Is it rude to tell a guy I don't want a second date over message?

[christisrisen]

I went on a first date with a guy and he made me feel a bit uncomfortable as he was acting as if we were already in a relationship when I wanted to take things slowly. He said on the date that he wants to see me again and I said that I would have to think about it and that I genuinely still want us to be friends if I say no. Is it okay to message him saying I think we should just be friends? I want to tell him today and he has told me he’ll go to the same mass I was planning on going to and asked to drive me and I said I can’t say yes on the spot but I really don’t want to go to that mass now as his family members will likely be watching every move and I don’t want that sort of pressure, so I don’t think I’ll go to that mass today. Is it fine to tell him over a text/message? Logistically I just cannot do it in person without being surrounded by people so it’s either that or calling and I’d feel a lot more comfortable over messaging.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

You can message him. If he wants to discuss it further he might phone you though.

 

[Lou2U]

I don’t think it’s rude, if it’s what you’re comfortable with then do it.

 

[Irishmom2]

Messaging him is fine.

In the future though, if you know you don’t want to go out with someone after you go on a first date, when they bring it up, it might be better to say that you aren’t interested than giving an “up in the air” kind of answer.

I said that I would have to think about it

I said I can’t say yes on the spot

You could have said “I think we should just enjoy being friends and leave it at that.”
It is kinder to be clear right from the start.

 

[Lou2U]

I agree with the above, as well. Assertiveness is a skill everyone needs to have, it will really help you in these situations. Of course, it’s easier said than done but it will be good for you to have more confidence in yourself, and to be comfortable saying what you think .

 

[dscath]

Easiest way to answer is to ask yourself how would you feel being told the same thing the same way.

 

[The_Old_Maid]

If you were in a relationship, then dumping someone by text is despicable. But you’re not, so it’s fine.

However, you should not be offering to “just be friends” if you do not really want this person in your life. Would you have chosen this person as a friend in the first place? No? Then don’t over-promise.

As for the person offering to drive you to mass, well, you wouldn’t let a stranger do that, would you? Then don’t do it with this young man, whom you know has an agenda.

The idea that he wants to make an insta-relationship, and that he want to make a meet-the-family out of a worship service is … odd. He may merely be socially awkward. The way he responds to your courteous declining of his offer will tell you if it’s something more disturbing.

Assume that he’s just clueless and inexperienced unless something worse happens.

 

[christisrisen]

We are in the same youth group and I’m sure I will see him at church all the time. I don’t want to have to avoid him every time I see him and I want to be able to talk to him without it being anything more.