Is God telling me to break up with my boyfriend?

[sweetbarry90]

Hi,
I’ve been troubled recently with the worry that God may be telling me to break up with my boyfriend. We’ve been dating for close to 3 years and have made some poor choices in the past, but have really turned our relationship around to include Christ more. However, I was on a retreat this past summer and during confession, the priest seemed to be telling me to break-up with my boyfriend. I wasn;t sure what to do about it, so I talked it over with my boyfriend and we decided to stop doing the bad things and keep focused on God.

Now just today, I felt like God was sending me signs that I should break up with him. I was shopping this morning and the song playing was “if you love someone, set them free”. I tried not to think about it, but then when i was praying today, I felt like God was telling me to give thought to ending the relationship. Then, while talking with my boyfriend, he told me that he was worried he was being called to the priesthood. I cried for 20 minutes, confused and worried about what this all means. I talked with him later and told him how upset i was about what he’d told me. He said, “You were right. I’m only 19 and shouldn’t be thinking about marriage or priesthood right now. I’m in college and just need to worry about that. I love you and i still want to be with you, but i’m just so happy about the new faith i’ve found.”

I don’t think he’s really given true thought to becoming a priest because he’s always been a family guy and always talks about having 3 or 4 kids. but he’s very involved in the ccm at his college and is probably influenced by all of the stuff there. he origionally went to the college to study psychology, and is still doing so, but fells that he wants to get a degree in Theology. I told him that doing so was a great idea, but he said if he did, he wouldn’t get a good-paying job. he told me he feels so happy learning about the faith and apologetics and wants to have it as a huge part of his life. i said that he could still have a wholely Catholic life as a youth minister or campus minister without becoming a priest. it just seems so out of character for him. i don’t know that he would make a good priest, and i’m not just saying this because he’s my boyfriend. he way of going about talking to people about the faith is sometimes threatening.

I want to stop thinking about all of this and just be happy again but i’m so anxious and confused! I don’t know what to do! Who should I talk to?

Thanks!

 

[skallal]

Hi sweetberry!

Thanks be to God for your courage and faith in stepping out there and looking for help in this difficult time. You like me are having trouble seeing what God wants in this situation. Obviously there are lots of possibilities about how to go about things from here and maybe it’s good to consider the whole spectrum. One way, that you might want to try to get a better idea of what God could be asking you to do in this situation is to try a little “Spiritual Exercise” that comes from Ignatius of Loyola. Ignatius says that when signs aren’t clear about what to do, and we want to get some sort of balance we can try a few things.

1. Take 4 pieces of paper. On one, write all the good things about staying with your boyfriend. On another write all the bad things involved. On the third write any good that might come from breaking up with your boyfriend, and on the fourth the bad that could come from that. Then just sit there and mull it over and see which way your heart takes you. This method is a little cold and calculating, but it might be useful…
2. The other way is a little more fun. Imagine that! You get to use your imagination. First, you could imagine a person in your exact same situation, not related to you in any way, but whom you love as a Christian and whom you want to see reach eternal happiness by living well on earth. If you imagine a young woman in your same situation, what advice would you give her, hmm? Or another way is to imagine yourself on your deathbed. What decision would you wish you’d have made then? To stay with him? To break up? I don’t know, but it’s interesting to think about… Ignatius also proposes imagining yourself before God’s judgment seat after death… In that place of truth which decision do you wish you’d made? Again, I don’t have the answers, but you do! Because with any challenge, God always gives the resolution if we’re committed to doing his will.

May the Holy Spirit guide you and your boyfriend to green pastures of love, joy and peace.

 

[Eucharisted]

Talk with a priest about your relationship, and resolve to do whatever the priest advices.

 

[sweetbarry90]

Thank you both so much. I was acually able to attend a FOCUS (Fellowship of Catholic University Students) conference on New Years with my boyfriend and we’re made several new resolutions. I came out of the conference with a stronger resolve to keep Christ as the center of the relationship. We’re both practicing Catholics and both want to keep the relationship pure. I did talk with one of the priests during the conference and told him that my boyfriend and I were struggling to keep God first. He told me that everyone falls. Jesus fell three times. This important thing is that we keep getting back up and starting back on the road to Christ.

Every now and then, I keep hearing that little voice in the back of my head. But the more I think about it now, I think it’s just my anxieties and insecurities. My boyfriend has strengthened my relationship with God and led me back to Him everytime I’ve gone astray. I’ve done the same for him in the past, and we believe that with Christ’s help, we can lead each other to Heaven.

Thanks again for your insight.

God Bless

 

[withwind]

I could imagine it is difficult and confusing to you, and it is hard to imagine the one whom you love wants to think about priesthood. But thanks be to God that you both are discovering your relationship with the Lord.

It is nice that you suggest him to do youth ministry, etc…I suggest that you should consider joining some ministry at the church as well - it is a great way to serve people and to grow closer to God.

Please be opened with him and also allow him to express himself regarding the call to the priesthood. If he ever talks about this vocation again, don’t discourage him because you may think he is not to become a priest. He may not become one, but he may be called to seminary to be formed by God and God will guide him more. Seminary is a place for seminarians to discern the vocation, and very importantly to grow, and to develop their relationship with God and with people. Not all seminarians come in because they are all holy, but they come in with different issues and the formation will help them.

Yes, if someone loves that person, one should let him be where God wants him to be. I hope that you two continue to support each other in your relationship with God and in knowing God’s will for you. You two are helping each other closer to God, and this is wonderful. I am not trying to make you worry, but please keep in mind that while two people are brought together in life to grow closer to God, this does not always mean that they will be meant for each other as husband or wife. God can put people in our lives for certain period of time, then call them to go different way toward Him.

If your prayer life and relationship with God gets stronger, it will definitely help you in whatever direction God is calling each of you to take, and your strong prayerful life will keep you hang on to God in difficult time.

You both should have spiritual director.

PS: you are reminding me of my own experience. Please be joyful because God has given you both grace to love Him more.