Is it a sin if I regard this marriage as valid?

[Thomas63116]

Because your friend’s husband was baptized as a Catholic, the Catholic Church would consider him to be bound by canon law requirements, and the fact that they did not marry according to Catholic form would probably be considered as grounds for invalidating the marriage if a tribunal were ever asked to investigate the marriage.

HOWEVER. . . for very good reasons, the Church does not go around declaring to be null the marriages of people who are still living together in legally recognized marriages. Indeed, the Church does not even investigate the possiblity that a marriage was invalid unless a civil divorce has already been granted. I think that each of us as individual Catholics should be very careful not to take it upon ourselves to “play marriage tribunal” and decide whether our friends and family are validly married.

I think this also comes down to a question of why the Church has marriage laws. I don’t think it has them for ends in themselves or to make marriage more difficult. Rather, I think the Church believes that the pre-marital investigation and counseling, and the graces offered through the Sacrament of Marriage, help strengthen the bond between spouses and increase the chances that a marriage will be successful.

Your friend and her husband are at something of a disadvantage because they lack the graces of the sacrament. It sounds like after he was baptized, your friend’s husband didn’t have much education or training in the faith, so he probably doesn’t even realize what he is missing. Ultimately, we have to hope and pray that he will recognize what he is missing out on, and desire to return to a more active practice of his faith. This would inlcude having his marriage regularized with the Church.

As their friend, I think you are more likely to lead them to this goal through a positive example, lots of love and support, and possibly some gentle persuasion; these will probably be far more effective than any suggestions that their marrige is invalid, that they are commiting adultery, that their children would be illegetimate, etc.

 

[erigby27]

On a similar note:

How should we deal with people who are remarried? My current boyfriend’s parents are both remarried. Unfortunately, my boyfriend is very reticent about the details of his family history. I don’t pry, of course, but I also have certain curiosities. What I have pieced together is this: I know that both of his parents were raised Catholic. However, at some point early on during his parents’ marriage, his father left the Church and became an Evangelical/Non-Denominational Christian. His mother considers herself Catholic, but does not attend Church and was never very enthusiastic about her religion and allowed his father to raise the children as Evangelical Protestants. Now his father is remarried to another Evangelical, and his mother is remarried to another lapsed Catholic.

I have until now been of course been extremely troubled by this situation, but have treated these second spouses as actual spouses as it seemed the only prudent thing to do. Should I really be acting towards these people as if their marriages are not valid (which I realize they are not)?

I guess my question is this: when you deal with someone who is remarried, must you refer to their spouse in a way that makes it clear that you do not recognize the validity of the marriage? On this website, when dealing with a person involved in a long-term same sex relationships (in which he or she would refer to the other member of the relationship as his or her “partner”), apologists have referred to the other member as a “friend” of the person they are dealing with. By using this term, the apologist makes it clear that they do not recognize the validity of that relationship and do not consider it a marriage. Is that how we must refer to the members of invalid second marriages (in which no annulment was granted for the prior marriages)? As “friends”? This seems imprudent, no? Even if it seems imprudent, I don’t want to commit scandal by giving the impression that I approve of their living situation, because I definitely don’t. They have four children and they had no business getting divorced (as I know there was no abuse or endangerment) and certainly no business getting remarried with no annulment. Their poor children have been severely damaged by this self-serving behavior. In many ways they have set their children up for failure in future relationships. I realize that I am being very judgmental, but I am so troubled and angered by the effect this has had on my boyfriend and his siblings.

Your thoughts?

 

[ditch]

It bothers me as it should you that the catholic religion thinks of themselves so highly. So snobby & pompas, as if God chose you over all others. It’s absurd that you would judge someone as in this thread, about how you think their marriage is invalid because it didn’t happen in the catholic church, they must be commiting adultery etc. Isn’t the common denominator here that we are christians, that we believe in God? Shouldn’t we try to love one another, just a little?

 

[jenlovesyu]

It bothers me as it should you that the catholic religion thinks of themselves so highly. So snobby & pompas, as if God chose you over all others. It’s absurd that you would judge someone as in this thread, about how you think their marriage is invalid because it didn’t happen in the catholic church, they must be commiting adultery etc. Isn’t the common denominator here that we are christians, that we believe in God? Shouldn’t we try to love one another, just a little?

First of all, I am not judging anyone. My Church has very strong beliefs regarding marriage and I was just searching for some clarification on them. I am not sitting here saying my friends are “bad” people or condemning them to Hell. Judgement is God’s job and no one else’s. I’m sure a lot of non-Christians think all Christians are “snobby & pompas” because Jesus did say that no one comes to the Father except through Him.

If you had a friend who was having sexual relations outside of marriage would it really be “loving” to say “whatever makes you happy!!!” ? Sex outside of marriage is not just spiritually dangerous, it is also damaging to one’s physical, emotional and psychological health. Friends just don’t let friends harm themselves.

I don’t think it is very Christian to call other Christians “snobby & pompas” just because you find fault in their beliefs. You have every right to have your beliefs and opinions just like me and every one else on these forums. I am a person, however, who would rather base my beliefs off of facts and not on my personal, subjective interpretation of something so important such as the Holy Bible. You owe it to yourself to do the research my friend. There is only one institution that can trace herself all the way back to Jesus. It’s not a matter of pride or being snobby, it’s a straight up fact.

I pray God will bless you.