on a one on one alone date until I was 18 in college. Group dates are great for high school, that way kids can begin learning about their preferences and meeting others without being pressured as much to be intimate when they shouldn’t be.
 
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