Is it possible for patience for others to become enabling?

[augustinegirl]

So this post comes with a prayer request, just for God’s will in my life and for me to trust the Holy Spirit and actually act when I need to.

I’ve been thinking about patience and its proper end/the proper exercising of patience. I’m very impatient, not in little ways (like I don’t get annoyed easily and I don’t hate waiting in lines or anything), but in more significant ways, usually pertaining to always wanting to know the future, always wanting “clarity,” etc. This is partially because of my clinical anxiety (one day I’ll be grateful for this cross) and partially perhaps because of my own habits.

I was going to explain my entire predicament in detail but I know that it is unwise to solicit too much advice, so instead I am going to give you a vague idea. I’ve been really trying to exercise patience in a dating situation (with someone who is not ready for a relationship but still wants to see if there’s something there), but it’s come to a point when I don’t know if I’m being impatient - or if this “impatience” is a righteous response to the situation not moving in any direction when I’m really developing feelings, and the other person doesn’t necessarily seem to be on the same page. We are called to trust God and also I would assume to trust others, but *** when does “patience” toward someone else become more of an enabling force? When do we just have to either cut it off or call that person out in a loving way?* ** Being a person who likes control and knowing where things are headed (I know those are bad things haha), it’s very hard for me to be involved in something that is quite grey since I am emotionally attached. Not to mention I had thought that I was going to grow in the virtue of patience in this scenario, and I’m not sure if that’s happening. It’s been months and he just says he likes spending time with me, but he’s not consistent, and I don’t know if I’m expecting too much and misunderstand what patience is or what.

If you could say a little prayer before responding, I’d greatly appreciate it!

 

[Joe_5859]

Honestly, I don’t think there is a one-size-fits-all answer for you. It takes discernment.

If the guy is that reticent to even begin dating, it could be that he struggles with commitment and decision making, which is something he will always struggle with. Or it could be that he’s just not that in to you and doesn’t want to say anything. Or it could be that he just needs a bit of time to mature and get with the program.

I certainly wouldn’t advocate waiting around indefinitely. You have to decide for yourself how much time he may be worth waiting around. If it were me, I would remain open without halting my own forward progress in my life’s goals. You don’t need to pine away for him while he gets his stuff in order. Do your own thing. Spend time with other people. And if he ever gets to the point where he is ready and you’re still available, then great. If you’ve already moved on, then that’s great for you, too.

Above all, keep praying.

 

[puzzledtoo]

Blessings to you and yours. May you all be filled with loving kindness. May you all be well. May you all peaceful and at ease. May you all be happy.
While reading your post I remembered a quote that rang true with me when I read it. Here it is.
“To expect something is to look for something pleasant. Searching for the pleasurable is a form of denial. You cannot expect anything, because expectation is within you, and what you are waiting for is dependent on external forces.” -Swami Prajnanpad-
For those of us that lack patience and feel the need to be in control this is a difficult teaching, but maybe meditate on it for a bit and maybe you’ll see some value in it. Be well-take care.