Is it a sin for someone to separate from his abusive parent if it hurts the family?

[PMV]

I am in a situation right now where I believe I am being emotionally abused by my mother. Assuming that I found a way to separate myself from her by either getting her kicked out of the house, (with the law on my side), or me leaving the house, would it be a sin for me to go about doing this if it means other close members of my family (and other close relatives) getting hurt and possibly separated by this separation? Would it be a sin for me to put a once and for all stop to this emotional abuse rather then accepting it as a cross?

 

[Pacbox]

Abuse in any form is wrong and a sin.

Talk to your mother. Tell her in a tactful and loving way that what she is doing is hurting you. Don’t attack what she’s doing but say that she is saying things that are causing you pain and hurting your relationship with her. Pray. Pray for her and for yourself. Find someone you trust to talk to about this situation. Also, you might need to talk to a counselor/pyschologist. Encourage your mother that she needs to talk to someone about her behavior towards you. Have yourself and your mother talk to a priest. If these measure does not resolve things, then move out but not until you have done these things. If you feel that your life is in danger, then move out now but only if you feel that you are in danger of being physically hurt by her.

Now, I don’t know what age you are but if you are over 18, have a safe place you can go, have financial means of supporting yourself, have emotional and spiritual support, then I say leave. Yes, this will hurt the family but your safety is more important than hurt feelings.

Keep a log of when you think your mother is abusing you. Write down days, times, what she says, what you say, your reaction, if there was anybody else present and if they say anything, etc. This is important if you ever have to prove, say in court, that you are being abused.

 

[Myangel]

PMV:

I am in a situation right now where I believe I am being emotionally abused by my mother. Assuming that I found a way to separate myself from her by either getting her kicked out of the house, (with the law on my side), or me leaving the house, would it be a sin for me to go about doing this if it means other close members of my family (and other close relatives) getting hurt and possibly separated by this separation? Would it be a sin for me to put a once and for all stop to this emotional abuse rather then accepting it as a cross?

OH How I understand where you are coming from. My father is doing exactly this to my mother, emotionally and sometimes I think the physical abuse is coming soon. I still live at home and I am in the process of getting my father to move out. I dont want my parents to separate, however they do get along so much better apart, they have a better marriage, believe it or not. Things between them now are great, thanks to the people at CAF Prayer Requests, however in the past too many fights and arguments and too much abusive has happened.

I am a little confused though, does your mother live with your family or do you live at home with her?

I would find somewhere to live and who knows, you may have a much better relationship with her if you lived away from her. Hope this helps!

 

[wjp984]

while my mom is not abusive she has some mental problems along with an alcohol problem as well as the fact that she stopped believing in God and going to church several years ago. My parents got divorced and the fmaily was a mess but still not nearly as bad as some other people I knew. I finally got the heck out of there once college started and Spring Break was a nightmare coming back trying to deal with the craziness of my mother who just happend to have an episode at the given time. My sister, who is the only one still under 18 has a lot of emotional problems because of our mom as well. Now there are times when my mom is great and she managed to come visit me once and was perfectly normal and also was very helpful in cleaning since my place was a mess and she wanted to help me claen it. However the overall truth is I want to deal with my mom on a limited basis. If I ever have a family one day and I have already warned my mom on this, she is going to only be a very limited part in it as in perhaps I’ll go visit once and a while, if she does not get help and change her ways. Me my brother and sister are going to mostlikely end up in 3 differnt states so she can’t pick all of us at once to bother. The point is, disfunctional familes are a terrible thing but a sad part of life for many people. The only thing that kept my family sane and still does is my dad’s high paying job and wealth.

However, also you have to do what is best for your future while not completely abandoning your mom if that makes sense. Try to support her if at all possible but limit your contact with her. I think I’ll arange with my ciblings to split cost ot something to pay for my mom to live in a nursing home or something if it ever gets to the point where she can’t take care of herself which it probably will get to by the time we all have our own jobs.

Even so, If any good has come out of my disfunctional family, it is that it really had made me become a conservative Catholic and I want to follow the faith as best as possible since I have seen the joy in the few familes I know that have those values and want to model my life after them. I hope all works out for you but there are many many disfunctional families and such and that number is continuing to grow with the divorce rates and everything else. We as Catholics in the new gerneration seriously need to put a stop to it and change things.

 

[PMV]

I’ve tried to talk to my mother in a loving manner about this but she has said more then once that she does not care about my dignity. I will be discussing this situation with someone who I could probably trust soon. I am 17 and am not sure if I’ll be in the position to move out next year.

 

[Pacbox]

Do you have family that you can confide in and possibly move in with for a while?

Now I haven’t personally talked to your mother so I cannot say for cetain but it almost sounds that she has mental health issues which prevents her from seeing her behavior and words as they really are.

Talk to this person you trust. Pray.

I know what it is like to have an emotionally, physically, and spiritually abusive mother. I’m a bit suprised I even gave you the advice to talk to her because I know that if I told my mother about her behavior I’d pretty much get the same response. The only way your mother will change is if she understands and chooses to change herself. You cannot change her so let go of that dream because it can hurt you more in the long run.

Beyond that you have my sympathies.