Is it ok for a woman to approach a man they like or should it always be the man?

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SocaliCatholic

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I’ve asked this problem to a few people and I’ve gotten different responses.

My protestant friend believes that the man should always approach the woman he likes becuase they guy should take initiative and leadership role.

My Dad thinks it doesnt matter who approaches who becuase you can be in a mutual interest setting like a gym or baseball game.

My other friend thinks a man should build up wealth become a business and have all the women approach the man becuase its a waste of time to chase women you might be interested in.

So now that I’m Catholic and single since this Easter I am confused. How did God intend it to be? What is the proper thing to do and why?
 
Mom brought me up Catholic, like her.

I don’t know if this is a Catholic “thing,” but Mom always told me to chase them until they catch you.

😛

Honestly… as far as we Catholics are concerned, there’s absolutely no difference in who approaches the other first.

Both women and men are made in His image. We are equal and complementary to each other.

Don’t be coy and don’t be brazen.

Be yourself, you dear girl! According to your public profile, you’re about age 26. Definitely an adult.

Just don’t take no guff from a man being your “leader” just because he has the male reproductive organs. Okay?
 
remember “The Quiet Man” with John Wayne and Maureen Ohara? great illustration of your mom’s technique, let them chase you until you catch them.
 
Sure as long as you don’t mind hearing a buy say no to your advances. If you can deal with rejection, go a head.
 
Just seek friendship first!!! I have had many failures and rejections, and I learned that the best way to go is sloooowly. If you want to seek someone out, just seek to get to know them on friendly terms. You will get to know them better and have a better foundation for a relationship that may develop later on anyway!
 
Call me crazy (I’ve been called worse), but I think in terms of beginning a romantic relationship the guy should do the initiating.

I think it makes sense due to the innate natures of men and women. If men are called to be the head of the family, then I think the entire relationship would go more smoothly if it starts out that way.

Another reason why is from past experience. It seems that when women do the initiating; guys don’t really become all that involved with it, but just go along for the ride to see where it will go.

I think that women are most likely to give their all in either scenario (being the heart of the family makes us very versatile), but I think it makes a big difference somewhere in a guy’s psyche…

I also think that deep deep down, women have more respect for a guy who will step up to the plate.

Peace.
 
I don’t believe in manipulation, game-playing, or being locked into sex roles. If a woman is interested in a man, I think it’s perfectly ok for her to let him know. And as someone else said, if she’s prepared for rejection, go for it.

And a lot of men just LOVE it when a woman makes the first move. Why should the man always have to do all the work? It can be fun and refreshing to switch roles and see how it feels for the other person once in a while.

Nothing wrong with it at all.
 
I concur with Shannon E. when she ties courtship in with the eventual male leadership of the family. A man should have the courage to take the first step in such a relationship, as doing so will mirror his later role as head of the family. This isn’t to say that a woman should never make her intentions known, but there ways other than the obvious. (I’m sure you ladies know what I mean.)

In any case, there are no moral perogatives concerning this that I know of, so there should be no worries about sinning if the lady takes the first step. It’s just generally considered wiser for the man to step up to bat, first. As Chesterton once said, marriage is a duel to the death which no man of honor should ever refuse.
 
I hit on a guy on my own initiative once and he loved it. Guys really like it that girls will be brave and go up to talk to a guy. They know how hard it is, and they give major brownie points for that. Most of my very good friends are guys, and they say the same.
 
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StratusRose:
I hit on a guy on my own initiative once and he loved it. Guys really like it that girls will be brave and go up to talk to a guy. They know how hard it is, and they give major brownie points for that. Most of my very good friends are guys, and they say the same.
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StratusRose, and how did that relationship end up? I am sorry to tell you that many of the guys who love it, love it because it means that they can avoid taking responsibility for the relationship.

I know how hard it is to wait and be patient, but St.Gimp is very right about this:
St. Gimp:
This isn’t to say that a woman should never make her intentions known, but there ways other than the obvious. (I’m sure you ladies know what I mean.)
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and there’s nothing manipulative about that at all. I think you want a guy who will pick up on those cues.

Again, I know from my pre-Catholic and feminist days that it’s very hard to be patient-- but when it comes to romantic relationships (I’m not talking about friendships), taking short cuts just seems to get you nowhere fast.

Peace.
 
My brother would probably not be married right now with baby three on the way if my sister in law hadn’t asked him to coffee…
 
shannon e:
StratusRose, and how did that relationship end up? I am sorry to tell you that many of the guys who love it, love it because it means that they can avoid taking responsibility for the relationship.

I know how hard it is to wait and be patient, but St.Gimp is very right about this: and there’s nothing manipulative about that at all. I think you want a guy who will pick up on those cues.

Again, I know from my pre-Catholic and feminist days that it’s very hard to be patient-- but when it comes to romantic relationships (I’m not talking about friendships), taking short cuts just seems to get you nowhere fast.

