Is it right for parents to threaten adult children?

[Chrispeet]

I was very concerned and disturbed by the reply given by an apologist in reply to the concern being displayed by a family whose 20-year-old son refuses to go to Mass.

To threaten to throw him out unless he obeys “house rules” is the most un-Christian response I have read or heard in my life! To follow that line of thought would surely create a deeper division and, worst of all, alienate the son from the Church even more. Is this the objective? I think not!

This is not what Christ taught. What he taught was all about love, tolerance, forgiveness. His Father did not send him down to condemn but to forgive. Like most young people, the more you force an ideal down their throats, the more they will reject it. Love and patience along with prayer must surely be the way forward?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

I did not say to the family that asked the question that they should “threaten to throw [their adult son] out unless he obeys ‘house rules.’” I agree with you that “threatening” is wrong, and would go so far as to say it is also useless. What I said is that they should “insist he move out. Give him a deadline for moving and offer to help him create an ‘exit plan,’ but make clear that you will not allow him to remain in the family home if he refuses to abide by the rules for doing so [emphasis added].” There is no “threat” involved here; there is a definite consequence given for failure to meet family obligations. It only becomes a “threat,” and a hollow one at that, if the family does not follow through.

Please understand that I was giving a solicited opinion. I recognize that others may have different opinions about the correct course of action and are free to do as they think best if the situation is theirs to deal with. But I firmly believe that my opinion is within the realm of possibility for committed Christian parents who are concerned about their responsibilities toward an adult son. A fully-grown legal adult does not have the right to remain in the family home if he is unwilling to follow the conditions set down for his residency. If he doesn’t like those conditions or doesn’t want to meet those conditions, he is free to take up residence elsewhere on his own dime. But he does not have the right to take advantage of his parents’ love and concern for him by accepting their support while thumbing his nose at their authority.