Is it bad that I want to 'fix' my appearance?

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mrajax

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Having spent the last year or so of my life fixing my social awkwardness and noticing that no, not only am I not alone but that there are people who are way worse than me when it comes to suffering from social/psychological issues, I’ve taken up the job of trying to not alter my appearance mind you but ‘fixing it’.

To elaborate, I quit wearing casual things all the time and started dressing smarter more casually (i.e. avoiding the wearing of tracksuits and wearing things like smart shirts and sweaters), decided to lose weight in order to get rid of my gut and in future, I have the desire to remove this ugly unibrow of mine, take more care of my skin and fixing my acne, along with the usual stuff of brushing my teeth.

The problem is that I have this feeling of embarrassment doing these things. I was never someone who care for fashion and even today you would never ever see me wearing things like bermudas or shorts or the latest fashionable slipper because simply put I feel weird wearing bermudas. At the same time, the fact that I’ve been wearing the same clothes for the past 6 years with very little new additions being made is a cause of embarrassment for me; I’m dread going outside because I have such a small variety when it comes to wearing clothes I am comfortable with and we’re so financially strapped now I don’t see a cange in my wardrobe being possible anytime soon.

As for my ‘face faults’, I know skin care is good and all but I’m scared of what people will think of me if they notice that I’m taking more care on my appearance. I don’t want to be the guy who is obsessed with his own looks but I don’t want to look bad either.

My biggest problem lies in both my smile and my voice though. I seldom ever smile except if I’m around friends who seem closer to me than others or if I’m in a conversation. As for my voice, it’s truely a terrible thing to hear. It’s thin and hoarse at the same time. It is more tolerable when it sounds low but sounds ridiculous when I speak louder.

My question: is it so bad that I want to fix my appearance, get more in shape etc… and do I have a reason to be ashamed? I feel that the reason I am doing so, so that I may look more approachable especially to women, to look more attractive etc… is bad because I feel it’s a bad reason to do so. Could it be that I don’t trust myself that much?
 
mrajax said:
Having spent the last year or so of my life fixing my social awkwardness and noticing that no, not only am I not alone but that there are people who are way worse than me when it comes to suffering from social/psychological issues, I’ve taken up the job of trying to not alter my appearance mind you but ‘fixing it’.

To elaborate, I quit wearing casual things all the time and started dressing smarter more casually (i.e. avoiding the wearing of tracksuits and wearing things like smart shirts and sweaters), decided to lose weight in order to get rid of my gut and in future, I have the desire to remove this ugly unibrow of mine, take more care of my skin and fixing my acne, along with the usual stuff of brushing my teeth.

The problem is that I have this feeling of embarrassment doing these things. I was never someone who care for fashion and even today you would never ever see me wearing things like bermudas or shorts or the latest fashionable slipper because simply put I feel weird wearing bermudas. At the same time, the fact that I’ve been wearing the same clothes for the past 6 years with very little new additions being made is a cause of embarrassment for me; I’m dread going outside because I have such a small variety when it comes to wearing clothes I am comfortable with and we’re so financially strapped now I don’t see a cange in my wardrobe being possible anytime soon.

As for my ‘face faults’, I know skin care is good and all but I’m scared of what people will think of me if they notice that I’m taking more care on my appearance. I don’t want to be the guy who is obsessed with his own looks but I don’t want to look bad either.

My biggest problem lies in both my smile and my voice though. I seldom ever smile except if I’m around friends who seem closer to me than others or if I’m in a conversation. As for my voice, it’s truely a terrible thing to hear. It’s thin and hoarse at the same time. It is more tolerable when it sounds low but sounds ridiculous when I speak louder.

My question: is it so bad that I want to fix my appearance, get more in shape etc… and do I have a reason to be ashamed? I feel that the reason I am doing so, so that I may look more approachable especially to women, to look more attractive etc… is bad because I feel it’s a bad reason to do so. Could it be that I don’t trust myself that much?
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Nothing wrong with any of that.
 
mrajax said:
is it so bad that I want to fix my appearance, get more in shape etc…
… I feel that the reason I am doing so, so that I may look more approachable especially to women, to look more attractive etc…
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Is there any other reason? :ehh:
 
Sounds great!

I forget if you’re in the US, but you may be able to do pretty well at a thrift shop or garage sale with clothes or Craigslist. Given your description of your wardrobe, I think you can look 100% sharper with a very small investment of time and/or money. Speaking as my husband’s personal shopper, I have one sentence of advice for you: blue shirt, brown pants. It’s almost impossible to go wrong if you do that. Unfortunately, there may be some ironing in store for you if you start wearing dress shirts. If you come into some shopping funds, I would suggest eventually investing in wrinkle free shirts, the greatest invention since sliced bread.

No one’s going to give you a hard time for having less acne or a less pronounced unibrow.

When you have more funds, you might try to take a drama course or public speaking at a community college, or something along those lines to work on your voice.

As to changes–people may notice them, but that’s a good thing. You’ll go from “there’s that weirdo in the tracksuits” to “Wow–Mr. Ajax is looking good!”
 
