Is it a sin to tell a stalker your seeing someone?

[Elizabeth502]

An old boyfriend actually gave me some really good advice when it comes to giving men the brush off. He said it’s always best to be very direct. Just tell the guy you are not interested in him. Don’t leave any room for doubt or wishful thinking.

Telling a man you have a boyfriend makes him think, “well, if it weren’t for the boyfriend then she would go out with me”. That’s the problem with excuses, he’ll take them to mean that you are interested *except for * whatever ‘excuse’ you give. So it’s always best just to be upfront.

I cannot advocate such advice. One would have to know the personality and behavior patterns of your stalker quite well to count on this. It may sound good in theory, but it often backfires IRL. Such “information” will often inflame a stalker, providing the fuel and excuse, and rage, for heightened action. He suddenly then has two challenges to conquer: the female and another male. Puts the female prize in a higher category of urgency, because it adds the element of competition. The background of crime statistics backs me up on this.

 

[RachelsAlumni]

I cannot advocate such advice. …Such “information” will often inflame a stalker, providing the fuel and excuse, and rage, for heightened action.

I disagree. I think the best advice offered in this thread was this one, which is consistent with what I have heard:

Telling this man that you have a boyfriend won’t make any difference. He is not just some guy with a creepy crush - he has crossed the line into physical assault. In his mind “I have a boyfriend” could be twisted into “I like sex and you can have me, too.” Seriously - don’t play any games with this person.

You need to take this very, very seriously.

You need to be very, very clear. Don’t just say “I need to get back to work” or pretend you have a boyfriend… crazy people like this will think you’re playing hard-to-get, at best. Please be very clear on that.

You MUST say “Don’t touch me” or “Go away” and “If you do that again, I will call the police.” Be hard. Be mean. ***Don’t apologize or try to spare his feelings. If you do, then you are telling him “I’m a victim and you can mess with me.” **You really must be a bll-breaking ***** in regards to this man. Hard. Cold. Unyielding.

…Be calm, be firm, and be ruthless… and if he doesn’t immediately go away, call the police. Call the police every time you see him.

Never talk to this man, again. You must be utterly consistent and unyielding. Google “how to handle a stalker” and get more advice.

My employer offered a rape prevention class to the night shift employees. This is one of the things they taught us. We should make ourselves as threatening and difficult as possible. When approached by a stranger and they get within your circle of space you are to yell as loud and forcefully as possible “BACK OFF”! Use your voice as a weapon. Attackers are basically cowardly people seek to feel power is by victimizing others. When you become a threat to them, then the coward will retreat and look for an easier target.

 

[HOPEFUL_IN_UK]

Thanks again for the advice! Today I worked in the morning, unlike most of the time when I work at night. I told my boss about it because I see him for about 10 minutes before switching shifts. We have an office which has a lock on it and a phone inside, so if I see him or if the cashier sees him pull up we are to call him immediatly and since he lives close by he is going to stop over. If anything happens, I have no problem calling the cops, I also have a little keychain pepper spray that Im going to start keeping in my pocket for now on. I didnt realize how dangerous is was having only two girls on at night, Im going to keep an eye out though and keep the phone handy. The cops are not even 5 minutes down the road, and usually one is either across the street or in the same parking lot. Im rather nervous to go to work tomorrow night, but im just going to be cautious and Im glad I know what kind of car he drives. If something happens though, Im going to talk to my boss about getting a restraining order and having him out of the store for good. Im glad I posted, because lying doesnt make sense anymore, like someone said if he is stalking me, hes not going to care about any story I say. Thanks for the advice though. Im deffinatly going to be more careful at work though and be on the lookout for this person. I wont be afraid to call the cops either.

I am soooo glad you’re taking this seriously and that your boss is supportive!

 

[shannyk]

This is extremely poor advice. Nothing in
the OP’s question indicated this was an issue
of standing up for the Faith. You have urged someone
to put themselves in jeopardy of being killed based on
your skewed idea of death as a ‘‘reward.’’ This isn’t about
maintaining virtue, this is about reasonable self-protection!

Yes! And the OP has a moral obligation to protect herself from harm. She’s not a doormat, she’s a child of God and her right to life and safety trumps big time this guys ‘right’ to be told the truth. In my view, he assaulted her, and nothing less than calling the police should have been done. This isn’t about defending her faith this about defending her life!

Sorry , I know I’m late coming in this thread but I just had to say something!