Is it a sin to talk about your spouse to your parents and close friends?

[Logic101]

I had no idea that what I am doing is a grave sin. Is this true? So, when a spouse is being verbally abused, that person cannot tell anyone except a priest. I have called my mother time after time in tears over many things that my spouse has said about me. This is a grave sin??? This just doesn’t make sense. I feel soooo alone. I need help and my mother has a similar situation with my dad. So, this is wrong for me to turn to her??? I just don’t understand. The friend I told also has a similar situation with her spouse and she offers me comfort. My spouse frequently criticizes me. I have trouble coping with it.

As the arguments occur, I discuss my feelings with my spouse and I try to forgive him for the things that he has said about me (and through an act of will I do - the feelings just stay for awile). He just has a volatile temper and will often fly off the handle throwing things, reprimanding me, and calling me names. No physical abuse - don’t worry.

The main reason that I feel uncomfortable about telling my mother and friend is primarily that I feel sorrow over the situation and hate that the situation is what it is. I am primarily seeking advice from the select few that I tell. How should I react??? I try to correct my spouse when he calls me names, and, for the time, he will apologize but the same critical remarks return in later arguments. I also try to avoid situations that will provoke his comments.

I will confess this to my priest but I had no idea that I was guilty of grave sin. I was thinking venial at most . . .

You can turn to your mother for help and comfort! You can even tell her of your situation and what your husband does but it has to be done out of Charity toward your spouse, yourself, others, and especially if you suffer this situation with love and patience expecting that you husband will change with God’s help; God might send a grace for His conversion because of you merits, fidelity, and love! Everybody has their crosses and this is yours! It is always good to resolve problems of any sorts only with the person involved and not other(keep this in mind)!

Did you talk to your mother and friend in the past, suffering and with love about your situation or with criticism, dislike and hate about your husband! If you both suffer (you & mother) and love them after what they have done to both of you than there is no sin and you advise each others on how to fix the problem than there is no sin! If you come together to criticize, make fun of them, or to point out their grave sins and label them with names than would be a sin because it is not done for Charity (God), if this is done with full knowledge and consent of the will than it would come close to being a mortal sin! Hope this helps!

To make it easier for you: You husband is a perfect example of people who are not in the state of grace because one of the key missing virtues in them is Charity! Now Charity an infused virtue by God in baptism can be lost over night if a person commits Mortal Sin!
If both parties are not in the state of grace, God is not obliged to help you, (Imagine 2 people dying that night; God who is infinite Justice does not need to forgive sins that are grave in nature, done with full knowledge and consent of the will); than you can only hope to receive graces from loyal souls that pray and suffer for the conversion of sinners, or because God is also boundless Mercy and might send you yet another grace!

You should act with love and charity showing him also justice that awaits those people like Him! This is absolutely a mortal sin; married people are very close to each other in a special bond and any kind of abuse that goes within marriage is very wrong and God will abuse them for all eternity (Hell) if they don’t change!

His feelings (anger), and temper outbursts are nothing else than a sign that He has no peace of conscience and soul (psyche) and a person that has no peace in himself has no God!!! His outbursts are torments He has within himself! He must go to confession, not only go to confession but make a good confession otherwise sins will not be forgiven and the state of grace will not be granted! His soul is sick!

Terapists and Psychologist can sometimes know what is wrong and advise you how to change but they can not heal the interior of the soul, only God can do this!

If it becomes very serious to your faith you can even separate (to teach him a lesson) but not remarry or indulge in any thoughts of the sort for it would be adultery!

 

[Logic101]

If you simply ask him why he does what he does and send me I can tell you more specifically what to do!? If he says that he doesn’t know why he does it and sometimes he only feels this anger and rage and any little thing makes him irritable, defensive and angry; it is exactly what I told you before; his interior is sick.

In these situations the demons use this chance to even tempt him more toward anger and they work toward divorcing spouses to create even greater devastations in society and families! Any temptation comes with strong suggestions and feelings that must be wilfully rejected through prayer! In his case it is temptation to anger, and who knows what else he feels on the inside (psyche)!

In some cases they tempt to increase the punishment of the person committing sins and to make everybody suffer since they (demons) are completely evil!

Is your husband a practising catholic or has he stopped going to Church and receiving Sacraments?

 

[Logic101]

So, I went to confession today. The priest didn’t seem to have a problem that I had “vented” to my mother and friend about the name calling.

I would look for a therapist but I need a recommendation. There are so many therapists that do not know what they are doing. I had an extreme challenge finding a therapist for my son’s ADHD situation and, I wasn’t satisfied in the end with the one we went with.

The only person that I have found helpful was Dr. Ray Guarendi’s show. He is so sensible. Can anyone recommend a Dr. Ray - type therapist in the Houston area?