When I first met my husband, he had a thick unibrow. Although it seems superficial, it bothered me to the point that I was embarrassed sometimes to be seen with him (I know, I know, but I was young and shallow at the time). One date I produced a pair of tweezers and told him I was tired of looking at it and would he mind if I got rid of it? He consented, and I plucked my heart out until he had two lovely, but masculine eyebrows. He looked 100% neater and handsomer. The funny thing is, it never grew back.

My advice to you is: GET RID OF THE UNIBROW. And the acne, because acne is unhealthy-looking. A good cosmetologist will charge you about $10 to wax the brow off. At least that’s what they charge around here.

There is nothing wrong with improving your appearance, and most women don’t like unibrows.
 
Phalanx said:
Is there any other reason? :ehh:
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:rotfl:

And, of course, there’s nothing wrong with that. Nature has people of both sexes putting on their best appearance for the sake of attraction - and this involves some expense and effort.

It would only be a problem if:
  • It were with a predatory intent, ie. just for the sake conquests
  • It were a deliberate deception, with intention of reverting to “as I am” after you’ve woo’ed someone.
  • The physical improvements became obsessive and expensive, over a long term, and leaving you neglecting other duties. (sounds silly?.. go to a gym at 11:00 AM and see the “full time” body builders looking at themselves in the mirror)
 
There’s nothing wrong with taking pride in your appearance and wanting to improve yourself.
 
Nothing wrong with getting all beautiful. God gave you that body…now work with it!

For the unibrow…tweezers!

For the voice thing…take up singing and / or running. Also, drink lots of water and warm beverages.

For the acne…no more potato chips, cut out chocolate until you are past middle age, use an astringent every night before bed and change your pillowcase (or put a fresh small hand towel on your pillow) every night. Run, work out and do sweaty exercise. Drink lots of water. Don’t touch your face unless you are cleaning it. Eat spinach (supposed to balance hormones).

For the worrying…knock it off. Be happy. You’re alive. Thank God. 🙂
 
Nothing wrong in what your doing. We need to take care of what God has given us. Remember your body is a temple.
 
You would be surprised how much appearance can affect how other people treat us. Years ago, I took some classes on disabilities, and one thing that surprised me was how disabling a simple skin condition could be or really anything to the face.

In other words, a person could be otherwise fine, but due to skin, could be rejected for jobs and the like. In fact, some of those conditions could almost be the most “disabling”, unfair as that may seem.

I think that’s why so many people, men and women,…dye their hair and spend so much on cosmetics, plastic surgery and all.

I once had a friend who had an extra large nose. People made fun of him. He got surgery, and he said overnight, his circle of friends changed after that.

So, don’t underestimate what even a few small changes can do.
 
mrajax said:
The problem is that I have this feeling of embarrassment doing these things.
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Aye, there’s the rub! What you need is a strong dose of self-confidence.

What makes a King out of a slave? Courage.

What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage.

What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist or the dusky dusk? Courage.

What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage.

What makes the Sphinx the 7th Wonder? Courage.

What makes the dawn come up like THUNDER?! Courage.

What makes the Hottentot so hot? Courage.

What puts the “ape” in ape-ricot? Courage.

Personally, I had messed up teeth. They weren’t bad looking, but there was a gap in the front. I never had braces as a kid. Well, turns out my teeth were pretty bad, from a dental health standpoint. I went to the dentist twice a year, brushed, flossed, and still, my teeth were bad. The dentist told me I had to get them fixed, or else. It was a very expensive and major overhaul. Was it for dental health reasons? Absolutely. Do I LOVE having my new, cosmetically perfect teeth? Absolutely. With no apologies.
 
There’s nothing wrong with taking time to put some effort into your appearance. Your appearance is a form of communication. You can change first impressions with a better appearance and first impressions are a big deal, especially in the workforce.
 
Phalanx said:
Is there any other reason? :ehh:
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OK, I have to say your comment made me laugh so much for some reason!

Thanks everyone for the replies, they’re really appreciated. Off to work on the things I need working on 🙂
 
About dressing, try to dress up a bit above average, one level above the average guy, tuned to wherever it is you’re going. Nothing wrong with working out, but diet is important too. Check out paleo and adjust to what works for you. About your voice, singing might be too much, but try Toastmasters or public speaking courses. You’ll hopefully learn about proper breathing when speaking and about voice projection. Not to mention building confidence through your ability to speak in public.
 
Zzyzx_Road said:
About dressing, try to dress up a bit above average, one level above the average guy, tuned to wherever it is you’re going. Nothing wrong with working out, but diet is important too. Check out paleo and adjust to what works for you. About your voice, singing might be too much, but try Toastmasters or public speaking courses. You’ll hopefully learn about proper breathing when speaking and about voice projection. Not to mention building confidence through your ability to speak in public.
Click to expand...
If you haven’t already, record yourself and listen to yourself . What we hear in our heads is not the way our voices sound to others. My mother hates her voice, she says it sounds cackling, high-pitched, etc. It does not. It sounds perfectly fine and normal. I have heard my own voice recorded and am surprised every time that it is me speaking.

If after you listen to yourself and decide it’s that bad, then consider voice coaching.
 
Welp, I made some progress: I gave up on chocolate altogether and removed my unibrow using a shaving blade 😃
 
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