Is God calling me?

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vince2paul

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Few months ago, I felt the calling to be religious brother/diocesan priest. So I contacted few vocation directors to know more about different religious orders and diocesan priesthood. However, observing the reality, I was quite disappointed to know there are not-so-good brothers/priests, discouraging parishioners, church politics, etc. Well, this journey made me aware of what is happening in the church. The people that I used to admire because of their dedication to church is nonetheless just want to have power, even the priest that I admired when I was in high school, didn’t believe in Mary apparation and actually dislike Mary.

I started to doubt whether I have the calling. So I tested the calling by just being a passive person in church; I stopped seeing the vocation directors, reduced my activities in church and instead concentrate on my studies more and look for the alternatives on the secular world.

I really consider being an apologist instead. It seems fun!
And it’s enable me to outreach to the world, because I think priests/brothers are only able to outreach to those in church/ who are Catholics only.

It’s been 2 months, and I actually don’t feel that bad. I heard that if God is calling you, it won’t disappear and keep on echoing in your heart. But I don’t feel that (or at least I think I don’t). Now I’m very confused whether I was called to the religious life/priesthood, or was it only my imagination? If I was, why I don’t feel it anymore?
 
Pray and pray some more. God will make His plan clear to you at His schedule and not yours. He might have just planted a seed but wants you to spend years more as a layman. Or He might have called you to be more contemplative as a layman as you continue your journey toward your ultimate vocation as a single man or a husband. Or He might have planted this seed so that later in life as a married or single man, you will respond to a call to be a Permanent Deacon.

In short, don’t fret. You will find your true vocation when you are at peace with the decisions you are making. When you feel conflict, it means that there you are hearing a cacophony of noise that is drowning out the whispers of the Holy Spirit.
 
Few months ago, I felt the calling to be religious brother/ddidn’t believe in Mary apparation and actually dislike Mary.
I must say this, apparations of Mary are not part of the Deposit of Faith. One may be a faithful Catholic and not believe in any of the approved apparations. They are private revelations, not public.

As for this priest “actually dislike Mary”, how do you know? Did he actually say this? Or do you assume this due to others things he has said and done?
 
As for this priest “actually dislike Mary”, how do you know? Did he actually say this? Or do you assume this due to others things he has said and done?
It often comes out in the conversation, etc. Well, it’s something that most people in the parish know, even the other priests in my parish. He once said that there’s no point praying to Mary. He’s actually a big question mark to many people, because he’s been serving in the parish for 15 years where usually other priests are about 3-5 years only.
 
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