Is it better to shelter from or expose your children to evil?

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Like arguing in front of your children versus arguing in a separate room. It’s good to grow up without the expectations the world is kind or good.
 
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Jump4Joy said:
Like arguing in front of your children versus arguing in a separate room. It’s good to grow up without the expectations the world is kind or good.
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Bad idea to argue in front of children; one of the worst ideas, as you are teaching children how to sin
 
I think kids need to learn how to “fight fair”. Not that parents should be fighting all the time, or especially in front of their kids. But I don’t see anything wrong with occassional heated or passionate disagreement in front of the kids (assuming the subject is age-appropriate). It is a good opportunity to model how to do that in a loving, respectful manner. It also provides an opportunity for kids to see and learn that no two people completely agree on everything. That is an unrealistic expectation for kids to think that is how marriage is.
 
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Jump4Joy said:
Like arguing in front of your children versus arguing in a separate room.
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Like, that is just plain common sense. In the separate room?

Also, evil has to be explained appropriately and lovingly to children, because they will see it and they might not understand it.

This video is a great example of beautiful parenting. 🌷

 
Kids know you are arguing even if you are in a separate room. If a dispute occurs simply be honest with you children. You Dad and I disagree on an issue but we will work it out so they can see that married people don’t always agree but they will work it out.

It provides safety and a also teaches them a real life lesson. I remember a friend of mine at work who said her parents never once disagreed in front of them and the first time her husband and her disagreed when she was newly married she was overwhelmed and cried the whole night. She thought her marriage would be a failure based on one disagreement.

She called her mother who told her “Your Dad and I disagreed many times, we just chose not to do so when you were both home.”

Many different ways to approach this depending on who you ask.

God bless.
 
both actually , when you shelter a child that child will want what others kids have and when you show the child the evil in the world they can prepare them selves , and be educated beyond what shelter kids can , growing is hard enough ,and too many strings pullying the kids is worse , teach them and show them evil ,but don’t shelter them ,the worst one of the two is shelter them
 
Generally speaking, you shelter them until they’re at an age where they can understand you explaining evil to them.
 
I hope we all agree that parents engaging in the occassion disagreement or argument, in a respectful manner, isn’t evil.
 
You start off as a parent saying you’ll never fight in front of your kid, but reality is often very different. I’m not saying to have drawn out arguments, but yes, in the real world, you probably will have a few cross words with your spouse in front of your kids. You don’t want to expose them to “evil” (arguing with a spouse is unpleasant but not evil) but sometimes you can’t help it.
 
Arguing with your spouse is unpleasant, but not evil. At least, it doesn’t have to be. If you way you argue with your spouse is evil, it’s just as evil behind closed doors. It’s actually good for children to see that adults and spouses can argue without being disrespectful to one another. It’s much better for a child to see their parents argue a subject in front of them and come to a conclusion or compromise then have them argue in the back bedroom and have on of them leave to spend the night at a hotel or come out with bruises.

Anyway, in the case of real evil, you shelter the child from it until they are old enough to deal with that specific form of evil, at which point you guide them through it until they are mature enough to navigate themselves…
 
If it’s like proper arguing instead of just a disagreement then definitely in a different room.

There is enough bad in the world that they will come across (providing they aren’t spoilt or sheltered) without needing to add to it in the family home.
 
I think it’s C.S.Lewis who said that children are well aware of evil, they believe in monsters. But they need to be told stories that show them that monsters can be defeated. That’s why fairy tales are good for kids.
 
Arguing is not evil in and of itself. Kids (especially today!) need to see that people can love each other, disagree, still love each other and go on with life.
 
A regular argument I guess is part of family life.

When arguments become angry with put downs, insults and cursing, then the parents need to model better behavior.
 
Jump4Joy said:
Like arguing in front of your children versus arguing in a separate room.
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I’d say it depends on the argument. If you’re arguing about which movie to go see, that’s one thing. Sometimes people get a little overheated about the small stuff. Kids will learn that it happens, and it’s not the end of the world.

But arguing over a toxic relative, for example, or suspicions of something awful like infidelity – not just a separate room, but absolutely away from the children.
 
One way of preparing children for “Lessons of Life” is to read books suitable for their age and intellect. There are books about someone who goes on a holiday and granny is going on a holiday next week so read the book and discuss it with the child/children. Having a new brother or sister changes the family so read a book about that. When there is jealousy and pinching etc from the older sibling then read the story of Cain and Abel. Read books about what the police, ambulance, fire fighters etc are doing. Go to the library and see what they have.

It is a lot easier for everyone, regardless of age, if we have been prepared ahead of time that life is not a “walk on scented roses”. Children need to see adults and other children argue and become friends again if they are going to be able to solve arguments growing up. I have been teaching since the mid 1990s and overall children are a lot more immature today than they were 10 years ago. Don’t even compare with 20 years ago.
 
It’s easy to model Catholic teaching when things are going smoothly but the real test is when things are not. If one is so angry cannot control what they are putting forth, they should not be exposing this anger to children, whether it’s with a family member or outsider.

Disagreeing is different then arguing, and and a once in a blue moon argument within the household is different then the spirit of strife or aggression.

Children absorb how parents deal with conflict. It should always be modeled in ways that promote assertiveness, compromise and forgiveness, without detracting from the dignity of others.
 
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