Not every priest understands all sins and what kind it belongs to! Doesn’t you conscience tell you that name calling is wrong. If not, then you have a twisted conscience that has to be straightened out!

 

[houston1]

I have to wonder though if you presented the situation similarly to the way you stated it in your OP and didn’t disclose the more troubling details like you did in a later post in this thread. I would find it troubling that a priest would give you the same advice if you had disclosed the abusiving details you later revealed to us here at the forum.

In confession, I actually presented the situation actually like my OP with very little detail due to time. I read the Jimmy Akin blog that another poster put and I trust Jimmy Akin very much. He is one of the regular hosts of CA live and I defer very much to his wisdom. Whether or not it was a good/bad idea to tell my mother and friend, I am mainly interested in whether or not it is a sin.

 

[houston1]

Not every priest understands all sins and what kind it belongs to! Doesn’t you conscience tell you that name calling is wrong. If not, then you have a twisted conscience that has to be straightened out!

Logic,

Thanks for your interest in my situation. The name calling is that my husband will call *me *names and say demeaning things like “you’re so selfish” when we get into one of these arguments. My husband is a well meaning man. He just has a poor self image and tries to berate me so that I will also have a similar one of myself (I think - that’s the best I can do at analyzing the “why” he does it).

In the past month, I have encouraged him to go to confession (on another matter) and he has done so at my encouragment. I do think he loves me. He also goes to Mass and receives the Eucharist. He has only missed Mass 3 times in his life, and one was when his father was dying. I grew up Protestant and he was instrumental in my conversion.

This situation is somewhat complicated in that my husband will apologize for calling me names, etc. and I do really think he thinks I *need *the correction. He doesn’t think that I am as good of parent as I should be and that I don’t give our son as much attention as he should have. That’s why he is constantly “on me.” I think my husband caters to our son too much, hence the conflict.

 

[Logic101]

Then, you both are very immature and you need to grow up! Well if you are selfish than you should give more to others and in this case to your family so that he is not tempted to sin! Being selfish is wrong and he is right! But to call you names that is wrong and you should tell him! But I see that He didn’t call you names, he just said “you’re so selfish”

That is not a sin(or a venial sin at most), actually it is Charity for he is trying to make you a better person!

If you are sensitive when he said this it just means that your conscience is already reproaching you about this by itself and when he adds a comment the weight in your conscience increases more and this hurts you!

So you are guilty it seems to me of the sin of selfishness! Love others as yourself not less, not more!
What does it matter if someone goes to Mass and receives the Eucharist when one can receive the Sacrament sacrilegiously!

Well he is right, you son is you biggest responsibility and he (your son should have lots of attention)!
Here is a good link for examination of conscience!
youtube.com/watch?v=jqVZZSN9Vhw

 

[Logic101]

If you approach you husband in these situation with love and especially with humility than he will see that you really care and love him! You will see an immediate change in him!
Make sure you don’t make any excuses in the confessional but sins must be said as recognized by your conscience! Mortal sins to kind and number! Sins of other people must not be confessed! Do not yield to temptation! If you lie or consciously do not tell a sin than you committed a sacrilege!

If the Sacrament was received worthily than the state of grace is granted: infused virtue of Charity returned! I don’t understand how can you not agree and get along with this infused virtue in you and especially with the reception of the Eucharist! Charity if active produces affections of love and goodness, temperance, humility, fortitude, patience, knowledge, and all the virtues that the living Jesus (Eucharist) brings, since it is God!

bardstown.com/~brchrys/BrkBread.html

 

[houston1]

Then, you both are very immature and you need to grow up! Well if you are selfish than you should give more to others and in this case to your family so that he is not tempted to sin! Being selfish is wrong and he is right! But to call you names that is wrong and you should tell him! But I see that He didn’t call you names, he just said “you’re so selfish”

That is not a sin(or a venial sin at most), actually it is Charity for he is trying to make you a better person!

If you are sensitive when he said this it just means that your conscience is already reproaching you about this by itself and when he adds a comment the weight in your conscience increases more and this hurts you!

So you are guilty it seems to me of the sin of selfishness! Love others as yourself not less, not more!
What does it matter if someone goes to Mass and receives the Eucharist when one can receive the Sacrament sacrilegiously!

Well he is right, you son is you biggest responsibility and he (your son should have lots of attention)!
Here is a good link for examination of conscience!
youtube.com/watch?v=jqVZZSN9Vhw

No, he did call me a name, too, but I cannot post it on CAF because it is profane. With all due respect, I don’t think this is the proper forum to be analyzing my particular situation. It seems that you are jumping to conclusions based on the limited pieces of information that I am providing. It is hard to convey the true status of the situation in this forum. Thanks for your concern.