Peace.
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I think you are over-analyzing the situation. I don’t see the correlation between who approaches who and who and how that has to do with avoiding responsibility. That’s generalizing. Since when are there rules for dating like that? If the girl has the initiative, then good for her, it shows that she has confidence in herself. That’s why guys love that.
 
shannon e:
Another reason why is from past experience. It seems that when women do the initiating; guys don’t really become all that involved with it, but just go along for the ride to see where it will go.

I think that women are most likely to give their all in either scenario (being the heart of the family makes us very versatile), but I think it makes a big difference somewhere in a guy’s psyche…
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I tend to think you are correct. I am not a shy person and used to have no qualms about asking a guy out first. Then after years of this, I realized there was a huge correlation to how much the guy was interested VS whom did the initiating of the relationship.

I have noticed that when the guy asked me out, pursued me and made the initial phone call, then he was far more interested in me and our relationship lasted longer.

When I made the call, asked him out first and showed the initial interest, it usually lasted for a few dates and was all based upon me doing the chasing - and futile chasing it was.

I have decided to stop this practice. I no longer initiate the date, I will not make the first call. He needs to show interest in me and I have noticed that things go much better. Even when it comes to shy guys, I firmly believe that God will make them pipe up if they are the one God has chosen for me to date.
 
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SocaliCatholic:
I’ve asked this problem to a few people and I’ve gotten different responses.

My protestant friend believes that the man should always approach the woman he likes becuase they guy should take initiative and leadership role.

My Dad thinks it doesnt matter who approaches who becuase you can be in a mutual interest setting like a gym or baseball game.

My other friend thinks a man should build up wealth become a business and have all the women approach the man becuase its a waste of time to chase women you might be interested in.

So now that I’m Catholic and single since this Easter I am confused. How did God intend it to be? What is the proper thing to do and why?
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Listen to Dad!
 
jrabs,
Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut! 😃

spaceghost,
I think 'Dad" is right when it comes to friendship, but not courtship:)

StratusRose,
How have those relationships worked out?

Often times, generalizations hold true because they are based on underlying facts such as men and women’s innate nature.

I think that making your interest known, and then waiting to see if the guy is interested is not only logical, but an approach that offers much more dignity to both parties.

But as Christopher West would say; “Hey, I’m not making this stuff up!”

It’s based upon some sound thinking and writing that’s already been done; as well as the experiences that some of us have lived.

www.godofdesire.com

www.theologyofthebody.net

www.pureloveclub.com

Peace.
 
I can’t speak for all men, but here is how I see it.

I’m fairly clueless when it comes to women. In today’s society men get so many mixed messages about how to be or not to be (ha ha?) that it’s kind of frustrating, I’ve adopted a “don’t look/touch/speak unless asked policy.” Some make the assumption that if a female talks to them it means they’re automatically interested in more than friendship. I tend to act only on what I know, not what I hope or “perceive” to be true.

So give him a clue. I don’t mean ask them out on a date. I think dating is kind of counterproductive. Engage in meaningful conversation with him and see if you have common activities that you can engage in without putting yourself in an exclusively intimate position. Playing games by being coy or aloof is detrimental, trust can’t be established in this manner and often results in a lopsided relationship. Friends who can and will communicate should be the first priority. God made woman from Adam’s rib…to stand by his side…equal in dignity.
 
shannon e:
jrabs,
Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut! 😃

spaceghost,
I think 'Dad" is right when it comes to friendship, but not courtship:)

StratusRose,
How have those relationships worked out?

Often times, generalizations hold true because they are based on underlying facts such as men and women’s innate nature.

I think that making your interest known, and then waiting to see if the guy is interested is not only logical, but an approach that offers much more dignity to both parties.

But as Christopher West would say; “Hey, I’m not making this stuff up!”

It’s based upon some sound thinking and writing that’s already been done; as well as the experiences that some of us have lived.

www.godofdesire.com

www.theologyofthebody.net

www.pureloveclub.com

Peace.
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StratusRose:
I’ve been on only one serious relationship (the one I’m in now). The guy I spoke of I only went on 2 dates with. We just didn’t click. These things happen. I still don’t see what’s wrong with the girl approaching the guy first. I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree.
 
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ianraygor:
I think dating is kind of counterproductive.
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Notice how people say “dating” nowadays, when they really mean “dating and sleeping with.” Which sense of the term do YOU mean? If it’s the newer sense, I agree, it’s definitely counterproductive!
 
I suspect that if you were to approach the question (as opposed to the guy) in terms of frienship, as opposed to dating, things might clear themselves up a good bit.

Your Protestant friends sound like the evangelical/fundamental variety. I have found them to be over-interpreting things, attempting to find a clear naswer to every question under the sun it terms of a verse in the Bible. The whole bit of headship can be so blown out of proportion as to create nothing more than chaos.

My mother had the same phrase;" A woman chases a man till he catches her". Most likely, a lot of wisdom.

Just a question: do you have any idea how shy some guys are? They can be in their twenties or thirties and act like freshmen in high school… and some of the shy ones may be better peop0le than some of those who have too much confidence. Too much confidence often seems attached to a “user” attitude…
 
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