Is it a turnoff if the other person tries to preach to you?

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SomeCatholicGuy

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Given that you’re already Catholic. Would that be a turnoff to you? Do you think it’s condescending to do so? Thanks in advance!
 
I don’t think I understand.

You mean if someone is teaching me God’s word? Or condemning something I’ve done?

I don’t like when other faiths try to convert me…
 
YES!

I’ve SO been in that situation, and yes, it’s insulting.

And the “preacher” was/is fully aware of my commitment and dedication to the faith…

Definitely a turnoff! 🙂
 
thenewmrssears said:
I don’t think I understand.

You mean if someone is teaching me God’s word? Or condemning something I’ve done?

I don’t like when other faiths try to convert me…
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Hi thenewmrssears. Sorry if I wasn’t clear. Both are Catholic. I wouldn’t call it teaching or condemning, but more like knowledge-sharing. What I’m trying to understand is whether that would come across as being offensive or too aggressive.
 
I’m always amazed how much I still don’t know about my faith. If someone was sharing an insight in a positive way or entertaining a discussion about the faith, I would personally find that interesting. If they were trying some back door approach to telling me that something I was doing was in opposition to church teaching–again it would depend on from whom the message was coming and their approach. I suppose we always have to be open to constructive criticism that’s offered judiciously. Public floggings tend to turn almost anybody off.
 
Em_in_FL said:
YES!

I’ve SO been in that situation, and yes, it’s insulting.

And the “preacher” was/is fully aware of my commitment and dedication to the faith…

Definitely a turnoff! 🙂
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I agree with you. I have been on the receiving end of this, and I must say that I was a bit annoyed with it; however, I’m afraid I may have subconsciously/inadvertently done it to someone else. If you don’t mind me asking, what would you have wanted the other person to have done to “unruffle” the feathers, so to speak?
 
I think it depends. If it was a topic where I wasn’t as familiar I would welcome the information even if the delivery wasn’t great.

If it is something that I am obviously well-schooled in, I would probably be slightly offended and say kindly that I am knowledgeable in that topic.

I have mixed feelings on it. As long as the person is well-intentioned who am I to judge how it is delivered? Some people don’t realize that they sound so condescending.
 
If I’ve asked for their counsel/advice, then no, I would not mind.

If I’ve not asked, then yes I would mind. Preachy people are truly annoying to me. Unless one leads a totally sinless life, I do not expect to hear them calling me out on my sins!
 
Island_Oak said:
I’m always amazed how much I still don’t know about my faith. If someone was sharing an insight in a positive way or entertaining a discussion about the faith, I would personally find that interesting. If they were trying some back door approach to telling me that something I was doing was in opposition to church teaching–again it would depend on from whom the message was coming and their approach. I suppose we always have to be open to constructive criticism that’s offered judiciously. Public floggings tend to turn almost anybody off.
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I love conversations about the faith… but when it has a sense of “holier than thou” it turns into a preachy lesson.
SomeCatholicGuy said:
I agree with you. I have been on the receiving end of this, and I must say that I was a bit annoyed with it; however, I’m afraid I may have subconsciously/inadvertently done it to someone else. If you don’t mind me asking, what would you have wanted the other person to have done to “unruffle” the feathers, so to speak?
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Honestly, a simple, genuine apology would be perfect.
Leaving the impression of being “better” than another is the problem… even (or especially) in faith. I’d just give an outright apology… “Hey, I’m sorry if I came off in a preachy way. I really shouldn’t be talking like that.”… and go into detail with whatever your conversation was about…
 
SomeCatholicGuy said:
Given that you’re already Catholic. Would that be a turnoff to you? Do you think it’s condescending to do so? Thanks in advance!
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Depends. If I got it coming or if the person didn’t know I were Catholic, there would be nothing to be offended about. If the person is right, there’s little to be offended about either. If it were some bizarre self-arrived conclusions, I’d be weirded out more than offended. A turn-off would be to try to force something non-obligatory on me or educate me about basic stuff.
 
It depends on the attitude they adopt when they start. For example, I am frequently the target of busybodies wanting to explain to me why I should get married, frequently using religious texts (and dismissing St. Paul as a misogynist) to convince me that marriage is an essential stepping stone to heaven. In fact, I ran head-on into that at Cursillo, and fortunately was in company with four other single women who collectively faced down the preacher on this subject.

On the other hand, as a new Catholic (one year today!) I have made errors in judgment through ignorance and do not mind a bit having more knowledgeable Catholics point out where I went wrong or helping me to clarify a position when necessary.

But it all depends on the attitude the person adopts. I have no time for Sister Bertha Better Than You.
 
SomeCatholicGuy said:
Given that you’re already Catholic. Would that be a turnoff to you? Do you think it’s condescending to do so? Thanks in advance!
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I only overtly discuss my faith online, here. In public, I try to exemplify it. As a disciple of Christ, I try to actively monitor my every thought and deed. Sometimes I slip up, but I’ve made immeasurable progress over the last several years. 👍
 
Island Oak:
If someone was sharing an insight in a positive way or entertaining a discussion about the faith, I would personally find that interesting. If they were trying some back door approach to telling me that something I was doing was in opposition to church teaching - again it would depend on from whom the message was coming and their approach. I suppose we always have to be open to constructive criticism that’s offered judiciously. Public floggings tend to turn almost anybody off.
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Your summary sums up my views, too.

Great put offs for me include:

  1. *]assuming I am ignorant about the topic being discussed - I may be but on the other hand I may not be

    *]assuming I have not thought about the topic - especially when I have

    *]not answering my questions just repeating their views

    *]not being prepared to discuss the “why” including why they hold the beliefs they do

    *]not respecting my boundaries - especially when I say I need to think about this before we talk more or I do not want to talk about this at all.
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    Appleby:
    It depends on the attitude they adopt when they start. For example, I am frequently the target of busybodies wanting to explain to me why I should get married, frequently using religious texts (and dismissing St. Paul as a misogynist) to convince me that marriage is an essential stepping stone to heaven. In fact, I ran head-on into that at Cursillo, and fortunately was in company with four other single women who collectively faced down the preacher on this subject…

    I …do not mind a bit having more knowledgeable Catholics point out where I went wrong or helping me to clarify a position when necessary.

    But it all depends on the attitude the person adopts. I have no time for Sister Bertha Better Than You.
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    Appleby, it is interesting that many people think they have the right to interrogate the unmarried about their status (and also the married who do not have children). But ask them why they are married and you are either told how great it is (a fine response) or “why are you asking such a personal question” (unacceptable as if you ask me such a personal question why can’t I too.)
 
YES – it is completely and totally a turn off.

Even in a just friend’s scenario.

Show by example.
 
While we members of Judeo-Christian society might believe in the same, general, religious precepts, our discussion of the details of such often reveals tremendous disagreement. This is why I don’t delve into theological detail. I’m Catholic. That’s all anybody has to know, if even that much.
 
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