Is it a sin to not be married?

[bernadetta1]

My boyfriend (20) and I (19 going on 20) have been together for a over 2 years, we’re long distance. Because of this, temptation is admittedly stronger than a normal couple. Would it be a mortal sin to continue to be unmarried for much longer? It just seems like there’s a point in a relationship where sinful thoughts are unavoidable even with prayer. Being married within the next year and a half is not impossible, since he is joining the military and there are colleges I can finish at near the likely bases he’ll be stationed. Thank you for your help

 

[Irishmom2]

I am not sure what you are really asking. How can it be a sin to not be married?

I think your boyfriend should get through his service years and you through college before you marry. If your relationship is mostly long distance, I wonder if you really know each other well enough yet. Anyway, the military and college will change both of you. Decide after you are both finished will give you a better insight into how you will both be as adults.

 

[Viki63]

A mortal sin requires 3 things: grave matter, full knowledge of what you’re doing, and full consent of the will.
Not getting married yet might be a strong temptation, but isn’t a mortal sin because what are you doing that’s sinful?
I strongly suggest that you talk to a priest together, if possible, about your situation.
As Irishmom suggests, waiting until you’re a little older might be a good idea. You will both have matured a lot over the next 2 years.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

No, it’s not a sin just because you are tempted. In fact, it’s prudent to not get married yet because you are so young and you do not want to hear this, but you have a whole lot of growing up and maturing to do.

Temptation is there for EVERY couple trying to remain chaste. Yes, impure thoughts are going to happen but it is only a sin if you purposely dwell on them.

You only feel like your temptation is harder then non long distant couples because the grass always seems greener on the other side but it’s hard for anyone trying to remain chaste with a boyfriend/girlfriend

 

[Norseman82]

My boyfriend (20) and I (19 going on 20) have been together for a over 2 years, we’re long distance. Because of this, temptation is admittedly stronger than a normal couple. Would it be a mortal sin to continue to be unmarried for much longer? It just seems like there’s a point in a relationship where sinful thoughts are unavoidable even with prayer. Being married within the next year and a half is not impossible, since he is joining the military and there are colleges I can finish at near the likely bases he’ll be stationed. Thank you for your help

I presume part of the reason for this question is that you read 1 Corinthians 7?

Personally, I would think that long-distance would provide less temptation (at least physical temptation) for you two than a “local” relationship, unless you are worried about either of you being tempted by someone “local”.

However, part of marriage is a period of “discernment” with the person you eventually marry, so don’t stress out about not being married during this period, since this can be considered part of the marriage process.

If you two do discern that you should marry, and you are still worry about delaying marriage due to temptations, there are two people you need to discuss this with:

1. Your confessor.
2. The priest who conducts your marriage prep.

 

[JanR]

I was taught that a mortal sin involves four elements – the three you named and also the actual act of doing it (or not doing it, in the case of a sin of omission).

It’s good advice to finish military service and college, and get these distractions behind you so you can concentrate on your relationship, no longer being distant. But not being married is certainly NO sin – as long as you keep those four elements in mind.

In order to sin, it has to be wrong, you have to know it’s wrong, you have to have full intent and free will consent to do it, and finally, you have to actually do it. That’s what I learned in my childhood catechism classes. And our priest recently concurred with that, so that teaching appears to be the same today
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