Is it ALWAYS wrong to sleep with somebody else (even WITHOUT sex)?

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I understand some of you who say there’s nothing wrong with it, but I can’t help but think there is. My dad always said that if my girlfriend and I slept together and managed not to have sex, we’d be the first couple to do so since Mary and Joseph. It’s just one of those things that happens, especially in today’s society. I think that at the end of the day, sleeping together is wrong because it can lead to sex.

One problem I then have is how far can I go with that? I live in a college dorm, so I have a bed to lay down on and desk to sit at. If I wanna watch a movie with someone, I’m laying down, because its practical. Should that be considered on the same level as sleeping with somebody? If we are ‘cuddling’ and watching a movie, I really see nothing wrong with it. But I think there is definitely a difference between that and sleeping together overnight.

I have yet to hear an official church statement on this. There is nothing saying cuddling is wrong. There is nothing saying specifically that sleeping together w/o sex is wrong. Does the church not have a strict, official statement on these exact questions? Or is it left up to the ‘occasion of sin’ debate?
 
rusty20 said:
I understand some of you who say there’s nothing wrong with it, but I can’t help but think there is. My dad always said that if my girlfriend and I slept together and managed not to have sex, we’d be the first couple to do so since Mary and Joseph. It’s just one of those things that happens, especially in today’s society. I think that at the end of the day, sleeping together is wrong because it can lead to sex.

One problem I then have is how far can I go with that? I live in a college dorm, so I have a bed to lay down on and desk to sit at. If I wanna watch a movie with someone, I’m laying down, because its practical. Should that be considered on the same level as sleeping with somebody? If we are ‘cuddling’ and watching a movie, I really see nothing wrong with it. But I think there is definitely a difference between that and sleeping together overnight.

I have yet to hear an official church statement on this. There is nothing saying cuddling is wrong. There is nothing saying specifically that sleeping together w/o sex is wrong. Does the church not have a strict, official statement on these exact questions? Or is it left up to the ‘occasion of sin’ debate?
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I reckon your girlfriend must be a saint to put up with you.

Just be a man and make a decision. If you think you can’t hold out being around her, then break it off, or just meet her in public with others around.

If you can hold out, then sleep with her (your dad isn’t you). Whatever you do make a freak’n decision and stick with it. All this constant pondering would drive anyone to distraction.
 
rusty20 said:
If we are ‘cuddling’ and watching a movie, I really see nothing wrong with it.
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Yeah as long as you’re very careful there’s nothing wrong with that, well I’ve done it with a girl I’m friends with and not going out with and it was completely fine, I just made the mistake of telling my (then) housemates who were like ‘wooo, you had sex with her’ and all sorts of rubbish like that
 
To the OP:

The simple answer is not always, as Katie1723 said. To answer the question of this particular set of circumstances, you need to answer these questions:

Why do I want to sleep with her?

What do I gain by sleeping with her?

Does sleeping with her bring us closer to God, closer to sin, or neither?

It sounds to me like the answer to the first two questions is “pleasure”. That kind of pleasure is reserved for marriage, in my opinion. To answer the third question: while you may not be directly disobeying God, I think intentionally placing yourself in a situation in which you are much more likely to sin without a better reason than “pleasure” is bringing you closer to sin, if anything.

Further, it sounds to me like some posters here are looking for a loophole rather than the Christ-like approach. I think a person with a properly formed conscience would not put themselves in this situation.
 
Caesar517 said:
Further, it sounds to me like some posters here are looking for a loophole rather than the Christ-like approach. I think a person with a properly formed conscience would not put themselves in this situation.
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Agreed. Thanks!
 
I think there are exceptions. I once spent a whole week sharing a bed with a female friend (I am male) who was visiting from out of town. Nothing happened…not so much as a kiss. It was 100% platonic. It is possible. Was this still a sin? There wasn’t even any degree of physical contact…it was a big bed.
 
twf said:
I think there are exceptions. I once spent a whole week sharing a bed with a female friend (I am male) who was visiting from out of town. Nothing happened…not so much as a kiss. It was 100% platonic. It is possible. Was this still a sin? There wasn’t even any degree of physical contact…it was a big bed.
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To me…that wouldn’t be necessarily sinful, but only if you are absolutely sure there are absolutely no feelings there to begin with, which it sounds like there weren’t in this case.

Just me, personally…I would still feel a little gross about it…even though I’m not sure it would be sinful. I mean, I wouldn’t even feel appropriate sharing a large bed with my sister, even though it’s totally innocent between siblings, it just doesn’t come off right.
 
Wyatt said:
Just me, personally…I would still feel a little gross about it…even though I’m not sure it would be sinful. I mean, I wouldn’t even feel appropriate sharing a large bed with my sister, even though it’s totally innocent between siblings, it just doesn’t come off right.
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Feel a little “gross”?
What do you mean?
 
thomfra said:
Feel a little “gross”?
What do you mean?
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I think he’s trying to say that sleeping with somebody is ‘special’ and it feels weird sharing it with somebody who you do not have strong romantic feelings for.
 
CuriousInIL said:
I have heard many say this and I always ask the same question in response and have never gotten a realistic and satifying answer.
What is this sin that you are refernecing? What is it called? What command does it violate? Is there a CCC reference that supports the idea?
Please separate the “oneself” situation from the “another” situation and address them separately.
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It’s simply called Temptation. We are fallen creatures and we will go for it every time.

'Go to a whore house for tea? Surf the Porno sites for font sizes?
Call the sex-line for the weather forecast?
------… Sleeping with your girlfirend but no touching???
Just who are you kidding.?..Certainly not God.

You don’t need to be a Christian to know this; I’d say it is instinctive knowledge with most folk - fire burns!
 
No one has addressed the matter of being a bad example.

Even if you and your “significant other” are strong enough to sleep together without being tempted by sex, you are presenting a bad example - or even becoming a near occasion of sin for others.

What if someone says, “If Mr X and his girl, miss Y, can sleep together chastely, then so can we!” - and then falls? You will carry some of the blame.

Or someone could hear you claim to be a good Catholic, but assume that you are doing what comes naturally when a loving couple is in bed together… need I say more?

(This is not aimed at Rusty, who has made the right decision! The rest of you near-occasioners, read my sig line!)

Ruthie
 
rusty20 said:
So the act itself is NOT sinful, but because it can lead to sin it is problematic. If we assume that a couple can avoid temptation (a big assumption) is there nothing wrong then?
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Giving scandal is a sin. It doesn’t matter if nothing happens. It can become even more of a sin if others sin as a result of your scandal. Another person might see that you are spending the night together and think “That guy is Catholic and he even spends the night with his girlfriend, it must not be a big deal for Catholics,” or something along that line.

Scandal can become even a mortal sin, if you lead others to sin mortally.
 
I don’t understand one aspect of the scandal argument. It seems people on this thread are saying sleeping with your significant other (without sex) is always wrong because a) you will fall into sin or b) you will cause scandal. If “a” isn’t the case (and many have acknowledged that this is possible), why must we assume “b” applies to all situations? I really don’t know how anyone would know your girlfriend is sleeping over at your house…unless you’re in a really small town or all your neighbours watch you on a regular basis. Let’s be realistic…if my girlfriend slept at my house one random night (hypothetically speaking), there isn’t a soul who would care or notice…
 
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