Is it our duty to tell someone they shouldn't receive the Eucharist?

[DaddyJ]

My brother, hasn’t attended Mass except maybe a handful of times in 40+ years, divorced and remarried outside of the Church comes to a family members funeral, with the rest of the family, and receives communion. I was next to him, saw him get up to receive and didn’t know whether to say anything to him or not. Obviously, he was receiving unworthily. We know what St. Paul says about those that receive Jesus unworthily are guilty of his blood. On the other hand, it wasn’t like we were discussing the topic at the dinner table hours before the Mass where it certainly would have been more appropriate to discuss the Church’s teaching. But what do you say in the 5 seconds you have as you are walking out of the pew? Who knows, maybe the unworthily received communion could have given him just enough grace to start him on the track back to the Church?

If this wasn’t bad enough. I guess I should have discussed it with him during the year that passed since that time and BEFORE the 1 year anniversary Mass for the deceased, in which he did it again. I feel I must be more culpable this time as I ‘knew’ he’d be receiving again. Is this something I must confess? Did I commit a sin by not saying something? How would one bring up the topic before it happens again?

Thanks for your help. I know this was a long one.

 

[Tietjen]

My brother, hasn’t attended Mass except maybe a handful of times in 40+ years, divorced and remarried outside of the Church comes to a family members funeral, with the rest of the family, and receives communion. I was next to him, saw him get up to receive and didn’t know whether to say anything to him or not. Obviously, he was receiving unworthily. We know what St. Paul says about those that receive Jesus unworthily are guilty of his blood. On the other hand, it wasn’t like we were discussing the topic at the dinner table hours before the Mass where it certainly would have been more appropriate to discuss the Church’s teaching. But what do you say in the 5 seconds you have as you are walking out of the pew? Who knows, maybe the unworthily received communion could have given him just enough grace to start him on the track back to the Church?

If this wasn’t bad enough. I guess I should have discussed it with him during the year that passed since that time and BEFORE the 1 year anniversary Mass for the deceased, in which he did it again. I feel I must be more culpable this time as I ‘knew’ he’d be receiving again. Is this something I must confess? Did I commit a sin by not saying something? How would one bring up the topic before it happens again?

Thanks for your help. I know this was a long one.

If it were me, I’d simply talk to him about it now. I wouldn’t go on the attack but I would simply and charitably explain the Church’s position on the matter. Perhaps he is simply unaware. Either way, he needs to be informed. God bless.

 

[Lainey63]

Your brother knows that he wasn’t supposed to receive. He just doesn’t believe it…people my age (forties) and older have their Catholicism so ingrained even when you leave for many years & come back, you still know the “big no-nos” like receiving holy communion without having gone to mass for 30 or 40 years.
He propably will tell you those are man made rules and he doesn’t believe it is the Body, Blood, Soul, & Divinity of Christ…but trust me He knows he wasn’t supposed to go.
So it isn’t your fault at all that he went up to receive.

 

[Benadam]

Not if they know unconfessed mortal sin places a barrier between them and the real presence. I have mentioned to someone that a certain sin they were committing was a mortal sin to me and I wouldn’t recieve. (cohabitation) So I guess I think to some extent it is. Perhaps if they didn’t know what they were doing was bad for them and they would take the information seriously.

 

[Halos1n2Horns]

daddyj

It’s not really your choice to tell your brother . But if you do use the catechism under marriage and divorce for backup questions , it may help you and him understand why he can’t recieve Holy Communion. Annulments aren’t as easy any more as what alot of people think they are . The catechism only recongizes adultery, and abuse. for absolution of marriage., IF your brother has a annulment from his first marriage, and his second marriage has been blessed in the Catholic Church. Then he can recieve the most Holy Sacrament of the altar. IF he did not get a annulment and his marriage has not been blessed, He cannot recieve the eucharist. If he don’t believe you, then he can ask your Priest.

I would let your Priest know about your brother, so he can just bless him when coming up for the eucharist. Maybe this would help him understand why he can’t recieve.

Pray for peace, Pray for unity, Pray hard Pray long

Halos

 

[perfectpeach]

This is what my Priest told me.

