Is it better being a romantic asexual?

[JABA]

As one does not have to deal with and can avoid sexual immorality, thoughts and sins, but can still have a loving romantic relationship.

 

[Trishie]

A thoughtful and caring courtship can never be entirely a-sexual, as a man brings certain gifts of personality that make him appealing, and vice versa.
If a prospective couple are kind, thoughtful, attentive good friends, getting to know what the other person is really like, honestly communicating, and observant, then they can have a fair idea of whether or not the other will make a good wife or husband.

In day to day married life, the quality of the other as a person is what will really make the marriage stand or fall. If people aren’t caught up in the physical sexual aspect of things, apart from not sinning, they may be able to make a better judgement on whether or not 60 years with the other person is a desirable thing. Sex alone isn’t a good prop for any marriage, a whole lot more is required for a happy and lasting marriage. Time and time again people make the wrong choices, then they and any children are caught up in awful situations. Best and desirable to live in God’s grace and to enter marriage in God’s grace and God’s blessing. It is powerfully needed for a good and lasting marriage.

 

[1ke]

God did not design us asexually.

 

[Leegal]

As one does not have to deal with and can avoid sexual immorality, thoughts and sins, but can still have a loving romantic relationship.

Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction at all. It is considered to be a lack of a sexual orientation.

Are you confusing asexuality (very rare) with abstinence or celibacy?

 

[Dale_M]

As one does not have to deal with and can avoid sexual immorality, thoughts and sins, but can still have a loving romantic relationship.

Perhaps it might make single life easier, but I think the lack of libido might become a difficulty when married. One spouse might feel neglected, unattractive, perhaps even unwanted. The other spouse might feel put upon to perform in ways which he or she has no interest and eventually begin to resent.

 

[domandcarols]

God did not design us asexually.

 

[JABA]

God did not design us asexually.

True, but at the same time isn’t sexual attraction a sin as it leads to thoughts of sex and lust?. I find in order to be a good catholic and not fall into sexual sin(lust, thoughts, masturbation), it’s much easier if one were an asexual. How much problems would this solve. I see this is the only way for me to conquer these things by just totally purging the need for any sexual desire at all. Out of all things I have tried in life this has helped me the most to not fall into sin.

Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction at all. It is considered to be a lack of a sexual orientation.

Are you confusing asexuality (very rare) with abstinence or celibacy?

I was specifically meaning romantic asexual, where ones attraction to the opposite gender is not based on sexual attraction(lust, thoughts, sexual needs) but aesthetics and love.
One could still have a relationship, get married, have kids but never need to worry about sexual sins. People would also not need to use contraception as they would not have a need to have sex, apart from procreation.

Perhaps it might make single life easier, but I think the lack of libido might become a difficulty when married. One spouse might feel neglected, unattractive, perhaps even unwanted. The other spouse might feel put upon to perform in ways which he or she has no interest and eventually begin to resent.

Yeah, thats true. I am single 25 year old male and this has helped me the most. I don’t know if I am being paranoid, but I have never been in a relationship and every time I have been on date and get these sexual feeling I feel like I am doing something wrong or sinning and this makes me feel depressed and spoils everything. How do I get over this?

 

[Leegal]

I was specifically meaning romantic asexual, where ones attraction to the opposite gender is not based on sexual attraction(lust, thoughts, sexual needs) but aesthetics and love.
One could still have a relationship, get married, have kids but never need to worry about sexual sins. People would also not need to use contraception as they would not have a need to have sex, apart from procreation.

I suppose it’s possible, but not likely. You would have to assume that the woman did not have the sexual desire for you either, other than performing the act for the purpose of children. Other than that, neither party desires the other.

Yeah, thats true. I am single 25 year old male and this has helped me the most. I don’t know if I am being paranoid, but I have never been in a relationship and every time I have been on date and get these sexual feeling I feel like I am doing something wrong or sinning and this makes me feel depressed and spoils everything. How do I get over this?

Then that’s not asexual; you have sexual feelings. Asexuals have no sexual feelings and are oriented as such. There’s a contradiction in the two statements. On one hand you describe a marriage where there’s no need for sex – your words – other than procreation. On the other hand, you have sexual feelings – also your words.

You are not asexual, it’s so very rare, that I think you are really talking about having a hard time, as we all do, with our natural desire for sex and procreation, and the inability to satisfy that need until we are in a sacramental marriage.

I understand the conflict, but I don’t think that the scenario you describe is probable. And since you are not asexual, I don’t see how it’s possible. It certainly would be unfair to the woman, even if you could accomplish true asexuality. If you are not born that way, you cannot will yourself to be asexual.

 

[Leegal]

True, but at the same time isn’t sexual attraction a sin as it leads to thoughts of sex and lust?. I find in order to be a good catholic and not fall into sexual sin(lust, thoughts, masturbation), it’s much easier if one were an asexual. How much problems would this solve. I see this is the only way for me to conquer these things by just totally purging the need for any sexual desire at all. Out of all things I have tried in life this has helped me the most to not fall into sin.

I’m not being condemning so please don’t take it that way.

I think that sexual attraction is a normal part of “desire” for one partner. It’s how we are attracted to one person, but not another. Lust is when you take the normal part of desire – that attraction – to another level. You may be confusing lust with normal sexual attraction. In any case, when one is married in a consecrated marriage you cannot “lust” for your spouse because that desire is normal, consecrated and natural.

From the Catholic Encyclopedia:

“According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, a Christian’s heart is lustful when “venereal satisfaction is sought for either outside wedlock or, at any rate, in a manner which is contrary to the laws that govern marital intercourse”. Pope John Paul II states that lust is totally different from the natural desire for sexual love of man and woman.”

I don’t think it’s possible for a healthy man or woman to purge desire. They must take care not to take it into lust while in an unmarried state. It may seem like a fine line between the two – natural desire and lust. But look at it this way, if you are Catholic and want to live a fully Catholic life, you will not want to do anything that would disrepect The Church teachings, yourself, the woman, cause disrespect to her or her body, and find ways to avoid crossing the line into that lust. That’s love.