Let me ease you suffering assuming you have issues. The Catholic Church full of sinners. We are all striving, hopefully, to convert to the fullness of Christ. Bishops, priests, deacons, religious and laity all fall short of the glory of God. My grandmother taught me something when in 1979 that I never really understood until recently after returning back to Catholicism. “Don’t live on the shirt tails of priests”. I had an unhealthy view of the clergy in that in my view they could and would not do wrong. That turned out to be a very false assumption… I went to the seminary and discovered many problems. But that doesn’t make the Church false. It means there are men and women who are not always faithful to the teachings of the Church. My wife has converted recently after we studied the Catechism of the Catholic Church and for me mainly discovered the ancient church fathers online…and actually read much of the main ones that brought a deep pain and anxiet to my heart causing me to convert…repent from my sin of joining a Protestant faith known as the Church of Christ that believe they are the one true Church founded by Christ. My excuse is that my mom was a non-denominational Christian that allowed me to attend church of Christ events in my youth prior to knowing anything about Catholicism other than vague memories of the old mass in Latin. Maybe even the TLM. I didn’t know any Catholicism beyond memories of 3 or 4 years of age. I had no idea… Enought of me…let me tell you about our Pastor.
He told my wife, a convert of 2 years now, that his mother wanted to go back to her old Presbyterian roots many times. She was isolated and felt all alone in the world. Her husband was gone for some time - war mabe…I clarify that later on once I ask my wife. But he said this occured for over 10 years… She dies just a year ago. He’s been mourning over her death ever since. Many priests are very close to their mothers…expected. You are not alone if this is what is tempting you. I would suggest you locate a Catholic book /gift store and order or purchase a copy of the “Christian Prayer Book”… Read the Liturgy of the Hours as often as you can get yourself to do it. It will help strengthen your faith. Another thing is to dedicate at least one hour per week praying before the Blessed Sacrament… It will help you as well…even more…if you do it regularly.
Ipray forfolkslike you and my wife…also people like myself, fallen away and reverts. We all need mercy.