People who do not follow the word of God have a hearing impediment. Just as you would not call out a person in a wheel chair, you should not call out one who is deaf.

The best thing to do is live by example. It might be wise to mention to him, “I need to go to confession before I recieve since I am not in a state of grace.” That way, if he has forgotten (which is possible) he is reminded again.

Next time you are heading up to confession, invite him with you!

 

[Catholic1954]

My brother, hasn’t attended Mass except maybe a handful of times in 40+ years, divorced and remarried outside of the Church comes to a family members funeral, with the rest of the family, and receives communion. I was next to him, saw him get up to receive and didn’t know whether to say anything to him or not. Obviously, he was receiving unworthily. We know what St. Paul says about those that receive Jesus unworthily are guilty of his blood. On the other hand, it wasn’t like we were discussing the topic at the dinner table hours before the Mass where it certainly would have been more appropriate to discuss the Church’s teaching. But what do you say in the 5 seconds you have as you are walking out of the pew? Who knows, maybe the unworthily received communion could have given him just enough grace to start him on the track back to the Church?

If this wasn’t bad enough. I guess I should have discussed it with him during the year that passed since that time and BEFORE the 1 year anniversary Mass for the deceased, in which he did it again. I feel I must be more culpable this time as I ‘knew’ he’d be receiving again. Is this something I must confess? Did I commit a sin by not saying something? How would one bring up the topic before it happens again?

Thanks for your help. I know this was a long one.

Yes. You should tell him. We had the same situation with one of my sisters. She left the Church, but still continued to receive Communion when she attended extended family Masses. My father finally spoke to her and she stopped. I think it was a combination of defiance and ignorance on her part. We are hoping she will return, someday.

 

[Roman_Army]

…But what do you say in the 5 seconds you have as you are walking out of the pew? Who knows, maybe the unworthily received communion could have given him just enough grace to start him on the track back to the Church?

To answer your first question, I do not think 5 seconds prior to receiving communion would’ve been sufficient time to teach him about the Church teaching. You should have brought it up before mass.

To answer your second question, unfortunately, as St. Paul made clear receiving the Eucharist unworthily does not provide grace but instead further condemnation.
1 Corrinthians 11:27-32 (NAB)::

Therefore whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord unworthily will have to answer for the body and blood of the Lord. A person should examine himself, and so eat the bread and drink the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body, eats and drinks judgment on himself. That is why many among you are ill and infirm, and a considerable number are dying. If we discerned ourselves, we would not be under judgment; but since we are judged by (the) Lord, we are being disciplined so that we may not be condemned along with the world..

If this wasn’t bad enough. I guess I should have discussed it with him during the year that passed since that time and BEFORE the 1 year anniversary Mass for the deceased, in which he did it again. I feel I must be more culpable this time as I ‘knew’ he’d be receiving again. Is this something I must confess? Did I commit a sin by not saying something? How would one bring up the topic before it happens again?

Thanks for your help. I know this was a long one.

It would only be a mortal sin if you clearly knew that remaining silent is a sin and had deliberately consented to remaining silent. You have to do an objective examination of your conscience to determine if you had sufficient knowledge and consent. If you did know and consented to it, then you would have to confess your sin. Now, as for how to bring up the topic, I would suggest you kindly talk to him before mass and start off by explaining that you yourself would sin if you did not talk to him about it. Then explain to him that both according to Scripture and the teaching of the Church one must first go to confession prior to receiving communion when in a state of mortal sin and resolve to not sin again. Tell him that the reception of communion unworthily is a sacrilege and rather than giving grace it merely makes one’s sin worst. You tell him that according to both Scripture and the Church unjust divorce and subsequent remarriage is considered a sin. Make sure you let him know that you are telling him this only because you care about him. Invite him to study and reflect more about the topic. If he persists on receiving after that, don’t pay no mind to it, you’ve fulfilled your obligation. I would try to memorize the parts of scripture which speak about the topic of unworthy reception of communion, the immorality of divorce and re-marriage, and about the sacrament of confession. Now, the teaching of the Church is that if he has had young children with the present wife he’s with, for the sake of the children he would still be required to remain living there since they deserve both a mother and father, but he would be required to abstain from sexual relations and would have to view his “wife” as a mere sister.

