Is it better for a woman to change her last name at marriage?

[Nanny_PK]

I would love to take on my fiance’s last name. But in my line of work as an artist, I’ve already established myself under my maiden name, and it’s a bit like when people have a stage name. So it would be difficult to change that. So I probably won’t change it.

This has been said in other posts, but there’s no reason not to keep your maiden name in professional settings and then use your married name in personal/social settings. If the two occasions occasional coincide, use both I would just check with a CPA or tax attorney or someone like that to ensure you’re doing it legally.

I personally would take my husband’s name – maybe do what someone else suggested First, Middle, Maiden, Husband’s. That covers all legal situations. I know a friend who hyphenated her last name with her husband’s name, their kids had the hyphenated name. All I could think of is when those boys get married and their wives want to hyphenated it would by lastname-lastname-lastname. Where does it end?

 

[CarrieH]

All I could think of is when those boys get married and their wives want to hyphenated it would by lastname-lastname-lastname. Where does it end?

It gets confusing for the girls, too. I worked with a young lady who had a hyphenated last name given to her by her parents, and people thought she was married because of this!

 

[Guitar]

I know a friend who hyphenated her last name with her husband’s name, their kids had the hyphenated name. All I could think of is when those boys get married and their wives want to hyphenated it would by lastname-lastname-lastname. Where does it end?

What people call their children is a separate and not necessarily related matter to what a woman chooses to call herself. I have a hyphenated surname by choice but if I’d had children they would have had their father’s surname only.

I grew a little weary round the time I married being told, “your position doesn’t make sense because then children would have hyphenated names and they’d marry other children with hyphenated names …” and funnily enough these people suffered selective deafness when I pointed out their assertion of “illogicality” was based on two assumptions, both of which were incorrect.

 

[Nanny_PK]

I in no way wanted to indicate that a woman should no hyphenate her name if that’s her choice – I actually think it can be a good compromise especially for those women who for professional or business reasons need to keep their maiden name for recognition. I just think she should not do that to her children. I realize reading my post that my thoughts did not get translated properly

 

[sanctamaria17]

I wouldn’t really be considering the background of the name. I just know I would not want to be called Mrs Barf. Perhaps some men would like to take their wife’s name! Just a thought…

A friend of mine is changing his last name to his mom’s maiden name. He’s very into his culture and his father’s name doesn’t reflect it. Also, he’s picked out beautiful ethnic names for his future children that wouldn’t work with his name as is right now.

Either that or marry a woman with the same ethnicity and take her name. Doesn’t make him less of a man. In fact, he’s the most manly guy I know.

 

[chevalier]

It’s a matter of personal preference, IMHO, but I like the expression of unity when the woman takes the man’s last name. Call me old-fashioned…but not so old-fashioned that I ever wanted to be addressed as “Mrs. John H” rather than “Carrie H.”

Theoretically, a Jane Smith, wife of John Williams, could be referred to as, “Miss Jane Smith, Mrs John Williams,” which is IMHO a great example of title paranoia. Some hardcore etiquettalists could even make it, “Jane, Mrs Williams,” as if it were an aristocratic title. Frankly, Mr/Mrs is a perfectly all right title, but it doesn’t exactly translate as duke.

 

[chevalier]

I personally would take my husband’s name – maybe do what someone else suggested First, Middle, Maiden, Husband’s. That covers all legal situations. I know a friend who hyphenated her last name with her husband’s name, their kids had the hyphenated name. All I could think of is when those boys get married and their wives want to hyphenated it would by lastname-lastname-lastname. Where does it end?

In Poland it ends quite soon. Legally one can have two “components” of a surname and they are normally hyphenated, while in strictly official forms there’s a “first component of surname” and “second component of surname” in separate fields. I’ve even seen people use two names without hyphenation, but that’s probably American influence. Since I already have a hyphenated name, my hypothetical future wife would be unable to take my full name in addition to her own.

 

[peacefulpainter]

I was married before, did not want to take his name but he pressured me. that husband eventually was so abusive emotionally and other ways… that I divorced him and got the marriage anulled, took baack my maiden name.
Then fell in love and married someone after only 4 mos of dating, at the courthouse… the anullment had not come yet.
This 2nd husband did not think I ought to take his name because it was a common name and I had already started out as an artist with my maiden name!
well, dumb me, I thought the marriage would be better if I went to his name so did.
Now there are 2 little girls and I am separated. I was glad at the airport security that we all 3 have the same names…but I would think it would be neat for us 3 to have my maiden name,. if I can ever do that it will be a fine day.
My 2nd husband is ill , alcoholic and was physically abusive,. I pray I carry on and the name at this point , I know is not a problem… but it would neat to change it as the family tree is all noted to 1860 and the girls will have that name, as they get older, it would be neat if the desire the maiden name…
take care.
I think it is a personal choice but I did not stick up for myself in the first marriage then did it anyway and sort of regret it. wonder how many women feel a loss at the name change.,

 

[chevalier]

Why would you have trouble doing that? Maybe social rules are a bit different over there, but here one is perfectly entitled to the mother’s maiden name, although the father’s name is preferred. Taking mother’s name rather than father’s would be more like making a choice rather than a change (as in if your mother is Smith and your father is Jones and you take Smith, you are a perfectly “valid” Smith, not like a random person taking a random name he made up).