Now, my question is: do you know if your brother has received an annulment of his prior marriage or that there are grounds for annulment? If he receives an annulment then he’s free to marry. But, if his marriage is considered valid by the Church then he cannot remarry.

May God bless you.

 

[Kasey1]

If it were me, I’d simply talk to him about it now. I wouldn’t go on the attack but I would simply and charitably explain the Church’s position on the matter. Perhaps he is simply unaware. Either way, he needs to be informed. God bless.

I could not agree with you any more

 

[churchsecretary]

I think many families have this problem. In fact, our pastor has a notice printed right in the funeral programs (where many non-Catholics and non-practicing Catholics might be attending) that unless you are Catholic AND been to confession recently, please don’t come to receive communion. I can still see my aunt receiving at my cousin’s wedding, and she should never have received, either.

 

[larry85704]

interesting point.

i had a family member get married a few years ago. at the wedding she told another family member not to go to Communion cause she was living with her boyfriend. now the bride’s mommy and daddy are not saints but they are family. turned out the groom and his family are a little strange. it has caused some grief before and after the wedding.

anyway, the opinion in the family is that the bride and groom, and the church they got married in isn’t to good. the woman living with her boyfriend is now married to him and is doing fine. it really has to do with expectations. the bride that told the woman not to receive has done things that demonstrated a lack of common sense. the woman that was living with the boyfriend has demonstrated charity and good sense.

they are all family and i love them all. i think the woman that told the other woman not to receive needs far more help in developing her social skills. not so much because of what she told her cousin at the wedding, but because of the many other things she has done. so, to be brief, i wouldn’t say anything. You don’t know the status of the other persons soul. nobody does except God.

Besides, opening your mouth will probably make people think you are a jerk.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

If it were me, I’d simply talk to him about it now. I wouldn’t go on the attack but I would simply and charitably explain the Church’s position on the matter. Perhaps he is simply unaware. Either way, he needs to be informed. God bless.

I agree. You need to show by your own example and speak in charity to your brother or anyone else. You have had 40+ years to bring this up with him and I’m sure many other opportunities more appropriate than at Mass 5 minutes before communion. Up until now, you have to assume he was ignorant of the Church’s true teachings of receiving communion, divorce and remarriage, etc. You can begin gently and over time (ie, not pointing out all his sins in one 10 minute conversation!) to share with him the Church’s teachings and reasons. Help him find a parish and introduce him to a good priest. Pray for him.

 

[belmontmac]

OP tough position in my opinion. I am sorta in the same boat, my BIL is Luthern, and his wife is Catholic. Recently he has been very excited and looks forward to Mass and receiving communion. I havent been directly involved in the conversation, my wife told me. I would hate to ruin his attitude and enthusiam about attending Mass, and also come off to the whole family as a jerk.

 

[kalel76]

I don’t think it’s your duty. It’s your duty to set a good example. What I would do next time you are with him in church is not go to communion. You don’t have to receive it each and every time you go… This will probably cause a little bit of confusion at the beginning, but afterwards, the conversation may come up. He might wonder, “Why didn’t he go up to communion?” “Should I be going up?” If your lucky enough, he might start the conversation.

I would pray the day before that you have the opportunity to evangelize.

 

[belmontmac]

Kalel76, Thanks for the good advice, unfortunately we don’t attend the same Parish, and I don’t want to hijack the OP’s thread.

 

[Elizabeth502]

I.m.o., the only charitable + honest way to do this is to refer to oneself, IF one has ever been in the position of being away from the Church, returning to it, and feeling that disconnect between preparedness and reception. (Such as, “I longed to receive communion many times, or did it for social reasons without really being convinced of my ‘worthiness’ or even of the sacrament itself. I felt I needed to reconcile with God before approaching again.” etc.) The idea being to point the finger to oneself.

I personally feel unworthy to receive despite the state of grace, so I would never feel in a position to lecture or even direct others on their own ‘worthiness.’ I understand where the OP is coming from; it’s just that a million people could correctly tell me I am unworthy to receive.